Cooking Daddy

@staff you need to reinstate osha-official

This is the only way to get straight guys to wash

Among the finest feelings on this bastard of a planet is when some tinpot tyrant pushes you just far enough that you snap and bite them back, and they’re suddenly just a little birthday boy who didn’t realize their turdpushing behavior had consequences as it dawns on them that they just fucked up.

That punchline hit me like a sack of wet mice

Like a sack of what

actually my favorite ship dynamic is "i could kill you" and "i would let you"

especially when it's mutual... we could destroy each other but we would rather cut off our own hands than raise them against each other. our love is self destructive but not because we are bad for each other but because we want so badly to be good for each other that we would die for it.

Mission Accomplished, We Got Him.

Let! That! Baby! Eat!!!!!!

I love when machinery gets really hot and starts smelling bad and destroying itself it's almost sexual. I didn't mean that

I think my favorite jokes are the ones that weren’t even all that funny until I was an adult, and now they’re fucking hilarious. I’m not even talking about the dirty jokes. I’m talking about in Finding Nemo where the sharks are having fucking AA for fish eating. Remember that shit? “I am a nice shark, not a mindless eating machine. If I am to change this image, I must first change myself.” Who ever thought of that? That was brilliant. Or what about that time in Shrek 2 where Shrek and Donkey infiltrate the castle pretending to be union workers? Little me didn’t give a shit about unions but big me is remembering Shrek going “It’s okay buddy, we’re from the union” and the desk worker secretively “we don’t even have dental,” and Shrek just shakes his head and looks at Donkey like he can’t believe this shit and goes, “They don’t even have dental.” What the fuck. I’m dying of laughter. Who comes up with this shit.

Dirty jokes have their place but I kind of wish more “adult” jokes relied on “Things only adults would understand due to lack of life experience,” instead of “Things that are inappropriate for kids,”