it's for science; what's your age and do u know how to burn CDs?

not to be dramatic or anything but if someone called me darling I think I'd actually collapse on the spot

my tinder bio

this is even more pathetic than sending yourself a secret valentine and being like “it’s from my gf, she goes to a different school!” 

oh this is my goldfish his name is wet little bitch

beauty is fake bc when you love someone all their features blend together and to you they look like this: ❣️❤️❣️❤️❣️

searching for that fine line between “i need to stay informed” and “i can’t take any more of this.”

Zoned out for twenty min thinking about how I’d explain fortnite to an ancient Roman

....well? don't leave us hanging 👀

I’d open with its a painting but it moves. (It’s enchanted to move?) Uh, sure. (Witchcraft!) I am stoned. Let’s try again. I’d open with its many paintings put together in succession so it has the appearance of movement. Demonstrate by drawing a simple page flip animation of a fish swimming in the margin of a book. Okay. So this buff cat. You see the cat’s head on the muscular man’s body? (Is this an Egyptian god?) Uh, no. It’s just like, we don’t have that shit anymore. I mean, so much time has passed, its pretty much fallen out of the cultural milieu here. (Existential crisis. I get him some tea. He spits it out cuz he thinks it’s disgusting.) ok buddy. So. You good to keep going? Okay so. It’s many paintings in quick succession so it appears to move, and you control its movement. Not the whole painting. Just the cat. He moves around on this landscape. The point of controlling the cat’s movement is like the point of a war game. Loosely. (So you practice war? Sharp nod. War.) Uh, okay. So then, when you get your little man to kill someone, that’s good, right. (What is he doing now?) Oh he’s dancing. You can make him do a little dance after he kills someone. (It’s inappropriate to do a little dance after you take a man’s life.) Okay but it’s not actually — (it’s INNAPROPRIATE. I spit on this). He spits at my laptop.