anxieties, man

a quote from ~therapy~ today that really resonated with me!

welcome.

nobody will be seeing this except for me (lol) -- i am planning on using this as a space to document my progress and my journey navigating through childhood trauma, resulting in inconsistent, disorganized attachment styles & relationships.

i have been really struggling lately (the last few months) within myself, wherein i find myself becoming increasingly anxious, paranoid even, about being left by my partner, E. she is amazing and constantly there for me throughout everything, but the intrusive thought that she is going to leave me just keeps becoming stronger and stronger.

i want the feeling of panic and paranoia to go away. i wish my brain would stop telling me that i don't deserve her. that she's too good for me. that she's going to find someone better than me and leave me for them. that one of her other romantic interests is going to 'replace' me.

my therapist recommended today journaling every time i have an intrusive thought that leads me to a spiral. i don't know necessarily if it'll help me stop having these thoughts altogether, but even if it just helps prevent me from lashing out, or gives me some perspective on what & why this is happening to me, then maybe it'll be worth it.