meow

The light inside an oven is crucial to getting breads to rise. Without the light inside simulating the sun, the bread can't tell which way is up, leaving it twisted and ruined.

it’s weird that professional letters are supposed to start with “dear.” i don’t even call my mom that

my darling hiring manager. my springtime rose. if hired i will bring a strong work ethic to this position

when the blackberry bushes have thorns to discourage mammals from monopolizing the consumption of their fruits and encourage birds to spread their seeds but they don’t know that the mammal in question is ME #notdiscouraged

i wasn't socialized enough as a larva

dont eat lettuce or go outside

ive never wanted to send a death threat over a game before

tautological wordle answer

posts that make you open wordle

Oh boy better go try today’s wordle

WHAT THE FUCK

ever since i was a little girl i knew i wanted to be someones lame ass boyfriend

would you still love me if i was a small iridescent freshwater fish

we don't actually need gender markers on our licenses and whatnot. we could just. do away with those entirely. i do not believe this would lead disaster.

Hi, its me. The warmest creature in the world. I love you. Im the warmest creature in the world and I love you so much and I need to be in your lap right now. Yes, I know about the heat wave. That's okay though because I was already the warmest creature in the world so I don't mind. I love you and you need to let me sleep in your lap right now. I'm soooo warm and I love you sooo much. If you say no you'll be saying no to a thing that love you. Let me sleep in your lap. When I fall asleep I get warmer. I love you

Punk is about supporting your local libraries and throwing hamsters into a river

You gotta get the hamsters to skip along the river like stone if you just chuck them and they sink immediately that's emo, not punk

washing my computer in the bathtub with bubbles

We need to conquer space travel for the only reason that zero-g would allow for new never before seen pastries, you know how the top of the muffin is the best part? Well that is because it is exposed to air so it changes the chemistry, in normal earth gravity it is impossible to make a muffin that is all top part because it needs to be placed somewhere which would restrict air flow, however in zero g it would be possible to make a bubble out of muffin dough which gets optimal airflow and becomes an all-top part muffin... This is the dream...

ive invented (note: dubious claim) something i call the bear diet which is mostly fruits and vegetables with fish as the main protein source and something like once a month you eat a few hyperprocessed foods of your liking because that is when you, the bear, raid a dumpster in the suburbs

after the hyperprocessed foods, do you take tranquilizers to simulate getting captured by animal control and returned to the wild?

i would settle for melatonin gummies but well. knock yourself out