Trials and Tribulations of an Asexual Teen

In today's diverse and evolving society, it is crucial to discuss and understand the various aspects of identity. Asexuality, a sexual orientation characterized by a lack of sexual attraction, is an essential topic that deserves attention, especially when it comes to teenagers. This blog post aims to shed light on asexuality in teenagers, exploring their experiences, the concept of aromanticism, the intersection with the LGBTQ+ community, and the importance of love and pride.

Understanding Asexuality

Asexuality is often misunderstood or overlooked, but it is a valid sexual orientation. Teenagers who identify as asexual may experience a lack of sexual attraction towards any gender. It is important to recognize that asexuality is a spectrum, and individuals may have different levels of sexual desire or romantic attraction.

Aromanticism and Asexuality

While asexuality refers to the lack of sexual attraction, aromanticism goes a step further and encompasses a lack of romantic attraction. Some teenagers may identify as both asexual and aromantic, finding fulfillment and happiness in friendships rather than traditional romantic relationships. It is crucial to validate and accept these experiences to create a more inclusive society.

Asexuality and the LGBTQ+ Community

Asexuality is part of the diverse LGBTQ+ community, and it is essential to acknowledge and support asexual teenagers within this broader context. By recognizing asexuality as a valid sexual orientation, we can foster inclusivity, understanding, and support for all young people.

Love and Relationships

Love and relationships are not solely based on sexual attraction. Asexual teenagers can experience deep emotional connections, intimacy, and meaningful relationships. It is important to emphasize that love takes on various forms and should not solely be defined by sexual attraction.

Pride and Visibility

The asexual community, like other LGBTQ+ communities, celebrates pride as a way to promote visibility, acceptance, and support. Pride events, online platforms, and community organizations play a vital role in providing resources, connections, and a sense of belonging for asexual teenagers.

Understanding asexuality in teenagers is crucial for creating a more inclusive and accepting society. By acknowledging and respecting their experiences, we can provide support, foster understanding, and ensure that all young people feel validated and empowered in their identities. Let us celebrate love in all its forms and embrace the diversity within the teenage population.

It’s not fair that I’m asexual. It’s not fair I’m a romantic. I can’t believe this card was dealt to me. Why can’t I fall in love? Why don’t I want to make out with anyone? All my friends have. Everyone laughed at me because I’m single. Why do I feel so much disgust at thinking of losing my virginity? Or why do I feel simply neutral regarding it? Why don’t I want sex as much as everyone around me. It’s not fair that I’m all alone and all my friends have partners. My parents keep telling me to find someone but I just CAN’T tell them what I feel because they won’t understand. I know they’ll just laugh. I’m so angry, because everyone keeps telling me I will find someone and I quite simply know I will not. They don’t understand it. They say it’s not natural. Why are all my friends getting married already and I’ve never even been in a relationship? My younger brother has been happily married for years. My colleagues at work bring their spouses for dinner and I can’t turn up all alone.

It’s not fair, it’s not fair, it’s not fair.

Well, my asexual and aromantic friends. This is our life, IF WE CHOOSE TO LOOK AT IT THAT WAY. But we write our own story, and though we do not choose our asexuality, we do choose how we look at it, and how we react to it too.

Yes, we can be upset over our sexuality. It is hard soometimes. Actually, it is hard ALL of the time.

I will not deny it. At all.

And even if you all hate me because I make it sound so easy, accpting your asexuality as it is can set you free. I felt set free when I accpeted myself for who I am. You stop trying to be like everyone else. You stop trying to like people because other people do. You realise you are heathy and alive and as sane as everyone else. And you can live your live without some flaming romantic interest taking over it.

When I watched Season 2 of Heartstopper, as mentioned in my previous post, I discovered the existence of asexuality and aromanticism (no spoilers!!).

I realised, maybe, just maybe, there was a small chance that I was asexual and aromantic.

The fact that I had not realised before was greatly due to the fact that aro ace people have little to no media visibility. I didn't know I could be aro ace because, quite frankly, I did not know anything of the sort existed. And because nobody close to me knew about it either, I had not been extremely englightened on the topic. My parents are homophobic. A lot of my classmates are too. Nobody spoke of LGBTQ+ unless it was to insult something related. Of my frieinds, many of whom identified as something on the LGBT spectrum (all the school gays happen to get on) only one is aro ace, and didn't talk about it until I came out to them (non-binary) because they realised around the same time as myself.

I love Game of Thrones. Now, I know Varys is asexual (and yes, his asexuality predated him being an eunuch). Unfortunately (and this is cimpletely my fault, I only read up to book 4 and an currently trying to convince myself to start watching Season 2. He is the first asexual character I have found on TV other than one of the ones in Heartstopper.

Then there is Loveless, also my Alice Oseman. Revolves around an asexual girl. And though I have read much better books (sorry, Alice), I must say that it is one of my favourites simply because of the fact that its main character is asexual.

And to many aro ace people, including myself, one of the main fears is that we will be alone the rest of our lives, incapable of finding love.

I shared this fear when I discovered my sexuality. And I want tp tell you all that this is NOT TRUE.

Yes, we will not have a bf/gf. We will probably not get married. (If you are only ace this si different). The difference is that we do not feel the NEED to do any of this.

But we are not alone. We have friends. We have family. We can still adopt kids, and if you think raising them alone is a bruden, just look at all the single mothers out there.

We can find love. Love surrounds us everywhere. It just isn't the pasisonate, soul-consuming, burning love that allosexuals often feel. But we do have love. Yes, we don't fall in love, not romantically or sexually at least, but we have love around us everywhere nontheless.

I want to make one thing very clear before anyone starts reading. Though I identify as being asexual and aromantic, I can only talk about my own story because it is the only one I really understand. And I know that all of us have a different story. We all walk a different path. We all react differently to the obstacles placed in out way. But I can only talk about myself and how I, and some people I know who are also aro-ace, have been affected by their sexuality. I hope sharing my story, as well as my opinions and advice is of any use to you.

I also want all my readers to feel free about contacting me if they want their story to be published or simply understood, EVEN IF YOU AREN'T AROMANTIC OR ASEXUAL YOURSELVES. I will handle everything which any of you send me with the utmost discretion and to the word referring to your wishes.

I am a British demigirl teenager of 14 years of age who has been living in Spain since the young age of about 4 or 5. I am currently undergoing my freshman year of highschool. The presence of the doubt that I was asexual always dug at the back of my mind, but I liked to think I wasn't. I was SCARED: I didn't want to be lonely for the rest of my life. In fact, I was obsessed with the idea that I would find love eventually.

I realised I didn't like boys or men when I was about 10 or 11 years old. I simply did not feel romantically attracted by them at all. Yes, I found some boys attractive, and some actors too, but I found I was not able to form romantic attractions towards them. What's more, the people who I had previously 'liked' (obvoiusly I was like 11 so never anything truly serious) had always been very good friends of mine. Such close friends that our friendship almost seemed like the celibate and completely nonsexual relationships the popular kids were forming between each other.

I knew that gay people existed. I'd never been against it. From the moment I realised being gay was a THING, I'd supported it, even if I didn't feel that way myself.

So I went and thought: hmmm... I don't like guys. That must mean I like girls. Now, what girl do I like?

So I found a pretty girl, VERY popular (actually, I remember quite clearly her name was Inés). And I decided I had a crush on her.

Then, 7th grade, I changed schools. And I lost contact with all my friends (including Inés). I found a girl, a Russian called Maria, and decided I liked her. We dated, some months later. But we never DID anything. Max was holding hands or kissing each others cheeks. Then we broke up on rather bad terms., Even now, almost a year and a half later, we don't talk. I was in the same room as her for 15 mins and has an anxiety attack. I must admit, I hold a massive amount of trauma from that relationship still.

I had never made out with anyone and never really felt the need to, even though by 8th grade most of my friends had. I felt like I fancied another of my friends, Sarah, but when I confessed my feelings I got rejected. I was not too sore about it, surprisingly. I felt more like my pride was hurt than that my heart was broken.

And then, something magical happened.

In June of 2023, at 14 years of age, I watched Heartstopper in a day with a friend.

I fell in love with it.

And then, on the 3rd of August, when season 2 was released, I watched the entirety of it at night on my phone. And that was when I discovered asexuality.

More later!