Here's a list of us with classpects and (shareable) traits. Ask any of us anything and we will probably answer, unless noted that they wont.
Also, we didn't stick to gendered classpects. Fuck gender roles.
Ace: Heir of Blood
Alyx: Heir of Time
Anna: Kiddo, Sylph of Blood
Elle: Also Sylph of Blood but different reason
Ashe: Phoenix, Mage of Blood
Atlas: Unknown race, Rogue of Light
Aurora: Prince of Time
Bea: Bumble Bee, Seer of Breath
BellBell: Kiddo, Rogue of Heart
Dave: Introject, Knight of Time
Delta: Bard of Doom (probably won't answer)
Gamma: Also Bard of Doom (also probably won't answer)
Dragonfyre: Faerie, Maid of Breath
Dylan: Maid of Blood
Eridan: Troll, Introject, Prince of Heart
Ian: Unknown race, Seer of Void
Iris: Bard of Light
Jayden: Page of Heart
Kalistar: Drow/Dark Elf, Seer of Time
Kamiya: Maid of Space
Lucy: Also Maid of Space
Kara: Mage of Mind
Kiyomi: Rogue of Mind
Lavender: Maid of Life
Mysti: Seer of Mind
Tavi: Introject, also Seer of Mind
Nightmare: race- nightmare, Witch of Rage
Nyx: Thief of Time
Obsidian: Knight of Heart
Oliver: Knight of Life
Penelope: Knight of Rage
Phillip: Rogue of Life
Remi: Kiddo, Zombie Piglin, Sylph of Hope
Ruven: Witch of Breath
Ryn: Page of Life
Sammy: Sylph of Time
Sapphira: Dragon, Prince of Rage
Skylar: Mage of Hope
Starrlett: Introject, Stuffie, Knight of Light
Tobias: Bard of Void (most likely will not answer)
Umber: Heir of Mind
Vinette: Forest Spirit, Prince of Void
Wally: Kiddo, Mage of Heart
Willow: Introject, Pegasus, Muse of Life
Zero: Muse of Light
Zuri: Kiddo, Sylph of Life
Glitch: race- glitch, Unknown Classpect
Wyntr: Unknown Classpect
Pupcake: Unknown Classpect
Will Not Answer
Frequent Fronter
Have fun. Goofy questions are more likely to be answered first. Deeply personal questions will be either publicly shamed or gently declined based on who's out and how obvious the breach of privacy is.
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YaLL THIS IS MY FUCKING MOTHER!!!!! SHE FUCKING GETS IT I GUESS. WASNT EXPECTING SUCH A RESPONSE AND I ALMOST CRACKED UP LAUGHING IN THE ER WAITING ROOM BC HER RESPONSE CAME IN WHILE MY HUBBY WAS READING AND I WAS COMPLETELY CAUGHT OFF GUARD
We are SO FUCKING STRESSED RN. We had to take our friend to the ER for SEVERE pain that was bad enough she literally didnt even fight us when we said we were taking her.
(Side note: we went to the ER for US ON FUCKING TUESDAY GFDI IM SO TIRED OF THIS PLACE RN)
But, they are so busy, there are people IN THE WAITING ROOM WITH LITERAL IVs ALREADY IN THEIR ARM AND JUST CLAMPED OFF AS THEY WAIT (at least 3 that I've seen)
Im surrounded by pain and likely death, and I'm stuck with horrible overwhelming beeping and hospital sounds suggesting MORE pain and death and I'm super stressed. I hate hospitals but I want to be there for my friend. My hubby drove us, but I HAD to come. Worrying myself to death at home alone without my husband and only friend in proximity enough to be able to help me both gone.
Yeah, its kinda selfish of me, but also like.... my OCD is flaring up with thoughts of losing one or both of them (like if they had a crash on the way and I wasnt there and lost both of them at once) and that would only divert attention of my hubby AWAY FROM MY FRIEND who needs all the support she can get rn. Is that selfish? I literally dont fucking know anymore.
Also, idfk why I am putting this on this blog but tbh I dont care. I just dont know how to sign off cause the stress lately has raised mental barriers JUSUUSSSSSTTTT enough that idk who I am. Idk if there are others with me. Idk if im alone in front. Idk if im just blendy. Ahhhh.
Bois. Once we figure out how to word something, we going on a rant. Online system spaces have pissed me off once again. For now, its off to Libre Office to try to make it make more sense than the incoherent babble currently floating around in my head.
We'll just reblog this to attach it I guess.
-Penelope/Jayden (Dave is just here to keep those two somewhat level headed....)
Quick update: life decided to pay a visit rather unannounced. Rant will be postponed, as I haven't even finished the first run-through... like before I even begin to fix aggressive wording...
Curious to know what your rant is going to be about. Would you be willing to at least share that before posting your rant? :3c
No problem!!!
Its about the difference between "person" being used in medical terminology as a colloquial stand-in for "human", vs "person" being used in the PHILOSOPHICAL sense.
Long story short, I have WORDS for people who fake claim systems because they refer to their headmates as other people.
But I get REALLY angry REALLY easily, so I'm trying to make sure I'm not being an asshole or attacking people who may or may not refer to alters as people.
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Bois. Once we figure out how to word something, we going on a rant. Online system spaces have pissed me off once again. For now, its off to Libre Office to try to make it make more sense than the incoherent babble currently floating around in my head.
We'll just reblog this to attach it I guess.
-Penelope/Jayden (Dave is just here to keep those two somewhat level headed....)
Sooooo. I was thinking back to things, especially around getting my diagnosis. Its been almost a month and, at least so far, my imposter syndrome has been Thanos snapped????
It's not even like.... began to come up??? I figured the diagnosis was a rocket launcher to destroy it when it rears its ugly head, but like, was that diagnosis just a nuke????
So, I have realized something that is slightly tangential to what I was going to rant about and is instead a somehow even more philosophical thought process. Please help - this book is making me do philosophy which we all (system-wide) hate because of how confusing it gets very soon down the rabbit hole.
My vague rant:
This book (Never Let Me Go by Kazuo Ishiguro) is by far my (and many in the system) favorite book that we have ever read. It also it the book that raises the most sheer vitriol at what is happening in its world out of literally any book any of us have ever read and we have thrown books at the wall in anger/frustration/sadness twice.
I won't give spoilers above the cut, but know that it raises the question of what makes someone/something a person deserving of basic rights, such as literally just not being treated like an animal, and deserving of autonomy over their lives.
Personhood here is different than simply being human. I'm examining personhood in a more philosophical sense. For example, I don't thank many/any people disagree that Superman would be a person. However, anyone who knows anything about Superman knows that he is absolutely not human in any way.
Rant about Philosophy in general and the assignment:
Most of us, myself included, hate philosophy for the reason stated above. BUT, my professor for this class said that for the final essay, we were to choose any topic from any book we read for his class.
Obviously, I'm going to pick the one I found most intriguing, which in this case happened to be my favorite. Immediate thought: "Okay, what can I write about??" followed by "OH! I can write about why I agree with the seemingly tiny activist group we see in the book!!!!"
Now, I didn't really have a leaping off point besides the idea, but I had already submitted my essay proposal to the professor and he had approved it, so I went to my husband who has more general knowledge than I do (we're both extremely autistic and have super hyperfocused special interests, but he spread out more outside of that focus).
However... one of his two main special interests is philosophy. It's what he has his bachelor's in as a stepping stone toward law school. He saw my more specific prompt that I'll put under the cut because spoilers and immediately hopped into action.
To my chagrin, he started citing philosophers - I only recognized a couple, let's be honest here... - as well as giving me peer reviewed philosophy articles and referring me to sections in the many books he's collected. He also recommended I go to the online philosophy encyclopedia to find more information. I had, at that moment, realized the predicament I had gotten myself into.
-Atlas (Wow, we're posting to this blog without system tags? What????)
Rant with spoilers under cut
So, we're going to start with what I submitted as my essay proposal. Why should the clones in Never Let Me Go be considered as people and not merely livestock for harvest. This is pretty much the whole premise of the book.
The people we are introduced to are revealed SEVERAL CHAPTERS INTO THE BOOK, to be human clones whose only purpose in life is to grow up and caring for doners for a little bit before starting the donation process themselves.
"But Atlas, what are they donating? Why do the doners need cared for?" (Language warning) EXACTLY THAT'S THE FUCKING PROBLEM!!!!!! We are introduced to Hailsham, a boarding school. We slowly learn some things that stand out as weird. They never get to leave until they graduate - never seeing the outside world before then. They are all but required to produce art, for which they have exchanges to earn credits for which to buy others' art. Some art is taken to a room to be reviewed by "the curator" who takes a few into the outside world before the students get access to it??? There are some strange cogs that don't seem to fit into the narrative we've been given.
Mid-ish way through the book, some of the students (who are children at this point) are talking about their aspirations. One states that they want to be a movie star. Another says how just having their own cubicle to decorate in an office job sounds awesome! A guardian (the teacher) who was watching over them stops, tears in her eyes. She calls the children together and slowly explain that they won't ever have the chance to do those things. It's not what they were meant for. They have other things in their future.
(Language warning again) YEAH, SO THOSE FUCKING "OTHER THINGS" ARE EVENTUALLY LIVING OUT THE REST OF THEIR (VERY EPHEMERAL) LIFE GETTING THEIR FUCKING ORGANS HARVESTED FOR TRANSPLANT INTO HUMANS WHO NEED THEM, IMPLIED TO BE "ACTUAL PEOPLE THAT ARE MORE IMPORTANT THAN THE CLONES"
And the clones just ACCEPT THIS????? Like they're sad at first, but they've been conditioned to think "Oh, I'm going to save so many lives <3" instead of "I don't get a choice in how or when I die..."
There's a couple things about this, other than the obvious "Maybe let's not harvest people???" , that makes me absolutely livid.
The Carers mentioned before are literally just people in line to become the next pile of meat. They have to take care of their own kind, because you know, if "real people" were forced to help and see not only how miserable these people are during their round of donations, but also how relatable they are, the practice would end nigh instantaneously.
The fucking euphemisms used. "Donations" as if they have a bloody choice in the matter. They're set up from the start to have abysmally short lives because all that matters about their life is the quality of the organs they produce. "Completing donations", aka fucking dying because the last organ that was keeping them alive was eventually harvested/"donated" as well.
On point number 2, the use of this terminology is absolutely heinous to me and the rest of my system. The actual reality of the dehumanization happening is already disgusting, but the need/desire to "prettify" it with "nicer wording" makes it so much worse for us.
TW TALKING ABOUT THE HOLOCAUST FROM HERE DOWN
Euphemisms regarding severe dehumanization exist in the real world too. Really? "The Final Solution"?? Sir, you are talking about eradicating an entire culture! You don't get the luxury of soft words. Try to tell us exactly what you're doing and see how the world reacts. Something I just learned from my husband who has WWI & II as a special interest and considers it his duty as a good human being to understand intimately what led up to the Holocaust - literally the event that led to the creation of the word Genocide - so that history doesn't repeat itself: The full German/Nazi title of the genocide of so many many innocent people was "The Final Solution for the Jewish Question". The Question at hand? How to get rid of the Jews permanently.
And what's worse for me is that shortening it to "The Final Solution" - casually leaving out the part that would make people ask what exactly you meant - in so many textbooks actively gets us desensitized to how disgusting it really is. In this book, the same thing is being done to the public regarding "donations" (I am absolutely not saying this is comparable to a real world genocide.)
To the public in this book, clone donations are a normal thing. They happen every day. But if they called it what it was - harvesting - how long would it be before the system collapsed?
And do I get overly sensitive to these words? Maybe. I do, in fact, feel like I'm overreacting or at least getting slightly more worked up than any other decent person, and I KNOW I'm getting more worked up than the average person. But at the same time, any decent person would be disgusted at the dehumanization happening. It just becomes especially repulsive to hear words trying so hard to be palatable and knowing what they really mean.
--------
Also, if you come at me with vegan ideology, I would like to refer you to my paper on what makes something a person before you continue. Can I go hunting for my own food? No, because I attach to even inanimate objects, extremely quickly. However, the animals we raise, we have raised for meat. And if you are one of the vegans that have an issue with honey, for the love of god look into what beekeepers actually do.
A rant/vent about the content of our favorite book will come shortly (the next couple of hours??)
I'll have a vague rant above cut and give spoilers in the rant below the cut.
I've already read the book once and am only rereading this soon because I need to mark specific examples that meet certain criteria for a 6 page paper that is due at the end of April (I have 276 pages left, save me), but hopefully will have enough examples to prove my point that I will not have to go through the entirety of the book again before the deadline.
Anyway, right now, I need to continue finding examples, so I will just update later. The rant will contain information gained from the ENTIRETY of the book, not just the part I've already reread.
So........ I just learned on of the System's overall favorite genre of music is called Bossa Nova. I learned this by googling "what genre is wii music"...
Google went immediately for the jugular and made sure to inform me it is also known as "elevator music" and I had just never put that together.
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My Trauma specializing therapist would like to start EMDR with me. We understand the basics of how it works, but delving back into it all, even in short, controlled bursts, is INCREDIBLY scary for a lot of us.
In the words of my therapist: "You know, I keep making plans to do EMDR next session with you guys, but then you come the next week and it's someone else, usually someone who doesn't want to start it yet..."
So... um... well, we need to come to a consensus and understanding as a system on not only how it works, but that it's not scary and very likely will help based on our research.
HELP???
-THE Dave Strider (this is how I'm signing off from now on lmfaoooooooooo)
We paid 7.70$ for a 40 page DID workbook PDF. It's actually really nice to have - will not be returning for money back. It's got guided journal prompts, trackers, general information and advice, helpful affirmations to print out and hang around your abode. Info about below cut, but I'm willing to post individual question or ideas in the workbook. I just don't feel right posting actual pages bc they worked hard on it and deserve to earn their money... (BELOW CUT IS LIKE REALLY SUPER LONG. I MAY HAVE WRITTEN AN ESSAY WHOOPSIE)
It's actually really nice. HOWEVER, there are 18 "Thought Challenging Questions for DID" and uhm. They do indeedy-doodle be challenging. I rolled a D20 instead of just choosing one. It asked for the support systems in place for as many alters as possible, so we're gonna try to remember to write our piece when we switch. (We'll see how that works out lmfaoooo)
There's also ~harder questions~ that I am so fucking glad I didn't roll. WTF do you mean What strengths does everyone bring to the table and how does that improve your life?????? That's such a hard question for us like wut not all of us even have a defined ROLE yet. WTAF. or How did my understanding of my alters evolve over this week??????
OR THE OVERCOMING NEGATIVE THOUGHTS SECTION OMFG THESE QUESTIONS HURT.
I always mess things up. Well, what successes can I acknowledge?
I'm broken beyond repair. Well, what strengths have helped me cope?
LIKE DUDE WHAT AHHHHHHHHH
But no, this journal workbook thing is amazing and bc its a PDF, we can print multiple copies of the pages.
No system mapping help though, beyond suggesting you try it and giving resources to help. BUT LIKE OMG IF I CAN KEEP UP WITH THIS (thanks ADHD~) THEN IT SHOULD HELP LIKE SO MUCH!!!!!
Also a list of beneficial habits? YES THE FUCK PLEASE???? Practice grounding techniques even when you don't need them in the moment? Why the fuck did we not think of that??????
Fucking yearly SMART (specific, measurable, attainable, relevant, time-bound) goals that also includes "How can I cultivate a stronger sense of self-awareness in my DID journey this year?"
Weekly Planners? "What small steps can I take this week to nurture my different identities' needs?" AND separating tasks into the 4 categories of urgent and important, urgent but not important, important but not urgent, and neither urgent nor important... which is a HELL OF A LOT LESS STRESS than a fucking checklist with no structure so everything seems urgent and important and its all overwhelming as fuck.
Daily Journal/CHekclist including how i slept, how i feel that morning, gratitude and affirmations, how my day went, how relaxed do i feel, and how would i like to feel tomorrow (WITH A FUCKING HELPFUL LIST OF IDEAS)
Weekly Recap including how do i feel about next week/how ready am i, moments that stood out, personal highlights, and lessons from my mental health
Monthly recaps with a helluva lot more that i dont want to type
habit and emotion trackers, both weekly and monthly (with space to add others. for example, the emotion tracker came with anxiety, confusion, anger, calm, and joy. i added frustration (usually hand in hand with anger, but slightly different), apathy, hyperactive, lonely, sad, manic (i have bipolar and if im off my meds its... well...), and irritable.
FUCKING MEDITATION EXERCIZES SPECIFICALLY FOR TRAUMA AND DID which i desperately hope my ADHD will work with... AND PHYSICAL ACTIVITY RECOMMENDATIONS???
WTAF IS THIS WORKBOOK I LOVE IT SO FCKING MUCH AHHHHH
Anywhodie-who... This is long enough as is. But I've printed out several of the pages and have a physical journal for the guided journal prompts. Imma try to remember to start bringing it to therapy as a sort of check-in for the week before diving into whatever we're doing that week. GOD we've been meaning to start EMDR, but like my therapist pointed out today "You know, I've been making plans to start EMDR, but then you come in as a different person that I did not make those plans with..."
So we kinda all gotta come to a consensus about that technique.... But some of us are legitimately scared... I should make another post about that.... get some advice.....
My YT algorithm is now full of videos like "OMG this content creator is FaKiNg their disorder 🫢🫢🫢🫢!!!!!"
and a lot, if not most of the videos are DID related... and no one is a clinical professional. all just armchair therapists who think they have the right to diagnose someone (or un-diagnose?)
like........ how can you definitively claim to understand their lived experience? I'd get if they were claiming to be endo. But these are just popular DID creators you're trying to shit on.
DID is such a complex disorder. we're not even a spectrum, but a series of spectrums from overtness to alter differences to rapidness of switches and so much more.
how about you do something useful for the community instead of tearing people down?
Do I admit some of these creators give me doubt? Yes, but it's not my place or anyone's place besides their doctors and therapists to give or take away that diagnosis.
like it's just gross and when i watch these videos (cause I have indulged twice), it just flares up my imposter syndrome.
like "omg this creator is faking bc they can switch on demand" and ummmm bitch I can do that (after fucking years of working without access to medical help to become a functional multiplicity)
"omg this creator's littles talk like fucking babies and it's soooooooo fake". umm so do my kiddos? it helps with the body dysmorphia for them if their voices sound closer to their own ages. does it feel like faking to any adult they may be co with? yes, but that doesn't mean it is fake, but just not how the rest of us talk???????
"omg this creator makes a weird face when this specific alter switches" bitch that's a recognized sign?!?!?!?!
"omfg this creator's 'alters' can finish each other's sentences" it's called being covert??????????
god this shit pisses me off to no end. just let systems exist in the way they need to exist. stop being a fucking asshole and fake-claiming someone just because their system doesn't perfectly match your idea of what a system should be. you're just as bad as r/systemcringe, just on youtube instead. it's disgusting.
hell, i don't even know who's fronting sometimes (like now) and have to look at our list to hopefully get an idea or a general vibe that feels correct. guess our new diagnosis is just from 18 years of faking.
also also, we figured it out at fucking 8 years old because we've always been fairly in tune with ourselves, noticed the missing chunks of time, and started writing notes to "ourself". one day "ourself" answered, and we were thoroughly freaked out. we didn't tell anyone because we thought we were like actually insane and they would lock us up.
fast forward to age 16 and we found out there's a name for this shit? i'm not alone? i'm not crazy???.
it's been 10 years since then, almost 11. that shit would be fucking DIFFICULT to fake for that long, especially consistently enough that our husband can sometimes tell who's out before we identify ourself???????
(NOTE: I don't think endo's can be "fake-claimed" in the same way. You can't be a multiple/plural without trauma. That's science, not fake-claiming.)
-I'd sign off but (see above) I don't know who's fucking fronting. Penelope vibes but not entirely. Possibly co-con...
Don't use either of these platforms if you value yourself and your safety.
Orbit is open about using AI and doubles down no matter what if you point out how risky using AI for an app like this is.
Indigo on the other hand, made an eager post about the app they're developing, saying that they can look at your data and will very much delete your account if they find out you're an endo or find endo material in your account.
Remember that there are going to be people looking to take advantage of the fact there's very little for systems right now. Do your due diligence and make sure to do extensive research before using any platform claiming to be for systems, even if by a system.
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So, I just recently downloaded it. I havent messed with it MUCH, but I DID fiddle around with it.
My main concern is the offline bit. On one hand, it means we won't have to worry about servers going down like with SP and Octo. It is not ON any server to shut down. But on the other hand, I would like to log journals and write the alter profiles on my PC, but need to have it with me on my phone so I can log switches. This means, my only option is to constantly be exporting/importing files between the two until I can figure out how to cloud host the directory folder - which is what I'm working on figuring out.
If anyone knows an easy way to sync between phone and PC, halp.
I'd like to also know this. We dont tend to use offline for logging alters. And I need it on my computer and on my phone. So offline is very difficult for me. This all wouldn't have happened for us systems if those silly apps didn't shut down. -Sherlock
Yeah. Im not angry at the devs or anything besides a little frustration from the mere 26 hour gap between "Octocon is stable again!!" to "Octocon is shutting down" (because the first message had 0 indication of the second) because they are stepping down for mental health reasons. 1000% valid. But it does suck that virtually every CDD-centric app either shut down or isn't what I'm looking for-
Im quite literally using fucking toyhou.se for alter profiles on a new alt account, and that's probably what's gonna happen even after there's a new online app to migrate to because I dont want to risk having to redo everything AGAIN.
Right now, two alters (Jayden and Atlas) finished their profiles and have tabs for various levels of trust. But there's 50 of us and that is already a LOT of work. I dont even want to BEGIN to know how terrible that would be for PDID/100 alters+
Like bro...
We have a basic tab, then tabs for friends, trusted friends, and Best Friends (this category will ONLY EVER BE my hubby and 2 closest friends). So even if we have someone like Atlas, who didnt need the best friend tab, thats still THREE TABS PER ALTER AND FIFTY ALTERS. Depending on how fancy everyone wants theirs (aka code their own or used the template Mysti made bc thank fuck for the few alters in this system that know basic HTML/CSS) and because no one wants WTSIWYG so like. Thats at LEAST 300lines of code PER ALTER and yet again, 50 alters means 15000 lines (i dont know if I did the 0s correctly. Maybe only 1500 lines but STILL)
So, I just recently downloaded it. I havent messed with it MUCH, but I DID fiddle around with it.
My main concern is the offline bit. On one hand, it means we won't have to worry about servers going down like with SP and Octo. It is not ON any server to shut down. But on the other hand, I would like to log journals and write the alter profiles on my PC, but need to have it with me on my phone so I can log switches. This means, my only option is to constantly be exporting/importing files between the two until I can figure out how to cloud host the directory folder - which is what I'm working on figuring out.
If anyone knows an easy way to sync between phone and PC, halp.
