insincerely yours

title: i have no clue release date: june 3rd, 2019 proceeds donated to charity: 5% charity: “...children.” - rachel bloom (no jk i’m figuring out the exact one but... one that has to do with burn victims idk)

“ i’m rather torn, actually. i could dig a mote, but i’d need a crocodile. i could begin darkwood’s very own pet cemetery, ” spelled, of course, as ‘sematary.’ “ however, that would require finding a native burial ground -- i haven’t a clue where those are. i could bury a time capsule, but that’s pretty dull... ” he would bury the shovel if he wouldn’t need another shovel to cover it up. “ i believe i’ll dig a hole and bury the abomination that is britney jean. ”

CYRELLE: one direction boy available, free to a good home.

CYRELLE: or any home. just get it out of mine.

nik: I'll offer a trade:

…

She stared at his hand for a moment before she reached out to take it in hers, shaking it once. She’d always been a bit strange when it came to social interactions, likely the main reason she only had three friends her entire life. She was too shy, too awkward, too quiet, too cautious, too much, too little. “You’re the first Nicholas I’ve met,” she responded, a small genuine smile on her lips. “So why the choice in chocolate? Sweets are supposed to be sweet, you know.”

.

nik couldn’t say he didn’t take notice of the awkward shake that brooklyn offered him, but, hey -- at least she knew how to shake hands. get a girl who can do it all so you can mentally continue to justify your amoral deeds. “ really ? ” he asked, genuinely curious as to how she’d never met another nick/nich/nicholas in her life. nick jonas... “ i hope i’ve set the bar high. ” although its delivery may have implied a joke, nik was every shade of serious he could be. “ well, dark chocolate’s good for the heart and mind, ” ( at least for humans -- dogs wouldn’t be so lucky ), “ and it makes for a better treat than tuna. i suppose the taste is acquired, but it’s not like licorice is sweet and it’s still considered a candy. ”

nik had never learned how to bake. it wasn’t a trade his father knew, nor one his mother knew, but he could follow directions on the back of a cake box. and his secondary school career proved him to be a very successful cheater ( ...in academia -- his university years proved him to be a very successful cheater in the love department ). now, he had never met his partner before ( whether that was a matter of simply not remembering another person or the timeline bringing someone else in, he wasn’t sure -- but that didn’t matter now ), but he was confident in his own strategy... which was to just fuck everyone else over until theirs was, by default, the best.

when he found this ‘honey,’ he extended a hand with a grin, “ nik marcus. ” did she know ? who knew ! “ full disclosure: i don’t know how to bake, but i do know how to cheat, ” he whispered, sussing her out for her reaction to his lesser idea...

“You’re welcome,” she replied, monotone; it wasn’t like she was complimenting him or what he’d done, just offering her honest opinion. She, of course, didn’t understand it herself, being so passionate about something — she’d never been talented; artistic, she was the only one in her family that hadn’t dared to create. But she knew this: because she didn’t understand it didn’t make it any less important to him. Maybe people didn’t understand her and David, that didn’t make their relationship any less real. “Brooklyn. I’m Brooklyn, but for what it’s worth, I don’t care if you use it. It’s a fairly common name.”

.

even if her ‘you’re welcome’ wasn’t necessarily the most emphatic, someone was finally on his side about the film ! if even just a little bit, she saw the absolute ridiculousness of everyone’s offense ! oh, what a time to be alive. what a person to finally know. “ nice to meet you, brooklyn, ” he replied, extending a hand and trying his best to contain his utter excitement. “ nicholas is a fairly common name. i actually believe you’re the first brooklyn i’ve met. ” and she’d left quite an impression !

He was being… kind. Whether out of pity, guilt or just because he truly meant it, that was the side of him Fawna had fallen for. Everyone else saw Nik’s ego, whatever walls it was he put up, but she’d known him. Behind closed doors, with no one else around, when neither of them had reputations to uphold, she’d known him. He wasn’t bad through and through – even after what he’d done, it had been a stupid and cruel mistake, but he wasn’t a bad person. She could believe now that he hadn’t done it to hurt her. He probably hadn’t considered that it would hurt her at all, and while that stung, she also realized it was his personal issue. There was nothing she could have done to make him love her unconditionally. So long she had spent wondering why she deserved it, why she had tried so hard and hadn’t been enough, now all that bitterness had evaporated, taking the weight of what he’d done with it. 

“Nik, can you imagine?” She couldn’t help but laugh, not in a teasing way, just a chuckle at the absurdness of his statement. It was all she had wanted at one point. She had herself convinced they’d build a life together. Hard as she tried, she couldn’t imagine what that would’ve looked like. If he’d never cheated, if she’d forgiven him and they’d moved on when he did, would she be his red carpet arm candy? A trophy wife? Would they have grown and matured and became good for each other, or would she still be the Fawna that was stuck in her own box? “You know what,” she decided, “I’ll take it.” Why not? If she couldn’t save her relationship with Dawson, it wasn’t like she would be falling in love with anyone else.

She lifted her eyebrows, a little too curious. She couldn’t help it — she’d kept up with many celebrities when she was younger, put posters in her room and stared at magazines, dreaming of their glamorous lives and the way they must act when the cameras were pointed elsewhere. While she’d long ago outgrown that, a part of it must have remained. “I kind’a want you to spill the tea so I’m validated.”

.

although nik knew he never would be able to love fawna as much as dawson, that he never could be able to love her as much as dawson, it didn’t stop his mind from wandering -- what would life be like if he could ? if he could love as deeply as he was meant to, and if he had never been so selfish -- so careless ? where would they be ? if there was such a thing as soulmates, a concept nik didn’t ruminate on often ( but now was ), he was not hers. not from what he’d heard, at least. the way she lit up, the happiness she described, the lovely bride-to-be -- she was meant to be with dawson, no matter what life they led. but what if they weren’t ? what if they weren’t, what if he could love to that deep degree, and what if he hadn’t blown it somewhere out there ? what a lovely concept. he still hadn’t a clue where they’d be, but at least they wouldn’t have spent so many years separated, no longer speaking, forgiveness and sorrow coursing... but never expressed. 

“ i believe i’m inclined to ask you your preferred ring shape now. i’ve always been partial to round and square, so if you have any protests, now’s the time to air them, ” he joked, immediately considering buying a ring pop at some point and fake proposing they get married in thirty years if they’re both single with no hope of love... but would that be taking it too far ? she would probably get it -- he had to assume she’d get it, but damn... if there were any onlookers in 2014, especially any who didn’t know about the alternate timeline... how odd. he put a hand to his heart as she confirmed that she’d take it and replied, with all the ( mostly feigned ) enthusiasm he could muster, “ you’ve made me the luckiest man in the world. ”

he lifted an eyebrow when she expressed interest in his celebrity anecdotes. he typically name-dropped like anvils, but in darkwood, he assumed that was the last thing people wanted to hear him do... and yet... “ alright, alright. i’d ask you to sign an nda first, but i’ve signed them before and i’ll go ahead and tell you that all the conspiracy theories are true: keanu reeves is immortal. ”

@alrightnik​

in  one  sense  ash  was  totally  aware  of  herself  and  in  another  (  much  like  in  this  situation  )…  it  was  quite  the  opposite.  never  one  to  let  sleeping  dogs  lay  in  the  literal  sense,  she  had  decided  it  was  the  perfect  bright  and  sunny  morning  to  pay  nik  a  visit.  it  surely  would  have  been  better  had  it  still  been  pitch  black  and  in  the  middle  of  a  bizarre  radio  silence  blackout  affecting  only  their  town  but  that  morning  when  she  had  jollily  invited  herself  in  with  the  help  from  the  woman  that  had  answered  the  door,  all  had  been  quite  well.  everyone  in  town  knew  each  other,  it  would  only  be  rude  not  to  invite  someone  who’s  shop  had  been  burned  down  so  recently.  at  last,  being  a  poor  mistreated  soul  was  a  useful  trait  !  she  hadn’t  seen  reggie  in  a  while  actually…

moving  on,  now  she  was  thinking  about  the  fascinating  (  not  )  human  being  that  was  nik,  prompted  by  the  audacity  of  his  text.  she  didn’t  spend  much  time  thinking  about  other  people’s  thoughts  and  feelings,  especially  considering  she  thought  of  them  all  as  less  than  evolved  most  of  the  time  but  entertainment  was  hard  to  come  by  these  days.  boots  on  the  coffee  table,  arm  over  the  back  of  the  couch  as  if  she  had  lived  there  her  entire  life,  was  unpeeling  a  banana  that  had  been  ripening  on  the  kitchen  island  by  the  time  she  heard  the  summoning  and  footsteps  of  the  man  approaching  to  find  her  sitting  there  quite  nonchalant  as  if  it  was  not  out  of  the  ordinary  at  all,  “hey,”  the  word  is  spoken  with  a  smirk  as  she  takes  a  bite  out  of  the  top,  her  gaze  unwavering.  

.

with each doorbell ring as the days went on, nik grew more and more attentive. was it someone who was supposed to be there ? was it an officer ? was it his mother’s friend who was arguably finer than even cyrelle’s mom ? these were the important questions that whirled through his mind every time that bell rang. but this time, shockingly, he was called upon. he, himself, had received a message ( because who could be bothered to speak any longer ? or simply call up two flights of stairs ? ) from his mother that she ‘believed one of his friends’ was there.

as he approached the kitchen, he wondered... who could it be ? only two people really didn’t seem to have a problem with him -- fawna and this brooklyn. and he suspected it was neither ( for his mother certainly would’ve addressed the former by her name and the latter... had no reason to be there ? ). so, as ash’s face came into view, he began to offer her a slow clap. “ well done. perhaps it’s no text, but it is interesting, ” he said, recalling the exact words of his last message to her. “ i assume you played the holy cannoli card. ”

…

“I assume the critics are unbiased,” she hummed, thinking over the stated comparison. Critics would only see a movie, characters they weren’t attached to yet. It wouldn’t be that way for everyone. “And? What if it was ‘about’?” Finally holding the bag of chocolate out, she shrugged a shoulder, about to give her bluntest opinion — not that he’d asked for it, not that anyone ever did, that wouldn’t stop her. “No one has a right to dictate how you tell your version of the story, or even themselves. I’m not going to be offended if someone writes a script and I’m portrayed as a raging bitch in it. Maybe that’s what they see, Hell, maybe that’s what I am.” 

.

nik was shaken by her words, absolutely taken aback ! if he had less restraint, he would’ve all but scooped her -- a woman he knew only in passing -- into a bear hug. “ thank you ! ” he exclaimed, vanna white’ing his arms ( though presenting nothing but an exasperated gratitude ) before taking the chocolate from her. “ see, and even if it mattered, no one is even named ! i didn’t name a character george, i wouldn’t name a character... ” he paused, swept up in the moment ( and overall thrill of someone understanding it ! ) and ready to say her name... before realizing he didn’t know it ! “ say, what’s your name again ? ”

…

Would’ve been. That hurt. She knew he was right — it wasn’t happening now, or if it was, it wouldn’t be this April. There were seven years she had to live through before she could say her vows, if everything even turned out he way it was supposed to. “Thank you. I… don’t know what I’ll do if I don’t.” It was an alternate reality she was trying desperately not to think about. There was always a chance she wouldn’t make it to 2021, but beyond that, if she did… if she went to New York and Dawson wasn’t there… what would she do then? What could she do then? Hopefully nothing that happened in Darkwood could alter his reality, but there was a chance people there remembered to, and messing with the past could tweak the future beyond repair. She assumed. It just made sense. “No more worrying about him stealing the cover,” she tried to joke, but her voice crack was enough to give away how she really felt about the whole situation.

It seemed strange seeing him here, like this, having this conversation. He looked the same as the young man she knew, the Nik that her mind had always painted out to be someone different. She wasn’t blind to his flaws, but he had always been such a good boyfriend. Sweet, thoughtful, generous. Maybe it was lack of experience, past heartbreak taking any small moment and running with it only to hurt her, or maybe she remembered correctly, but she hadn’t taken him for the kind of guy that would do anything to hurt her. “He always seemed like a self entitled dick,” she blurted out before she could catch herself, her lips tugging into a now sheepish smile, “but I’m not supposed to be judging people like that. Don’t tell my therapist.” Her therapist… whom she had technically never spoken to in this timeline, who most likely didn’t remember their sessions that hadn’t happened or Fawna’s existence at all.

.

nik knew fawna. as well as he could know a person, nik knew fawna -- or at least a version of her. although he was only now meeting her in her evolved state, a woman who seemed even better than she’d once been ( which was saying a lot -- not to mention, there in the back of his mind, he knew he was somehow seeming even worse )... he still felt he knew her. better than he knew any other darkwood resident these days, at least. and it was for that reason that he could actually feel his heart sink ( although admittedly not as far as it should have ) for someone else. “ i’ll tell you what you’ll do: you’ll figure something out. you always do. ” all the confidence in his body was placed on that simple sentiment. and there was a lot. his lips proceeded to turn upward and he half-joked, “ and i’m up for a pact: if we’re both still spinsters by fifty -- and if i’m not loathed by all of darkwood -- we would always just marry each other. ” never had he thought of or longed to marry before, but... that’s why it was a half-joke, right ?

he let out a laugh at fawna’s assessment of tom cruise. he was ! maybe even more self-entitled than 2021 nik himself ! and that was saying so much ! “ is it really judgment if it’s true ? ” he asked, raising his eyebrows. oh, he would love to tell fawna about all of the celebrities he’d rubbed elbows with ! it would make for an entertaining conversation, that was for sure. but god knows that was the last thing people wanted to hear from nik marcus.  “ nevertheless, my lips are sealed, ” he added, dragging an imaginary zipper across them.