A Man Like Him/Her

here, my friends, are a few suggested alternatives

cream of coconut

flavored lubes

sweeten condensed milk mixed with water

if you do this make sure your toy has a hose system, not a internal one that you have to squeeze the dildo itself to operate. this will make it easier to clean

and lastly as a general rule for flavored sex products

if you can eat it, it cannot go in any orifice but your mouth.

Being insecure doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Being uncomfortable with inflicting pain doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Not liking leather and chains and such doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Not liking humiliating your sub doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Being uncomfortable verbally degrading someone doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Being uncomfortable with findom doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Not wanting to be called mistress or master or miss or mommy doesn’t make you a bad domme.

Not liking chastity or pegging or body worship doesn’t make you a bad domme.

If your hips dislocate often, being on top might be better, or reverse cowgirl. I found that position in particular works for me. Thigh grinding and clit stimulation tend to be less energy than actual intercourse if you have a vagina.

If youre into any bondage and have EDS/any tissue disease please dont use duct tape its hell on earth for the skin. Try the fuzzy handcuffs or ribbons, silky fabrics can be just as much fun and less pain than sticky or rough textures

Yes being hypersexual is normal if you have chronic pain or chronic fatigue as its normal human response to get out of pain and into pleasure, it alsp can push an adrenaline rush and give sudden energy.

Yes being sex repulsed is natural if you have chronic pain/fatigue because sex can be exhausting, and more painful. And even if it feels good, it can be really bad afterwards going from pleasure to pain.

Dislocation or pulled muscles are common, heat or a bath afterwards can be really helpful.

Dont forget to pee after sex its like ten times as likely for people with low immune systems to get utis than healthy people.

If youre into anal and are likely to have prolapses please be super careful and start training yourself beforehand, and be slow about it.

If your skin is stretchy or tears easily please because during intercourse and especially nipple play.

If you have devices/tubes on you/in you be sure not to put a whole lot of pressure on them. Stop if somethibg doesnt feel right. If you do bondage make sure your tube doesnt get tied up with you.

Being sex repulsed and hypersexual us really normal especially if youre on medications.

Yes, anti depressants, painkillers and especially anti psychotics can make it nearly impossible to orgasm. Dont feel guilty about it, its just how it is. Lots of foreplay and edging can help but for many it takes getting off the med to get your sex life back/achieve orgasm.

Back spasms can and will happen! For regardless of sex/gender, if you orgasm, your muscles get tight and excited and it can cause spasms in the legs and especially your back! Be careful.

If you have a vagina and have any tissue disease, its usually easily to tear tissue in both the anus and the vagina, make sure you are lube up as much as possible before any insertion. And if tearing still happens make a note of it and talk to your doctor if it doesnt heal.

If you bruise easily, youll get hickeys easily, and if you heal slow those motherfuckers do too.

Its fun when youre flexible, but make sure youre not hyper extending during sex, because that could make you extra likely to have a dislocation.

Yes, jaw dislocations while sucking dick are super common, lock jaw and jaw weakness are too. Dont be ashamed to stop. Its a lot of energy and a lot of work and movement your neck/jaw might not be used to. Ice packs work best after a long day of suckin dick.

Premature ejaculation is also common for a lot of spoonies (especially spoonies with penises) due to the sudden rush of adrenaline/pleassure and extreme sensitivity. Dont be ashamed!

Yes, your meds can make it hard to.maintain na erection, talk to your doctor about what to do, but dont be ashamed, its super common especially on anti depressants.

Its common for people with chronic illnesses to have a hard time staying wet/maintaining an erection during sex as youre basically battling both fatigue and pain, try foreplay and other things outside of penetration before going straight for intercourse.

No ones gonna tell you this but people with inflammatory dieases, your vagina will inflame during penetration, it may hurt, you may not feel it, thats why you should start slow.

If you have unique allergies please please for the love of god make sure you dont have a latex allergy or an allergy ro certain lubricates, condoms can be the worst for those of us with bad immune systems/unique allergies.

Be prepared for wrist and shoulder dislocations during handjobs/fingering.

Theyre not gonna yell you this but fingering and handjob can advance your arthritis/give you early arthritis. Please take breaks when you feel pain.

Use bondage tape, for the love of god, it will save your skin. It’s not too expensive and it only sticks to itself, it doesn’t pull at your skin when its removed (it even works with hair!)

If you’re giving a handjob and you feel your wrist subluxing or dislocating, switch it to blowjob instead. Same goes for the other way round too and it makes things more interesting.

If you’re taking part in hitting or spanking, then stay away from joint areas, lower organs, and places with prominent bone. Avoid the jaw as much as possible.

Speaking of jaws, it’s okay to take breaks from wearing mouth or ball gags, if you feel like it’s going to dislocate or its painful in a bad way then get another gag with a smaller sized ball instead.

I’m telling you right now. If you have sensitive skin you can not put “just any kind” of lube on your parts. 😭 

Does anyone have any tips and suggestions for people with fibromyalgia whose bones, muscles, joints, and nerves throughout their body hurt them like all the time 😭. But also who kinda likes pain 😭.

Gonna use my own experiences for sleeping and say putting a pillow underneath your stomach, back, when you’re on your side. Hard surfaces are not fun they make you hurty more ☹️. Putting pillows underneath your knees when you’re giving head helps a ton, or doing any floor play. If you do end up on the floor or a hard surface spread out a blanket and or comforter to give your body some cushion.

For someone whose shoulders and wrists dislocates be careful if you’re in doggy and your partner wants to and tries to put your arms behind your back. Or if you’re in any position where your part partners tries to extend your arms or wants to lock your wrists. I’ve also noticed my shoulders get more dislocatey and limp if I’m laying on my side ☹️.

Also also also. Being a spoonie and chronically ill means sometimes you’ll forget that you can’t do certain things without causing further harm to yourself. while you’re doing the certain things that cause harm 😭. Especially when you’re in a real lusty kinda mood.

for someone with fibromyalgia I get brain fog so do be careful when setting boundaries with your partners. Your well-being has to kinda be in someone else’s hand. That they’re just going to have study your body language and advocate for you. Bc you can become a literal ghost and dissociate hard 🙃.

Also, haven’t seen anyone talk about hydration. We’re more likely to be fatigued and cramp than most able bodied people. Before, during, and after. Keep Pedialyte handy. And other electrolyte replacements. Water probably won’t be enough.

As a spoonie I’ve noticed that my body basically picks and chooses what I have stamina for especially depending on the day ☹️. And sometimes it picks and chooses what’s going to hurt me today 🙃.

If you present the dildo to him and say “you first” and he says “eeeeh, I don’t really want to?” you can say “Okay, that’s fine, I won’t force you, but I don’t really want to, either.  So don’t I deserve the same respect I’m giving you by not pressuring you into it?”

If he argues or says “it’s different” or makes excuses?  DUMP HIM.  he is not safe and you should move on.