Mothership!

why are there so many posts about asexuals being immune to sirens. people. sirens don’t lure you in with sex (necessarily). they sing about whatever it is that you want most. they could sing about mothman or cinnamon toast crunch and guess what then your asexual pirate is fucking dead

this is the only kind of ace discourse i ever want to see on my dash. the only kind. ever again. good job

Do you think the sirens would be grateful that they finally get some variety? 

“Oh my god we can finally just sing about pasta thank the fucking gods.” 

I’m not asexual but I’m fairly certain sirens would do a far better job luring me into the depths with a song about pasta rather than sex…

Them: “We have unlimited wifi at incredible speeds~” Me: *diving headfirst into the water*

This post is a blessing

Congratulations! Odysseus! You’ve been selected as a winner for the free $1000 Amazon Gift Card, Apple iPhone X 256G or Samsung Galaxy S8! Claim your prize now!

Oh my god sirens were literally scam websites

They’re also meant for hiltops, not small rooms. Cant get the right reverb with all that echo.

they’re also meant to make you fight the english. don’t forget that part.

My fav bagpipe player was a dude who would go out to the middle of a soccer field near my college apartment on Sunday. No one was using the field and he’d just be out there playing his heart out and the sound were just spread out over the plains. I’d be working on art for class so I’d open the window and listen. I still have fond memories of the day a kid biked up to the edge of the field, ran over to the bagpiper and the music stopped for a moment and as they talked. I couldn’t hear it but I had assumed the worst, that someone had decided to tell him to stop playing. Instead after the pause the musician seemed to nod, readjusted his bagpipes and started belting out the Star Wars theme. 

theyre called “potions”, look it up

This is exactly why grimdark GoT-type fantasy does exactly nothing for me.

sorry i missed your call i was dual wielding 

oh my god that is so good

I believe he also now has a library card.

Anyway stan museum and Library twitters not big corporation twitters

The thing I love about cats is that they’re basically born ready to throw down. There’s something strangely life-affirming about seeing a ball of fuzz that could fit in the palm of your hand with room to spare react to an unfamiliar creature literally a hundred times its size by going “I roll Intimidation”.

#the really life affirming part is that sometimes it works

cats don’t give a fuck and they will slap the shit out of whoever they want

Me

when i get added to a group chat

The canonical name for the Thanos Snap is The Decimation which is really underwhelming and etymologically incorrect.

The Duocimation doesn’t really roll of the tongue.

The Halfenning

The Cosmic Coin Toss.

Duck duck dust

The Shittiest Lottery

Going Halfsies 

I accidentally created a YIAY video in the form of a Tumblr text post.