Incidentally It's Nonsense

The best way to honor Dolly Parton is to promote education and literacy, especially for the economically disadvantaged. Rest in peace, queen.

It really is a mystery. Life in the Soviet Union was paradise for Jews! Every day was like a holiday! They were housed like it was Sukkot, clothed like it was Purim, and they ate like it was Yom Kippur!

person who demonized Hillary Clinton, Joe Biden, and Kamala Harris and vowed not to vote for them while they were running against Trump: if only Ruth Bader Ginsberg had retired in 2014 we wouldn’t be in this mess

i find it funny how tumblr always puts this title line in new text posts like what do they expect people are formatting their shitposts like emails. header line "my awesome tumblr post" body text "to whom it may concern, jerks my peanits so switftly i tie the tool assisted speedrun. warm regards, the swift peanits jerker"

adulthood is really like "guess what your sewer isn't working" and you're like oh why is that mister plumber and he's like "oh that's because they used to use paper for pipes" and you're like hmm i don't know a lot about it but that doesn't seem right, but it is right, they did use paper for pipes, and you're like how much is it to fix paper pipes mister plumber? and he's like "oh just $10,000 and one day and we'll dig three holes" and you're like okay mister plumber i guess what must be done must be done but then it will be a week later and there will be five holes and they will be telling you "oh actually we need to dig an additional hole in your driveway" and you're like oh but that's where my driveway is and they're like "oh yes we'll need to cut through the driveway" and you're like okay this doesn't seem right mister plumber and they're like actually it's mister gas company and mister gas company is standing there and he's like yep you gotta cut the driveway out because the pipe is six inches from the other pipe and you're like i don't think so i think that's like 8 inches and he's like nope it's six and you're like how many inches is the minimum distance and he's like six and you're like okay and it's been five days it's been five days and you don't have a driveway and you don't have toilets and you're paying $15000 because someone said "yes i think making sewer pipes out of paper sounds good" and then you'll be driving down the road to get yourself depression ice cream because you don't have a driveway and you don't have toilets and the car in front of you will be driven by a man 300 years old in the smallest honda the 80s ever produced going approximately .0001 miles per hour and the F150 pavement princess behind you will not see the small honda and will start honking at you and cursing at you and you will simply roll to a stop. you will roll to a stop in the middle of the street and watch the little honda in front of you roll on to glory at .0001 miles an hour while the truck behind you realizes they have made some sort of defcon 1 level mistake and your fitbit on your arm starts buzzing going "CONGRATS! THIS IS YOUR MOST EXTREME WORK OUT YET! YOU'RE EARNING DOUBLE ZONE MINUTES!"

”What you hate don’t do to your neighbor” is great but did you then go study? You know still have to go and study right??

My liege im sorry to break it to you but your advisor that's actually evil and wants you dead turned out to be straight. I know you really wanted to have an enemies to lovers situation with him. Yeah I'm afraid the poisoning didn't hold any romantic intent behind it. The king of the enemy kingdom is bisexual though, I could send him a letter? Yes, I'll make sure to include multiple threats of homoerotic nature. You will have your toxic yaoi, my liege

I'm usually very pro don't-remake-old-movies but I would very much watch a Cujo remake where instead of a drunk redneck with a St. Bernard it should be a crunchy upper middle class antivaxx family with a merle St. Bernadoodle.

She was an American in a fanfic written by someone British; I was a Brit in a fanfic written by someone American. She came to me and said "will you help me with my maths? I need to get a good grade to stay on the American football team"; I told her "I'll bloody well help you parse math".