Big of heart, Dumb of ass

every day i’m like i should reduce my screentime today i should take a little break from tumblr and then 5 minutes later it’s like weeellllll….. surely just one little image wouldn’t hurt……. 🤦‍♀️

tinder link in bio.

*tapes scissors to my dick* why won’t anyone fuck me, edward scissordick?

I love going trough the notes every time bc there’s always someone in the notes insisting we’re all mean and that you can just wear thick dish gloves over your fake nails as if I wouldn’t assume you’re going to Patrick Bateman my ass if you walked into the bedroom with claws and yellow rubber gloves

her pussy

OUTTA MY WAY IM BOUT TO GE- ouchie. Ouch. Ouchie.

Shout out to mediocre black people actually. Shout out to black people who are bad at shit. You don’t need to be the best for your life to matter.

Glados learning sign language so Chell can hear at least one of her excellent monologues and Chell just closes her eyes

I love tumblr because somehow I can end up being mutuals with a celebrity (someone that wrote a fic that I loved)

there are four human activities and they are crafting, stories, math, and fucking around. whatever you're doing is at least one of those four.

I bet it feels soooooo good to be a construction worker on a completely closed off chunk of road

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege