Misunderstood , squidward . Send help .

i found out like this

florence welch: probably like 200 BCE celtic queen

keeanu reeves: 1500 renaissance hoe

jeff goldblum: late 1800′s i would guess

harry styles: fairly new immortal, 1970′s 

lorde: 1920′s flapper era

hozier: man who even knows, rough estimate is like, 400 BCE

john mulaney: 1930′s/40′s, still bitter about the great depression probably and if he could put it in a bit with out being #exposed he would

many of Hozier’s songs reference being buried in the earth (In a Week, Work Song), and some are directly inspired by bog bodies (Like Real People Do, Run). two of the most famous Irish bog bodies, Old Croghan Man and Clonycavan Man, are dated between 392 and 175 BCE, and both are speculated to have been kings ritually sacrificed to the goddess of the land. in Take Me to Church, Hozier demonstrates a willingness to offer sacrifices to a goddess, and in Foreigner’s God, he thinks fondly upon the image of a pre-Christian Ireland (“when the land was God-less and free”). as well, Old Croghan Man is estimated to have been about 6′6, and Hozier is about 6′5. 

the only possible flaw in this theory is that in a Facebook Q&A (here at 5:28), Hozier says that he is over 3000 years old. 400 BCE only puts him at ~2400. it could be that after so many years he’s lost track of how many thousands, but another possibility is that he is more contemporaneous with an older bog body, the Cashel Man, also presumed to be a sacrificed king. that would put him closer to 4000 than 3000, but again, we could forgive an immortal for getting his millenia wrong.

It was an interesting experience writing for a comic, trying to keep the art and the constraints of panels in mind, and also my first stab at it, but I’m pretty happy with how it all turned out. Lalou did an incredible job bringing everything to life!

• *someone says something* “what?” *repeats themselves* “sorry?” *repeats themselves again* “pardon?”

•"hey, y'see the red thing at the top of the shelf, will you get it?“ “Sorry, what?” “On the sh-” “oh yeah sure, I’ll get it.”

•*doesn’t hear teacher because someone’s pen is making a scratchy sound at the back of the room*

•*replays video 10 ten times to figure out what they’re saying*

•teachers asking, “why do you always stop writing in the middle of a sentence, just write down whatever I’m saying,” followed by the response, “I’m just processing it,” rebuked by, “we’ll stop processing it and just write.”

wanting to chime in on other people’s conversations all the time, but don’t, because you’re not suppose to be “listening” to them.

being the only person in the house that can hear that awful buzzing sound certain electronics make

hiding in your room because everything is too loud. 

motorcycles were invented by satan

being told that you have dog-like hearing by friends and family

Forgetting how to think because ambient noise is drowning out your internal monologue. 

“No, I don’t need the volume up, I’d just really like to put on subtitles. No, I don’t need to move closer, I just…”

Leaving the room whenever someone starts talking on the phone. 

Pausing your video whenever someone starts talking but trying really really hard not to seem passive aggressive about it. 

not being able to handle the little keyboard sounds as your mom types a text from across the room, but when you ask your mom (who is a quadruple texter) to put her phone on silent you get a murderous look, like you’ve asked her to kill her cat.

turning on ambient noises and trying to relax, only to end up turning it off because it’s not actually helping you fall asleep.

“the speakers are making this high pitched noise”

“what the hell are you talking about?”

“THE SPEAKERS ARE PRACTICALLY SCREAMING HOW DO YOU NOT HEAR THAT??”