Kqtman

Fuck it I’m tryna play gta again, I think maybe I just needed a long ass break

I promised to keep you safe but you didn’t tell me you where just going to treat me the way your mom treated you. You didn’t tell me I was going to feel unsafe and scared when you’re going to explode and when you’re going to get physical you burst in when both me and mom are sleeping with no regard or care for anyone else you didn’t tell me you going to be a ableist fucking dick and mock my autism after I gave you a safe place you take mine away from me. I won’t grow old like this so you need to figure out what your future looks like. Me and mom want a word with you when you’re awake to. You’ve had nearly 2 years and enough chances and your behavior has only gotten worse and all you do is blame it on us I won’t have it anymore my mother almost died and both my grandparents are dead you can either act right or you can take care of yourself somewhere else you aren’t going to kill her and you aren’t going to kill me if you have have to go back to Utah then so be it you can be happy there and kill your parents so me and mom can fucking live. Autism doesn’t = asshole. You’ve just been an asshole, that’s it.

Just treating me exactly how your mother treated you and mocking me for being autistic and having sensory issues and needing processing time and not wanting to be touched sometimes. Not going to tolerate you mocking me constantly you will not be ableist to me I accommodate everything you need until you start screaming I will get the same respect for my disabilities

I tried to be cute the other day and walk around naked in thigh highs and sleep like that but I don’t know if you noticed I just wanted to be cute for you

You could let me squeeze your pipi when you need I want to help you feel good

I’m tired of being treated like I’m not autistic because I had to learn to max and I’m “high functioning” that just makes it more invisible I struggle just as much but no one wants to give me the fucking support and helping hand I need because I look fine when everyday I just want someone to throw me a rope and rescue me from drowning and explain to me everythingI’m behind in life in like I don’t fucking know what I’m doing either I don’t know how to do any of this either but you treat me like I’m a normal person and ignore that I’m autistic too because it’s all in my head and I was forced to grow up too quick I had to mask I didn’t get to have a childhood or teenage years I had to be an adult when I was 10 and my sisters never helped me they just partied and taught me drinking games thinking that’s so fucking funny my sisters left me behind they knew I wasn’t all there they knew I was different but they watch me fail and then blame me for not being enough and living at home fuck you you’d be living at home to Melissa if Shaun didn’t fucking sweep you up and give you a life and a house and a family and take care of everything for you so you can delude yourself into thinking “you made it out” you didn’t you got lucky he pulled you out you dare look down on me when you’re the same as me you’d be right here I want to be fucking treated like I deserve everyone knows I have deficits everyone knows I’m neurodivergent and Atleast ADHD and 80% chance I’m Autistic with my sister nephew and one of my cousins are all on the spectrum but everyone TREATS ME LIKE IM A NORNAL PERSON AND IM JUST A FIALURE WHO DOESNT WANT TO TRY AND DOESNT WANT TO DO BETTER WHEN IM BREAKING MY BONES AND CLAWING MY NAILS DOWN TO THE BONE TO DO EVEEYTHING I CAN I PUT IN ALL THE ENEEGY I HAVE TO DO WHAT I DO AND ITS NEVEE FOOD EMOUGH FOR AMYONE I JUST WANT TO BE SEEN I WANT TO BE SEEN AND ACCEPTED I HAVE LIMITS AND A LIMITED CAPABLITLY MOM IS THE ONLY ONE TO EVEE REPSECT ME AND TREAT ME WITH DIGNITY AND LIKE IM A REAL PERSON WHOS ENOUGH AND TRIED ENOUGH BUT EVEEYONE ELSE MAKES ME FEEL LIKE IM WORTHLESS I WANT TO BE SEEN IM IN AUTISTIC TOO I WANT TO BE TREATED LIKE IT

I’m gunna rock and finger tap and hand flap and tap my feet and do whatever makes me feel relaxed and takes all the pressure in my body go away

Omg letting myself stim feels so freeing it’s like taking pressure off I don’t care how fucking weird or stupid or whatever I look like to normal people I don’t care I’m gunna stim and look “weird” because trying to sit still and look normal is killing me

I hope this isn’t burnout I’m trying to stick to my routine but it doesn’t feel right

I’m not tolerating shitty attitude or screaming at me, I will completely shut off and ignore you until you calm down or can have a better attitude I don’t have the energy anymore.

Just want love and someone who’s nice to me