C'est Tout Bien

No one knows anything about the would-be reboot. If Keanu Reeves was in it, would it even be a remake or a sequel? Are they making Star Wars-like prequels? Remember that the Matrix trilogy was supposed to take place during just one iteration of the Matrix. Neo was never “The One” – he was just “That One.” This could be a story before Neo, or maybe long after, or maybe it’s the same thing told again, because remakes work. Not only do they make money, but they can also be good. Go watch Cronenberg’s The Fly. Or The Thing. The Departed. Scarface. True Grit. Cape Fear. Dracula. A Fistful Of Dollars. There’s a super long list of remakes that didn’t turn into soul-crushing Ninja Turtle franchises.

There are plenty of reasons to remake The Matrix based solely on the potential of the first film. It was super good. The sequels were super colon-twisters. So it wouldn’t hurt to go back to that universe and maybe try not sucking. Also, The Matrix has not aged well. The effects are great and the story is great, but there are a couple of hiccups in the ol’ presentation that could use some window dressing. First of all, that red pill issue. The Red Pill has been co-opted by the men’s rights movement as a representation of finally seeing the gynocracy of terrible feminism oppressing dudes who never skip leg day and just want to squeeze boobs without the hassle of acknowledging the personality attached, dammit! Or some shit, I don’t care. Point is, it has a whole lot of baggage these days. So a new Matrix would need to give us a cool new metaphor that distances itself from that. I suggest using kitties and puppies. Choose the kitty and return to your virtual world. Choose the puppy and live.

Adjustable Thigh Harness

Me: Alright, I have created a template of what the home page of the site will look like. Let me know if this is the feel you’re going for and I can expand it from there. 

Client: Looks great! Please finish the website and wrap this up by the end of today!

Me: Err…I just started work on this yesterday. Creating an entire site requires a lot more time that that. Not to mention, you still haven’t sent me any content.

Client: Well, I’ve been told you are a hard-working student, so hearing this from you is disappointing. In the future, please wrap up your projects before the weekend. 

Me: …OK. Would you be able to send me the website content so I can finish?

Client: I will e-mail you the information in a week or two.