the leggings of a simple man. a humble man.

to those of you who need to hear this: there are absolutely surgeries that give you both a penis and vagina at the same time, they're called salmacian surgeries! look them up!

I told someone these existed and they told me that was exactly what they wanted, but they'd been afraid to look it up for fear of how devastating it would be to find out there's no such thing. well there is! which means we need to start handing out flyers and running ads

all yall make jokes about couples and their nonromantic third wheel having fun together, but im the one getting treated to food tonight by the couple im nonromantically third wheeling. you wish you were me

I'm sorry I read this as "necromantic third wheel" and went on a very rapid powerful imagination adventure. hello lovebirds I'm the skeleton here for breadsticks

I hate you Ozempic craze I hate you 'heroin chic' I hate you weight loss ads on public radio I hate Burn Fat Fast ads every thirty seconds I hate you I hate you I hate you

duuuuuude you have GOT to come out tonight we're enacting cruelty upon those who have transgressed so badly that we can justify any act against them... and you KNOW we're interpreting our delight as moral righteousness... Yeah it's fucking crazyyyyyyy get an Uber