#ramble

And then it's really funny to think of like Eridian scientists getting mad and embarrassed as hellll that it was ROCKY of all people to make first contact.

and then she’s trying to get organised before she’s born and is like “wait when did i get this much stuff what the fuck”

yES OMG this is exactly what happens!!! it's very slow unintentional hoarding

the whole time everyone is just offhandedly like 'aw that's cute i'll just grab this'. and then the eviction date is approaching and it's time to actually put everything away and there's physically not enough space for all of it

US-based company YouTube just nuked the government funded channel for HIV prevention in Germany. The channel is purely educational and had no prior (or current) violations.

Assuming you guys get elections again; if I see a single person telling non-US-americans to stay out of it, it's on sight.

like, i wish i could just enjoy Shrek 2, it's a great movie overall, but every time i remember that movie i think of the scene where there is a long drawn out bit of all the characters making fun of, being disgusted by, and intentionally embarrassing Pinocchio for wearing women's underwear. i remember how i felt watching it when i was growing up, how every time a sense of terror filled me as i sat there trying really hard not to think about the fact that i used to wear girl's clothes in secret and imagining what horrible things might happen if anyone ever found out. i still get a little scared remembering the scene. meanwhile, i've seen many queer tme media critics do glowing queer analysis of the Shrek films while never mentioning the scene at all.

Futurama is a great show, and i love to do re-watches of it every so often. but everytime i do, i have to skip the Bender getting a sex change so he can cheat in the Olympics episode, and be reminded that to this show that i love, i and people like me are a joke and an object of disgust and suspicion. meanwhile, i've been around as tme friends just kinda absent-mindedly have the episode playing as they binge the series and only skip the episode once i walk into the room, notice it, and make a comment to the effect of "oh great, it's this episode."

Star Trek DS9 is a fantastic show that i need to watch more of, and one of my roommates has been doing a re-watch of the entire series that i occasionally catch glimpses of. i generally like what i've seen, but recently an episode came up where i guess Quark gets a sex change or something and there's a whole scene of characters cracking jokes at his expense and it made all of us very uncomfortable. not my friend's fault, mind you, he literally exclaimed "oh no, i forgot it was this episode" as soon as the scene started, and ended up fast-forwarding past the episode's big transmisogyny moment as soon as he could find the remote. this is more to point out how easily moments like that can just kind of happen no matter what you're watching, and how much it sucks that basically all tv, movies, and video games are a veritable minefield full of transmisogyny landmines ready to explode right in your face. it's nearly inescapable, especially if you're watching something older.

I didn't realize it until recently, but I've always seen love as something requiring sacrifice, selflessness, patience, and generosity- to ask for nothing is to be the best person I can be, small and quiet and never in the way, always happy and helpful, self-sufficient and present when desired.

It's only as an adult, now, that I'm beginning to see the selfishness of wanting nothing.

I cut my friend's hair in my kitchen the other day. They wanted a trim and I had the skills, so I offered, and was genuinely excited when they stopped hesitating over "bothering me" and took me up on it. It was a peaceful afternoon, and we had tea and chatted for an hour or more.

My brother and I shared popcorn at the movies a while ago. When I came time to pay, I pulled my card out like a wild western sheriff and slapped it on the machine before he could fight me for it first. The satisfaction was delightful.

Someone called me crying on the phone the other day. Kept apologizing for disturbing me at work, talking about how they were bothering me on my lunch break. I was telling the truth when I told them that really, I was flattered and honored and relieved, knowing that if they were hurting I would know, that I didn't have to worry in silence. It felt good to hear them slowly come down, and to know that they knew it would be better soon, and to hear them laugh wetly on the other end. We're getting together for a visit next week.

It's hard to need things, if you've trained yourself not to. It's hard to want things, when you don't know how to want anymore. Trusting people is difficult, and so is relying on them, but I don't know where I'd be without the people who rely on me.

I've heard a lot of people say, "Nobody will love you unless you love yourself". I've had a lot of thoughts about it. It's not right, but it's not wrong, either, I think.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... I've always taken that to mean, "You will not be lovable until you develop a positive view of yourself as a person".

Now, I think it's sort of inside-out.

"Nobody will love you unless you love yourself"... because nobody can show their love to you in a way that you can accept until you treat yourself kindly, and learn what you need, and what you want, and how to ask for it, and then give that vulnerability away.

Love, for me, is someone I ask for a ride to the airport. Whether they end up doing this or not is irrelevant.