apple shampoo me

we are the daughters of parents who should not have had kids

People who sculpt in marble do fabrics and shit just to flex don’t they

Marble is a medium in which you can be horny on main and everyone’s like “wow that’s classy.”

I think having skills to construct flesh out of stone gives you as much right to be horny on main as any creator god.

cats would be so fucking upset if they understood they were missing out on the ability to lie verbally

The drake Kendrick beef trending on tumblr is like finding out an isolated village in the middle of Siberia with no internet or television access knows who Michael Jackson is

the Salem storyline in Sabrina the teenage witch is so so good bc like the wizard supreme court or whatever is like 'this man is the most dangerous war criminal in history. he has tried to commit genocide and become a dictator in many different dimensions. we can't give him the death penalty bc he used dark ancient magic to make himself immortal so we've trapped him in the body of a feline for eternal torture. it is the Spellman's duty to hold him prisoner for us'. and then the Spellman's are just like kitty,,,...........we're gonna get him a special pillow to sit on and buy him funny little outfits and cuddle with him while we sleep. he's the glue holding this family together we love him so much

Iv never seen a hummingbird sit before lol

i wasn’t going to reblog until he sat 

ITS BACK

I hate how if you want to do anything or go anywhere interesting you have to work a full time job to afford that but if you have a full time job you dont have time to do anything or go anywhere interesting!

they used to make smackable technology. you used to be able to hit your tv when it didn't work good.

"Isn't it weird that [thing humans commonly eat] is poisonous to literally every domesticated animal" I mean, there's a pretty good chance that [thing humans commonly eat] is at least mildly poisonous to humans, too. One of our quirks as a species is that we think our food is bland if it doesn't have enough poison in it.

it used to be 2007 you know