@/teaboot

This isn't even a joke it's just what we do

I have GOT to stop spending $30

"whats your 5 year plan?" buddy I nearly go insane thinking about what I should have for dinner

can we bring back the term "fair-weather friend" bc I feel like if fair-weather friends got called that more this whole argument about whether or not you should be there for your friends when it's inconvenient/at what point of personal inconvenience it's ok to bail on your friends would kinda fall apart bc like. we literally have a word for "friend who's only there when you don't need something from them" because the baseline expectation is that a friend should be there even when it sucks. like we used to make fun of people for bailing on their friends.

one of my favorite bits in lord of the rings is something the movies didn't really try to do because it's entirely internal, but sam's carrying the ring and it starts trying to do its work on him, so he's having these intrusive visions of himself marching at the head of a vast and terrible army, and he just starts laughing because, me? samwise gamgee? sam gamgee the general sam gamgee the dark lord are you for real? man i just want to go home and do some gardening. and the ring gets frustrated and it starts trying to figure out other stuff that would actually tempt sam and it's finally like, okay, but hear me out: imagine if you could have...A REALLY REALLY BIG GARDEN

i know the way people talk about their pets now is probably how we’ve been doing it for all of history. a cat owner in ancient rome saw their cat lounging on the dining pillows and commented “he thinks himself to be the senator claudius 🤣”

Can I be honest with yall I don't want to hear SHIT against cishets at pride this year

"But it's not FOR them!!!" The biggest military power in the world belongs to a christofascist nation overseen by a felon found guilty of 34 federal crimes and has greenlit a gestapo with more direct funding than the entire military of Canada for the purpose of ethnic cleansing. Let Hetero Jessica throw some biodegradable glitter at a municipal parade

At this point if anyone is trying to exclude anyone benignly pro-queer from a pro-queer space I'm just going to assume you're a fed or something idk like something something destabilize the movement from within or whatever

Layering my Short Skirt, Long Jacket (CAKE) over my White Tee (CORPSE) and Blue Jeans (Lana Del Ray) Knee Socks (Arctic Monkeys) and Blue Suede Shoes (Elvis) and then putting on my Raspberry Beret (Prince) before I head out to the Bard Olympics where I am disqualified for performance-enhancing power buffs. On my way home I am cast as a sassy but cute side character in an early 2010's Disney Channel original series. I look fresh as hell

Y’all making women in their thirties feel old is my villain origin story actually

[looking at people younger than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at people older than me] you have your whole life ahead of you [looking at myself] its over

graffiti discourse is so stupid why the hell would I give a shit if people spraypaint their names or do some cool paintings under a bridge