I only talk to myself when I'm bored.

what if orpheus was butch and she unclipped her carabiner and held it out behind her and then eurydice clipped it onto her belt loop and then orpheus didnt have to look back because she could hear eurydice jingle jangling behind her. follow me for more dyke solutions to famous tragic literature

My D&D class is Paladin: Oath of “I Love My Girlfriend”

This subclass is only available to women. Wife guys can’t cut it.

Be yourself so ppl looking for u can find u

😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭INEED TO GET GROCERIES AGAIN😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭

What no beaver does to a mf

a dude came into the library stoned out of his mind and was like, “do I need a library card to look at books?” And I said, “to take books home, yes. To look at them, no” and he looked so relieved. bro was staring at a fish encyclopedia for like an hour and then just left.

this is literally all society needs to be

Accidentally clicking on an AI assistant feels like clicking on a link that’s going to give you a virus.

the mystery bruises you're getting aren't from anemia or something stupid like that. they're from me. i go into your house while you're asleep and softly hit you with hammers until i am satisfied

and yes, it is sexual

I see so many online wearing so little clothing, some even none at all. I will buy them large coats to keep them warm. We must protect the weak from baring harsh winters.

the sluts are forever grateful

We are all brothers and sisters of Mankind.

i am a lover. but underneath that i'm a hater. and then underneath that i'm a lover again

Never before has an animal’s face so clearly expressed “You think you’re hilarious, don’t you?”