once you get over your ass and realise you will never get some people and thatβs ok you are basically immune to right wing fearmongering. otherkin? none of my fucking business
I must not fall victim to disgust. Disgust is the heart-killer. Disgust is the little-death that brings total apathy. I will face my disgust. I will permit it to pass over me and through me. And when it has gone past I will turn the inner eye to see its path. Where the disgust has gone there will be nothing. Only I will remain.
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blocking tip: you don't have to wait to have a negative interaction with someone to block them. you can block them without ever interacting with them. I can't tell you how many times I've seen someone being rude to someone else and preemptively blocked them
and this isn't even getting into harm that's genuinely necessary! i read a book recently that was intended to educate people in healthcare about medical trauma, written by a medical professional who found that there weren't existing resources to help her cope with the aftermath of the extremely traumatic c section that saved her life. the whole tone of the book was "i know you've never thought about this before, but walk with me through this case study" and it's aimed at other medical professionals! it's aimed at the people who are doing this harm, and so many of them think that people aren't allowed to find it harmful just because it's necessary!
so many trauma resources assume that your trauma is from a specific person or people who treated you in a way that society deems unacceptable. if your trauma doesn't fit that profile then you're left sitting there like. idk i dont think most of this stuff applies to me. where are the resources for people like me.
if you were ever scared or in pain and were told that you had to grin and bear it because it's necessary for you to do the thing that scares and hurts you, you are allowed to say that that was traumatic. you are allowed to say that you were scared and in pain and that even if this was the least bad option, even if it was lifesaving, it still was not okay. something being necessary does not inherently make it okay.
i think i still have mild trauma from a dentistry-related thing some years back, and it was completely voluntary and i wanted it, just, the experience was actually really upsetting. like, totally worth it in overall outcomes, just. wow, yeah. i do not want to ever do that again.
i have more than one thing that saved my life and traumatized me.
I'm a juvenile diabetic: relatedly, I used to be crippled by CPTSD. it turns out, infants dislike needles, and having your primary caregivers administer them daily can be bad for those relationships. I had no sense of trauma as the etiology of my issues for a while, because I couldn't find any 'abuse' in my history.
I remember talking to a psychologist: guy was like "are you absolutely sure you weren't abused as a child? I am literally a therapist, so you can tell me". when I demurred, he was like "truly? because you really really come across like you were, and I meet a lot of people with that history".
it was only after a parent mentioned that I'd go quiet and waxy during injections (tonic immobility, in retrospect) that I started to consider whether the lifesaving medical care I received had negative psychological effects.
This is a common gateway to pseudoscience. People experience trauma from receiving, or from seeing a loved one receive, lifesaving medical care and aren't able to find the space to process that it was necessary, the alternative was worse, AND it was really and truly awful. People who are afraid to go back. People who need accommodations to make necessary medical care less stressful and scary, and can't get them.
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Harvey showcased a lot of new designers throughout the year, alongside his ongoing collaborations with Christian Siriano!
His Emmys fashion journey showed this in microcosm: he slayed in Bishme Cromartie to announce the Emmy nominations, in Siriano at the Creative Arts Emmys, in Harry Halim at the Primetime Emmys, and in Cucculelli Shaheen at the post-Emmys parties.
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the place I work at remodeled these split gendered restrooms into βinclusive restroomsβ and never told us what they meant while construction was ongoing. I need you to know every atom of potential criticism or whining that couldβve happened disappeared when people found out this meant we got 10 fully separate private bathrooms with sinks inside. Iβve not heard a single person crack a joke about the inclusive signage. this is the world TERFs are trying to steal from you
alright I've got to do some quick math to explain attitudes towards AI to my boss.
we're looking to create an AI policy, and when we were talking about this, my boss (older millennial) was genuinely shocked to hear that younger people do not (seem) to view AI positively (a la the recent commencement speakers being booed)
please rb for larger sample size!
Question 1/3
What is your age, and do you feel AI is a net positive or net negative in our lives today?
I enjoy your account and writing, and the evidence that you regularly provide us with (FREE OF CHARGE, no less!) about weight science and all things medical that you answer, and I am fully aware that weight loss is, at best, a dangerous endeavour in human beings. I only say this so I can be clear about my intentions and to say that I am not participating in whataboutism or trying to pull a "gotcha!"
I am in no doubt whatsoever that exercise (movement, fitness, a rose by any other name) has tons of benefits even when weight loss is out of the equation, but I find that the conversation tends to stop there, even with medical providers, and takes on a sort of "just do it" attitude without really engaging in complexities to that advice a patient may be experiencing.
What would you suggest, in general, to a patient whose size limited their mobility or made movement difficult and possibly painful, especially if the only real goals they want to set are increasing strength (and thus ability) and independence? I realise this may be hard to answer without a more specific idea of someone's cardiometabolic state, but I'm throwing this out as a general ask. What can people in those circumstances do? Especially if they have no way to access PT or "the gym," so to speak. Are there resources for people who might have these limitations, or even just be overwhelmed with the idea of starting movement?
Babe, do I have good news for you! Sit and Be Fit exists. Useful for people with all kinds of mobility limitations. I'm also a huge fan of Tai Chi, and you can find streaming channels to move along with. Short walks are also incredibly beneficial compared to no walks--even just a brief loop around the block a couple of times a week decreases cardiac risk.
I think that additionally, programs that explicitly show easier variations of bodyweight exercises are really good. Did you know that doing a push-up is equivalent to bench pressing 75% of your body weight? That makes a really significant difference when you have a higher weight!
I know that often people can't get to the gym etc, but for higher weight people who want to start working out it may legitimately be easier to use free weights or machines than to do bodyweight exercises. Hell, even just an adjustable dumbbell kit at home can open up a lot of options.
Off the top of my head, I think the Hybrid Calisthenics guy does a great job of showing easier variations on common exercises. I've also heard good things about Couch To Barbell, which uses a decent amount of around-the-house items to build up the base strength needed to do barbell training.
it's frustrating enough when people overgeneralize trans men as only having previously experiencing misogyny, when that is just not in touch with reality, which includes a lot of trans men who do just get read and treated as women. that's true at the same time as trans men having (varying degrees of/access to) male privilege.
but anyway
I get bugged by the assertion that if a trans man comes out and transitions and does pass, the only continuing effect of misogyny on him is in trauma responses he needs to unlearn. and I'm bugged by it so much bc it's. not even feminism 101, this is the summer reading before you take feminism 101, that misogyny has material as well as subjective impacts.
I'm not a man, but to take some common examples from my own life - I'm disabled and chronically ill and was medically neglected as a child, and I have very good reasons to read this as gendered. The delay in my diabetes diagnoses as an adult, with a direct toll on my body, was gendered. Getting nudged out of math and engineering was gendered. That's the stuff I am sure of, bc it's notably difficult to impossible to prove in many individual instances that an outcome was dictated by misogyny; I don't know how much better I could have done in school, or how much healthier I might be now, but there has been a toll on my body and my capacity to hold a fucking job.
what about trans men who were coerced and abused into dropping out of school? or starting families? trans men who are disabled survivors of domestic violence or financial abuse? or trans men who did want kids, and it still means there's a gap in their education or career that affects what work they can get in the future? how do you calculate the exact lasting impact on a man of all the shit he got and didn't get because he was a girl?
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The worst person you could ever meet in your lifetime still has a favorite breakfast cereal.
I knew a rapist who was an absolute ride-or-die friend to his gamer bros. Like, give the last dollar from his pocket to a friend who got a flat tire, and then turn around and go rape a Freshman that evening.
I knew a vicious child abuser who wept like a baby when her dog died.
The nastiest human being on the planet nevertheless feels obscurely melancholy sometimes, or has high spirits when they step out doors on the first warm day of spring, or has opinions on their favorite TV show and which side the toilet paper should hang on and whether or not the room should be cold or warm when you go to sleep.
We're all still just people. Complex, with fully-realized interior worlds.
None of that will save you from becoming a monster, if you decide to do monstrous things.
None of it makes you exempt from the consequences of monstrosity.
Some may even say that the most insidious abusers and terrors are able to become that way because they possess just enough Daily Relatable Content To The Average Chump that the folks who aren't their outright targets keep thinking stuff like, "haha, ooohhh him." And he therefore stays powerful and unaccountable and able to wreak havoc for another day.
βIt was much better to imagine men in some smokey room somewhere, made mad and cynical by privilege and power, plotting over brandy. You had to cling to this sort of image, because if you didn't then you might have to face the fact that bad things happened because ordinary people, the kind who brushed the dog and told the children bed time stories, were capable of then going out and doing horrible things to other ordinary people. It was so much easier to blame it on Them. It was bleakly depressing to think that They were Us. If it was Them, then nothing was anyone's fault. If it was Us, then what did that make Me? After all, I'm one of Us. I must be. I've certainly never thought of myself as one of Them. No one ever thinks of themselves as one of Them. We're always one of Us. It's Them that do the bad things.β
β Terry Pratchett, Jingo
