Random is my middle name

and

If you are getting gender affirming surgery, especially if it’s your first major surgery, PLEASE be aware that you can become SEVERELY depressed afterwards ESPECIALLY if you have a history of depression or suicidal ideation.

Post op depression is a natural reaction to the crazy mix of hormones your body goes through after major surgery as well as the stress and anxiety of recovery. Think of it like an adrenaline crash, but dragged out longer.

For me it kicked in about 6 weeks after top surgery and the worst of it lasted until about 10 weeks post op. EVERYTHING felt IMPOSSIBLE. None of the skills I’d been practicing worked. I thought everything was going to be bad forever. I didn’t attempt, but I was in the hospital. If it wasn’t for my support system I probably would have attempted.

This is not regret, but it can feel like it. I remain happy about my results to this day (going on six years later).

This is not you failing to maintain your mental health, but it can make you feel like a failure.

Things are not hopeless, but through the haze of this depression they can feel hopeless.

It can be terrifyingly sudden or it can sneak up on you. I didn’t even realize what was going on until after the depression finally passed and my mental health went back to normal.

I am writing this post because nobody told me about this before my top surgery. I was caught completely off guard. For my subsequent surgeries being aware has made all the difference. Being able to treat those symptoms as an expected and normal part of the healing journey has made them far easier to deal with. Because even when my emotions go to dark places I *know* they will pass. I have been able to tell the bad thoughts to take a bad seat and focus on healing.

That's what V-coding is. That is why they are so adamant about sending trans women to men's prisons, because sex trafficking trans women within the men's prison system is an essential part of that system. Being misgendered by this isn't even an issue that's on our radar!

Marlow Trottie was killed on June 8th 2026. She was found dead, alone, in the streets of Alexandria, Louisiana. It was a homicide.

Marlow Trottie was a woman. Her family has contested this, and publicly misgendered her, and many news sites have already deadnamed and misgendered her as well. I fear what her obituary will say. I fear what her gravestone will say even more.

i must, obligitarily, note: a higher amount of transfem cast members (or the presence of them, period) does not necessarily mean a completely safe environment for transfems, either viewers or cast members alike. but at the very least, it demonstrates a marked effort to platform and support trans women as valued community members. an effort which, notably, dropout tv has not bothered to make. nrb in specific, the channel this happened on, is one of the botc community channels striving to make this effort, with one of the key and beloved members in their botc series being mara joy (who is a trans woman, noted not to tokenize her in specific but to highlight her)!!

so, to lay it out more specifically, sam reich made this joke on a platform that is expected to be a safe space for transfem viewers. he was a guest star on a show which has far less social pull than dropout tv, was one of the only white cishet guys in the room, and took advantage of that. i cannot stress this enough: sam reich went to a community that has a general expectation of being a safe place for transfems, as a guest, likely for the purposes of promoting his latest kickstarter, and he used that platform to make a "joke" about transfems being pedophiles.

it was also directed towards a gay man, who, like… well, we all saw the clip, it's my opinion that he looks pretty genuinely uncomfortable for a moment before trying to hide it by playing it up for the camera. tbh i find it disappointing that said joke ended up in the final edit at all! but the fact that sam felt so comfortable dropping that kind of quip given the setting and the current overall climate is so frustrating and gross.

Deltarune Social Media! Ep 1

Special thanks to @ooppo for writing this episode

While the focus is often on transportation and energy generation, about one third to one fourth of global carbon emissions come from our food systems. This means that making these systems more efficient, such as by reducing wasting energy on food that never makes it to market, is a big deal--as well as an important economic factors for farmers.

In regions where grid electricity is unreliable or inaccessibly expensive, the lack of access to reliable refrigeration greatly increases the risk that harvested food will spoil before it can reach market. Farmers also have less agency in when and where to sell their food when they have to rush to sell it before it spoils.

Bonnie (regular): "Wait, that's such a long journey though!!! I'm not gonna go find you just so I can punch you if you're wrong!!! That's dumb!!! [...] Okay, then I'll believe you!!! Hopefully I won't have to walk forever to punch you!!!"

Bonnie (friendquest): "...I'll miss you, Frin. ... I know you'll leave soon, but, um... Y-You should come by Bambouche one day! So you can meet my sister!!! So I can say... "That's Frin! They helped me a bunch! They're really cool!!!" So come and see me sometime, yeah? Promise? [...] I'll be waiting for you, Frin!!!"

"i know you'll leave soon" "that's such a long journey" assuming that Siffrin would never want to stay close by, that wherever he goes would be arduous for them to reach. ...and, maybe in Siffrin's interpretation, not worth the annoyance and exertion it would take to reach them.

Isabeau (regular): "I can't wait to go back to my old job, you know? Make sure to say hi when you're near Jouvente, 'kay?"

Isabeau (friendquest): "...I hope...I hope you'll at least visit sometime, Sif. Our journey is over, but don't be a stranger, okay?"

Isabeau, short and restrained after his aborted confessions. maybe keeping it brief and simple to not overcomplicate the triumph of the moment, hoping he'll have the chance to express himself properly later (they're all having dinner together tonight, after all! they'll have time for feelings talks then! why wouldn't they?). not wanting to overwhelm or assume. how can he ask for anything more substantial than a visit before Siffrin knows how he feels, what he might want, what Siffrin might want?

Odile (regular): "But now I can finally get back to traveling. [...] It'll be weird to travel alone now, but I'll get used to it again. Or I could just go home to Ka Bue... Hm... [...] Ha...I'll miss you, Siffrin. You're a little strange, but you're a good kid. Maybe try letting down your walls every once in a while, huh? And come to Ka Bue anytime. Maybe we'll meet again during your travels."

Odile (friendquest): "It was fun. Traveling with everyone. I will miss it. [...] I... I suppose everyone will go back to their homes, now... Mirabelle will probably stay here, Isabeau will probably go back to Jouvente, and we'll ask someone to accompany Bonnie back to Bambouche... And what about you, Siffrin? Will you be going back home? [...] Oh... Why no-- ... No. Sorry, this isn't any of my business. But... No home at all... I never knew. I'm sorry. [...] ...I'll probably be going back to Ka Bue soon. Our paths will diverge soon... But if you ever come towards Ka Bue... Please come by, and say hello, won't you? ...Don't be a stranger, Siffrin."

Odile, reinforcing everyone's assumptions, backing away from the opening Siffrin gave her out of respect for their privacy, and sharing more of her own hand than Siffrin may even realize—resigning herself back to the quiet of her own company after the warmth and noise of being with everyone else. but even as a fellow traveler, both ~obviously intending~ to continue their journeys, there's no suggestion that their paths may intertwine deliberately, only inevitably diverge and briefly cross by happenstance or on a whim.

Mirabelle (regular): "...You can be so nice, Siffrin. [...] You know, um, um... Um!!! I know we haven't known each other for that long... B-But I hope you know I really treasure your company! I do! I really really do!!! And so... Thank you! Thank you for accompanying me on this journey! [...] ...I'm sure you're excited to go back to traveling on your own... But don't forget me, okay? Come see me at Dormont anytime! I'd love to hang out! Promise!!!"

Mirabelle (friendquest): "I have a lot ahead of me, still. But I never would have realized this without you, Siffrin! S-So, whenever you're done traveling, or you'd like to stay someplace for a little bit... Maybe think about coming to visit Dormont? Just to say hi? B-But you don't have to!!! It's just an idea!!! [...] I'm glad we're friends, Siffrin. ... D-Don't forget about me on your journey, okay!"

Mirabelle got so goddamn close to an actual, straightforward invitation for them to stay with her. "whenever you're done traveling or you'd like to stay someplace for a bit" could be a long-term thing of indefinite duration! but then she anxiously backtracks to "visit," "just say hi," "you don't have to! it was just an idea!" out of fear of coming on too strong, imposing too much. she's the one afraid of being forgotten, here, worrying that she'll fade as easily from their mind as anything else, unmissed. trying to balance emphasizing that his company is something that she genuinely wants, but leaving room for them to back out without feeling awkward if it's not something that they genuinely want.

in every case, Siffrin's plans "to keep/go back to traveling" are assumed, the distance is assumed, the separation is inevitable. it's all Siffrin can hear, couched in polite, socially mandated overtures to keep in touch. everyone will be gone and they will be alone again, outside of brief, occasional reunions (and always reunions that he would have to impose to initiate—how can they choose to visit Siffrin if they have no home to visit?—how can Siffrin know if they truly meant it when they asked, if they'll still mean it as time goes on?).

it's all the rest of the party can imagine, too—of course their mysterious rogue will quietly disappear back into the forests and crowds, impossible to find or contact after it's all over. they're left asking, begging, through the clenched teeth of social restraints, not to be left behind or forgotten, either. please visit, they say. don't you get it? don't you know how important to me you've become, how much i want to keep you in my life? they don't say.

and now all i can hear when i read back these lines is

to Bonnie (friendquest): “Yeah, I’ll come by.”

to Isabeau (regular): (You nod.)

to Isabeau (friendquest): (...) (You nod.)

to Odile (first time): (She's smiling at you gently.) (You smile back.) (…)

to Odile (friendquest): (You nod.)

to Mirabelle (first time): (You promise.)

to Mirabelle (friendquest): (. . .) “I'd like that, Mirabelle.”

everyone knows Siffrin is quiet, but that’s probably not the level of enthusiasm they would hope for!!

thinking especially in contrast to when Odile gives him the mirror picture—they don’t just smile, they beam! he doesn’t just nod, he nods furiously in excitement to have this proof of their journey together. the rest of the party is frequently reacting to and commenting on the faces he makes. we know Siffrin can be hugely expressive and obvious with affection even in their silence.

but everything here is restrained and understated as soon as the question of the future is raised.

there are some very telling (...) in several of these conversations, but i feel the shift most sharply in that first conversation with Mirabelle.

she praises them, and he blushes! she talks about how much they mean to her, how grateful she is that he joined her, and he’s smiling so hard it hurts!!

…and then she talks about them separating. about being forgotten.

that extra spacing in (You promise.) is putting in a lot of work. the moment is heavy, suddenly, instead of bursting with joy. the conversation ends.

(Don’t think about it, don’t think about it, don’t think about it.)

i wonder if the rest of the party could feel him pulling away in these moments, even before the loops start straining the smiles he gives them. thinking this is where we lose them, no matter how much they want him to stay, try to let him know that he’s welcome.