so i haveth a laser pointere

unclean = adj. of or pertaining to uncles

It IS true that being on here gives you a tumblr accent. This morning my mother asked me something and i replied "i don't know i've never heard these words in that order" and she nearly choked laughing. It wasn't even that funny

at my old job i had a coworker who was tired and made a coffee with like 6 or 8 shots of espresso and i just casually went up to them like “are you trying to meet god?” and not only was this absolutely hilarious to them but they brought it up in future conversations they thought it was so funny but to me this was just as casual as saying “woah that’s a lot of coffee”

Being funny on Tumblr and then going to be funny in real life is like traveling to a foreign country and baby the currency exchange rate is biased in your favor

*this meeting could have been an email voice* this cgi could have been a puppet

i think it's really fun when a rly specific trope is super popular in one particular medium but in other ones it's just totally unheard of. it's the time knife. visual novel players are suuuuper used to death games but many others encountered them for the first time in squid games. the other day my mom showed me all excited the summary of a super original novel she found and it was about a girl who got reincarnated as the main character in her favorite fantasy book

what the fuck is a time knife

Time knife is a form of time knife

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I lowkey hate when programs talk to me in a friendly way. "don't worry, nearly there!" Shut up. It should say "loading 64.3% completed. Do not turn off device" and absolutely nothing else. You arent my friend you are computer. Act like it

hot available breakfast sandwiches in my area

for what its worth i do appreciate that the statement "I cant draw yaoi right now because i have to teleport particles" is a real, accurate thought i get to have every work week day

unrelated but one of the bad fanfiction lines that has been trapped in my head for LITERALLY 22 years was a beauty and the beast fanfic in which belle said “be careful, im a virgin in my vagina”. this has been on the tip of my tongue threatening to burst out of my mouth for decades