ArbitraryAnxiousOptimism

I commented on a YouTube video from my favorite reaction YouTuber who was trying to analyze the skin peeling scene, and I commented that I saw it as a trans woman being forcibly exposed to the only friends she ever had, and they laugh and ridicule her for who she really is- not like when they would laugh at the constructed “funny guy” persona she uses to avoid being actually hurt.

And some random fuck commented, totally unprompted, “if Jax is trans he has to be trans masc”

I respond with a short paragraph of pretty much just all the evidence of her being a woman, including but not limited to the progesterone comic, “hey goose why does Jax harass the girls more” “[he] has issues [he] hasn’t worked out with [himself] yet”, and the fact that I as a trans man cannot see Jax as a man ‘living his truth’, and both me and my trans women friends see her as a woman hiding from herself and lashing out over it.

Their one and only response was “well I don’t think a trans woman would react to the maid dress like that.”

I had to stop for a minute. Because oh my god, is that the only fucking evidence any of the Transmasc Jax truthers have? Because it’s all I ever actually see them use. Over and over and over and over. Is the heavily marketed Jax In A Maid Dress scene.

You. You can’t see why a trans woman who’s deeply ashamed of herself and her inclinations towards femininity would freak out when she’s non consensually forced into a maid dress.

Have you ever spoken to a trans woman in your life?

So I leave a polite but long paragraph about dysphoria and toxic masculinity and the concept of being in the fucking closet surrounded by people you do not know or trust and your deepest secret almost being exposed.

And they have completely abandoned the comment threat. Entirely.

They saw it important enough to come and tell me I was wrong and that Jax HAS to be a man, but gave me no evidence beyond “I want her to be a man”. And when I gave them evidence, they ignored it and went “I, a non trans woman, can’t see a trans woman who hates herself experiencing dysphoria and anxiety about being forced out of the closet.”

And for the record-

Gooseworx told us why Jax didn’t like the maid dress.

“[He] wasn’t ready to ask these questions about [him]self yet.”

Are you fucking kidding me.

Like. Remember ya’ll fucking transandrobros before you tell me I’m a horrible person for erasing a trans man headcanon, I am myself a trans man.

Jax is not. And has never been.

You are all going to scream and whine in the finale and say Goose hates trans men and did this on purpose because the trans man Jax headcanon got so big. I can see it now.

Because you all can’t tell the difference between a headcanon and an actual textually supported theory.

Trans men do not take progesterone and trans men do not have panic-attack-causing, unsettling revelations about themself after being put in women’s clothes.

TRANS MEN DO NOT TAKE PROGESTERONE.

Also, if Jax were a trans man and it were confirmed in the finale, that means a horde of transandrobro assholes are gonna start harassing Gooseworx over putting her transmasc character in a maid dress and selling plushies of it. Because why would someone write a story about a trans man and sell plushies of his most traumatic dysphoric moment of the show? That sounds fucked up.

That’s what Transmasc Jax truthers are ignoring. If she were actually a trans man and not a trans woman, it would be a horrible trans story that makes a joke of trans men by treating them like caricatures who are overly emotional and hate women. It would mean Jax is a legitimate misogynist who uses masculinity to hurt women on purpose with no deeper meaning than “I’m a man and I can.”

But she’s not a trans man. And this is an amazing (pun not intended) trans story.

And she uses her purposefully projected masculinity to try and distance herself from the women in the group, to push them away and down and to belittle femininity- to pretend like she doesn’t want it, and to pretend there’s nothing deeper than her bullying than “it’s funny”, not “I use it to forget and belittle my own femininity”.

The ears and tail are the pinnacle of masculinity.

And they are explicitly not a part of her circus body. Which perfectly encapsulates her mind files.

(I will use both she/her and he/him pronouns for Jax in this post b/c he used he/him throughout the show.) I mean, I would be far from liking Jax if I was in the canon TADC universe I think (Though I cannot be certain given TADC is a story and I am not a story), but I absolutely adore Jax. Jax is a terrible person, to his own admittance, but he's not just "evil for the sake of being evil" Does that excuse Jax's actions? No. Absolutely not. But understanding and excusing are not the same thing. I have no doubt that it would be a detriment to the story if Jax had simply been flat and one note, especially considering the story that was trying to be told. This does not mean that you're meant to admire Jax. In fact, far from it! You're meant to take it as a warning, a "what NOT to do." Regardless, Jax is one of my favorite characters. I hate/love him so much. It's also nice to imagine what she could have been like had she not been an asshole. Part of the tragedy of Jax is that she could have been happy if not for pushing everyone, including her true self, away. Would she still be snarky? I like to think so, but less cruel in a happier reality. Not to disregard TADC's canon, of course. I quite like the show and how it ended! It was not perfect, but nothing is. It would have been worse if Jax had no consequences for his actions. Some may argue that Jax is terrible representation b/c he's a bad person in the show, or that he did not transition in the show. I'd actually argue the opposite! Jax portrays a very specific part of a trans experience. Not every trans experience is a good one, and that's important representation too. If you only show off the good parts, then you are reducing a fleshed out experience to the surface level IMO. That is not to say that you have to like Jax in any way. Of course not! You can hate him as much as you like. I think we're meant to hate him to at least a degree, considering his awful actions. But one thing you should not hate Jax for is being trans. You should also not take hating Jax as an excuse to disregard her identity. Speaking of identity and Jax, please don't harrass anyone who likes the idea of different interpretations of Jax. AUs(Alternate Universes/fanworks) of TADC are a thing and are allowed to coexist with TADC in my opinion. Before I realized Jax was trans female, I had liked the headcanon of trans male Jax. I was not wrong for having this headcanon, despite it not being actual canon. It was just fun! So long as you don't disregard the purposeful trans fem coding of Jax and the words of Gooseworx herself regarding Jax in canon, then you should be fine I think. Though if you make a mistake I also believe you should be afforded some grace.

Okay, so even within the first episode abstraction is likened to giving up. Zooble says something along the lines of not believing that Kaufmo just gave up like that, if I'm remembering correctly.

The way it's treated like death (them having funerals for those that abstract, the characters various reactions to it, etc) follows this.

I believe that the way Jax's abstraction is treated in the Finale lines up with it as well. From how sudden it is and how it's done off screen (which was purposeful according to Gooseworx) reflecting how giving up can feel from others' perspectives in real life, to how Jax reacts to when Pomni is trying to save her.

When Pomni begins to approach Jax, one of the first things said is "Why are you here?" in a tone that is not strictly irritated, but certainly not happy. An attempt to continue pushing Pomni away. An attempt to put up an aggressive front, though Jax sounds tired. The next line shows even more exhaustion "You know everything now" "So why are you here?" his voice doesn't break, but the tone feels more distraught than angry.

As she continues speaking, Jax's facade breaks.

Jax says "I already know I am" referring to herself being a terrible person. "So why does anybody still care about me?" The tone is genuinely frustrated and almost heartbroken in a way.

"You're not supposed to care" his voice breaks on the word care, as if he can't stand the thought of it.

"You're not supposed to miss me. You're not supposed to love me" his voice is becoming teary, like he wants to sob. "This isn't how this is supposed to go!" And THAT is interesting. How is it supposed to go? This is pretty heavy handed in implying that Jax was expecting himself to abstract. Though you could argue that him almost abstracting in episode 7 prepared him for it. Still, he had obviously accepted that he was going to abstract by the finale.

Jax begins pleading for Pomni to leave her alone to abstract.

"You're making this so much harder" Jax says. Making what harder? Abstracting? Leaving everyone behind? Why would she not want to make abstracting harder?

Now, on to the point of me bringing all this up. I believe that abstraction is a metaphor for suicide. Am I the first person to make this connection? No. Just... The way Jax talks in this really aids this in my mind. Part of Jax pushing everyone away was to make it so nobody would care when she abstracted. "You're not supposed to miss me" was one of the things that especially stood out to me.

I think that Pomni trying to save Jax, Jax regretting it last minute saying "I don't want to go," and Pomni holding on to her in her final moments, is quite possibly akin to Jax being caught in the final moments of a suicide attempt. Still during the attempt but too late to stop it, but early enough for Jax realizing that there is someone that will miss her and to regret it. I don't know if any of this made sense, haha! Oh yeah! And on top of everything else, here is this by Gooseworx:

One of the only asexual activists is Yasmin Benoit, a Black woman. She has raised so much awareness for the community. She was the first asexual person to lead Pride in London, she started the #thisiswhatasexuallookslike movement and is THE leading voice for the community.

And you all will celebrate international asexuality day on April 6th but we wouldn't even have that if she hadn't cofounded it.

With the finale out now I think a central theme that I've recognized and really adore is "all of these characters are more complex than an audience would appreciate." They are all being squished into a child-friendly set of archetypes, be that by Caine, Jax, or metatextually, the fandom. Caine doesn't want them complaining, swearing or having sex, they just have to go on endless, mindless, youtube-monetizable adventures. He's the ringmaster, he puts them in a bright poppy's playtime ass stage and demands for funny to happen. Meanwhile, Jax doesn't want to address the dire reality of their situation and copes by playing along, treating himself and all the characters as flat archetypes with no internality, so that the elephants in the room can safely be ignored. The fandom, meanwhile, is quietly guilty of all the same things. "Why isn't my favorite character acting in accordance with my headcanon? Which characters are flatly evil so we can hate them? Will they achieve my perfect happy ending? Because if not I'll be mad about it."

It doesn't work. Because they're more complex than that. They're people, they need more, they have emotions and traumas and wants and needs. Ragatha isn't always cheerful, she's not just the mom friend, and she's not some manipulator either. She's a person, trying her best, and very often failing. Pomni isn't always anxious, she's a natural leader and she wants the best for everyone, but she's not perfect either. She's a person, trying her best, and very often failing. And Jax isn't just a villain, he's a very complicated ball of traumas whose consistent first instinct is to push everyone away, hurting others so that he won't get hurt himself. He's a person, trying his best, and very often failing. She might even be a girl. Zooble isn't just a grump, Gangle isn't just a wimp, Kinger isn't just crazy. They're humans. And humans aren't always good. They're messy, screwed up, complicated things. They're things that can't be flattened down to archetypes, no matter how much Caine, Jax, or the fandom wants it.

The fandom wanted a bunch of cookie cutter adventures with good guys and bad guys, but what we got is just a bunch of people, stuck together, their traumas rubbing up against eachother until something catches fire and explodes. And I think that's way more interesting. I'm glad the show is that. I understand not everyone feels that way, though. A lot of people wanted something less nuanced. But I don't think the show not matching your expectations is the show's fault. I think people just need to come at it with the right mindset. Meet the story where it's at.

care for gaza - focuses on providing food and essential supplies. donate here or here.

connecting humanity - securing internet access via donations of virtual sim cards (esims). if you can't afford a whole plan yourself, crips for esims is a communal pool that will use your donation to purchase and maintain esims

gaza soup kitchen - provides food, medical care, and classes for children. also has a gofundme

glia gaza medical support initiative - provides medical care through field clinics and tents at hospitals. donations can also be sent through their website.

ele elna elak - provides clean water, food, clothing, and shelter. they also have a gofundme

life for gaza - raising money for the gaza municipality to repair water and waste management infrastructure

taawon - partners with local civil organizations to provide food, water, medical care, shelter, and basic supplies

the sameer project - running various initiatives providing tents, medical care, and necessities. they have their own encampment project focused on sheltering families with children, sick and disabled members, or members in need of perinatal care

islamic relief worldwide's gaza emergency appeal - provides food, water, hygiene kits, medical supplies, and psychological support

baitulmaal - provides a variety of necessities, including food, water, shelter, and medical supplies

gaza mutual aid fund - distributes food, hygiene products, water, and other essential supplies, including financial support. run by @/el-shab-hussein's amazing friend Mona. updates can be found on her instagram.

hygiene kits for gaza - provides hygiene supplies including menstrual products, wipes, and toothbrushes/toothpaste

anera - provides a variety of necessities, including food, water, hygiene supplies, medicine, blankets and mattresses, and psychological care

palestine children's relief fund - provides supplies and support with a focus on children. also has an initiative for lebanon

@hellsite-hall-of-fame

You cannot change your gender. Your gender is a mental thing. There is no such thing as your physical gender. There is such thing as gender expression, but that varies from being to being.

You CAN change your physical sex to align with your gender. Of course, (currently, some far far away technology might change that) there's limits to how much you can change. Your sex is physical, though it does influence some mental things due to hormones and stuff (but again, you can take hormones and change it).

So, dear forms, my gender is male. My biological sex is female. Why did you put my gender as female. Fuck you.

If you want to take action and live in the US, please contact your senator if you can (here’s a website to help). Otherwise, donating to pro-trans agencies or even just supporting your trans friends and community will help more than you will believe.

You are never alone.