the father who stepped up.

wallacepolsom
he wasn't even looking at me and he found me
dirt enthusiast
AnasAbdin
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One Nice Bug Per Day
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oozey mess
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hello vonnie
occasionally subtle
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YOU ARE THE REASON


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@antlurrs
the father who stepped up.

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"having sex with your friends is basically incest" is a take of all time
this deserves to go in the takes hall of fame
Reblog if you have incestuous desires about your friends
The three types of kink are
* you have power
* you're safe
* feet
this is a shitpost but I think it's not THAT wrong. Most kink is either one of (or a combination of):
You get to play at having power over someone else. This is your dominance sorts of things, your sadisms, etc.
You get to play safely. You can play with scary things while knowing there's safewords and a dom/top who loves you.
Feet. By which I mean, there's some normal part of the human experience that your brain has for some reason fixated on. Maybe you're into red hair, or glasses, or fluffy tails.
"safety" can also present as "useful". You have some intrinsic value that cannot be taken from you (because of some sex/kink thing). The safety is from abandonment, because you're useful, despite everything. And "useful" is a bunch of kinks (none of which I'm comfortable mentioning here).
oh no, animal ears are feet
yeah. cat ears are feet!
can someone turn this into the calvin's dad dialogue
oh god, this is so obviously calvin's dad dialogue that now I'm worried that I plagiarized it without realizing it
please read this story of a man accidentally discovering his wife is the world's best Tetris player
[image description: an excerpt of text that says:
“It’s funny,” I told Flewin. “We have an old Nintendo Game Boy floating around the house, and Tetris is the only game we own. My wife will sometimes dig it out to play on airplanes and long car rides. She’s weirdly good at it. She can get 500 or 600 lines, no problem.”
What Flewin said next I will never forget.
“Oh, my!”
/end id]
TL;DR on the article
The husband was writing an article on classic video game records, was surprised to find out that holding the Tetris record is a bit of a big deal, and mentions how good his wife is at it.
The guy he’s talking to mentions that the record is 327, way lower than his wifes usual scores of 500-600.
They travel to a tournament, and she goes to do her attempt. Just after she beats 327, and is climbing higher, a judge brings up to the husband that the specific version she’s playing actually has a different record of 545.
She overhears that she needs to beat 500-something, and keeps going, setting the record at 841.
which, they later find out, is her second-best record
There was a decent but ultimately forgettable fantasy novel I read a long time ago that had a single moment that stuck with me.
The protagonist has just won the world famous sword fighting competition in the big, rich capital and is talking to his mentor, and says something about being the best swordsman in the world. The mentor frowns and tells him that no, he isn't. He is the best swordsman out of the people that could afford to show up to this tournament. There could be a mercenary way out in the mountains, patrolling a snow encrusted fort's walls that could kick his ass and there was no way to know until he was already losing to the guy.
I think about that a lot, and how for every apparently dominant competitor, there might be a fucking ronin out there somewhere capable of destroying them.
Always reblog tetris ronin lady
Also true about singers and storytellers and philosophers and theologians. You only hear about the ones that are out there.
no more sex. we ran out of sex
The community guideline violation pic is arguably more funny than whatever the original response to “check in the back” for more sex was.
Official graveyard post

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1920s gangster voice: when you stare into the boid the boid stares back
After seeing Representative Zephyr kick major legislature ass, she deserves to wield a massive mallet in the chambers.
Seeing clips of Zooey Zephyr stand up against anti-trans legislation has helped renew hope in me that there are ways we can still fight horrendous policies targeting queer people. She is an inspiration and I cannot express how much I appreciate having her fighting in the fray for our rights. Representation definitely does matter.
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AAAAAH!!! THE REAL ZOOEY ZEPHYR SAW THIS COMIC AND NOW I NEED TO BUILD A MALLET! WOOO!!!!!!
Mallet delivered. She wields it like a badass.
when horses do the big doggie stretch and go allll the way down…
Yeag
can I add to this?
absolutely you can
If I may add
And let's not forget about
being obsessed with a character is so fucking embarrassing like I'll be getting dressed in the morning like "I bet the 12th doctor would wear these socks" bitch shut the fuck up
some of you MUST be making up guys.
YOU hate JK Rowling!

Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
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"In the same way that your heart feels and your mind thinks, you, mortal beings, are the instrument by which the universe cares. If you choose to care, then the universe cares. If you don't, then it doesn't." -- Brennan Lee Mulligan, D20, Fantasy High
stop
red shouldered hawk
Apparently the bird divebombing the hawk is a gray-blue gnatcatcher, and it looks exactly as full of ire as you would expect
(Photo by Debbie Parker)
Also, Wikipedia helpfully informed me what kinds of sounds it makes
In first study of its kind, Cambridge researchers found AI toys could misread some children's emotions.
Me, plunking Stinky Bastard Man’s carrier on the counter: hi he’s here for shots and a nail trim and he’ll need to be sedated
Nurse: Are you sure? We can try-
Me: he needs to be sedated
Nurse: Well, it’ll take longer-
Me: he needs to be sedated, he will try to rip your face off
Nurse: Well we’ll try without first and we’ll let you know if we need to sedate
Me, watching her carry him away: you will need to sedate him
Nurse, coming back 10 minutes later clutching her hand: so, we will need to sedate him
Me:
A man with 3 caution stickers on his med file
Since this post blew up and people have asked for this villain’s record, here are some of Stinky Bastard Man’s more heinous crimes:
Screamed so loudly with such unbridled fury the one time he wasn’t sedated at the vet that he caused a little girl in the waiting room to burst into tears
Ripped an escape hole in the patio screen door in a single night
Snuck into the garage overnight where he managed to pull down his massive food bag from the top shelves, ripped it open and ate so much he couldn’t/wouldn’t move when we found him in the morning
Learned how to open the laundry cabinet to sleep on the clean towels
Learned how to open doors, thus allowing the dog to follow in after who then eats from the trash
Bats off anything on our windowsills that gets in the way of his sitting. Current succulent casualty count: 4
Thankfully cannot open the bedroom door due to rusty mechanisms, but managed to slip in one night when it wasn’t fully closed. Jumped down from my windowsill squarely onto my stomach, leaving me to bolt awake screaming from the blow and convinced I was under attack
Tricked me into loving him forever anyway
Ripped an escape hole
in the patio screen door
in a single night
Beep boop! I look for accidental haiku posts. Sometimes I mess up.
oh my god he’s THIS Stinky Bastard Man!!!!
the stinky bastard man, the stinky bastard myth, the stinky bastard legend
Any setting where the elves have weaker booze than the dwarves isn't committing to the bit
I mean, we're talking about people whose lifespan is Yes.
"Oh, the weak wine? That is for children. I am two thousand years old, and I daresay one sip from this highball would knock you on your ass for a week."
Look, there's this weird thing people do with high fantasy where they want elves to be immortal/extremely long-lived snooty aristocrats and also somehow incapacitated by imagining the taste of salt too hard. "Orcs and dwarves have the hardest booze" no they don't, they have work in the morning! In any of these settings, elves would pregame harder than hobbits party and everyone else has shit to do tomorrow.
The average high elf builds up the drug tolerance of a mid-70s Hollywood producer and then spends three centuries studying alchemy. While humans seek immortality, the Immortals seek the elusive "philosopher's cocaine."
Elf Fentanyl works exactly the way cops think human fentanyl does

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made you some graphics to help you remember
That's it. That's the dream. I'm almost mad that that's the dream.
That's half the dream. The other half is being fairie fucking godmother to everyone on the planet.
See, I had 100k for a hot minute. Doesn't matter why. But for nearly a calendar year, I picked up the tab every chance I got, i lavished people with gifts, I took a friend to Greece, I paid for healthcare for myself and a few other people, for lawyers to help someone get out of an abusive marriage, Christmas presents for a single mom of 3.
It felt incredible. Just to take away the worry and say, "I've got you." Instacart groceries to a grieving friend of a friend across town. Pay the unexpected car repairs. Gift a young artist a yearlong subscription to Procreate.
That's why I'll never understand billionaires. If you could fix it, if money could actually make even one life better, why would you not do it? Even just for the kick? Hell, i don't care if it feeds your ego. Be Tony Stark, be Superman, idgaf. When you'll never be able to spend all that you have, even if you some up every damn day like it was your job, if you could end world hunger six times over for the price of a social media company, why wouldn't you just DO IT?
I don't have a coherent conclusion to this, except that if I ever meet Jeff Bezos, I'll beat him to death with my bare fists.