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One Nice Bug Per Day
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let's talk about Bridgerton tea, my ask is open
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hello vonnie
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@alotoffandomtrash
Alfred: Why are there small handprints on the wall!?
Bruce, whispering to Dick: Why are there small handprints on the wall?
9-years-old Dick, whispering back: Because my hands are small.
Bruce, smiling to Alfred: Because his hands are small.
[Later that day]
Alfred: *puts an empty frame around Dick's small and colorful handprints on the wall that says "small art" at the bottom of the frame* Now that's better.
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Batman: you think your life is hard?
Batman: my children went to Walmart in full gear, just so they did not have to wait in line.
Batman: now everyone is questioning why nightwing was buying groceries,
Batman: why robin was sitting in the cart and playing cheese Vikings on his gauntlet,
Batman: why red hood and red robin were chasing each other around,
Batman: why spoiler was eating frozen waffles
Batman: why black bat just calmly followed them,
Batman: why signal was pretending not to know them,
Batman: and why catwoman was monitoring them while even helping them with getting groceries.
Green arrow: I mean.. they are kinda on to something there.. waiting in line sucks.
Batman: donāt you dare encourage them.
Knock-Knock
Bruce [sitting hunched over with the darkest of bags under his eyes]: I've called all of you here today because of the video that appeared on my social media this afternoon and has 'gone viral'.
His kids: *gathered in a seated circle on the ground like a kindergarten reading group*
Bruce [visibly upset]: I'm not upset. I just want to know who made it.
Harper [leaning over to whisper]: What's he on about, now?
Duke [whispering back]: Someone stitched together a couple hundred clips of everybody--
Jason [also whispering]: --getting the living s**t beaten out of them, crashing into windows and lampposts, falling off buildings--
Dick [in a slightly louder tone]: --getting chased by angry dogs, faceplanting on the pavement, totally biffing it against street signs, being hit by cars--
Damian: --or buses. Or taxis. Being pepper-sprayed or maced--
Steph: --or that one clip of Tim getting smacked in the face with an old lady's handbag on a loop. Which, for the record, is a *nice* touch.
Tim [rubbing his face with a grimace]: She had a brick in there. Like a friggin' sadist.
Jason [smiling fondly]: Ah, good old Mildred.
Duke [to Harper]: --And they put the whole thing to the 'It's The Hard Knock Life' song from Annie.
Duke: And...posted it to Bruce's personal accounts.
Harper: Oh s**t.
Bruce [raising his voice]: The POINT, everyone, is that we've become the laughingstock of the internet, and much more importantly, it would appear that one of you takes some sort of issue with me that needs to be addressed.
The Kids:
The Kids:
The Kids: *burst into violent laughter*
Bruce [frowning]: Oracle? Can you trace the video's origin?
Barbara [chuckling, and wiping away a stray tear of laughter]: Ah, well, you know what they say, Bruce. Snitches get stitches, and you don't pay me near enough to cover *that* hospital bill!
Bruce: I don't pay you at all.
The Kids: *dying in the background*
Bruce [impatient]: I'm dead serious. Which one of you is responsible?
The Kids: *hands going up one by one*
Dick: Assembly!
Tim: Editing!
Damian: Audio mixing.
Jason: Shooting!
Duke: He means filming! Which I also did.
Steph: Lighting effects and song choice! You're so welcome!
Cass: Emotional support.
Harper [laughing at her phone screen]: Retweeting! Holy S**T, guys!
Bruce [aghast]: ALL of you?
The Kids: *grinning*
Alfred: Not me, sir.
Bruce: I know, Alfred. You'd never--
Alfred: I was far too busy sending it to all of your friends in the Justice League.
Bruce:
The Kids [losing their s**t]: OOOOOHHHHHHHHHHH
Bruce:
Alfred: Always happy to be of service, sir.
Dick: āYeah, but we expect this kind of stuff from Jason. Not you. Youāre the good one.ā
Tim: āWhat? How am I the good one?ā
Dick: āWell, itās definitely not me.ā
Damian: āWhat?ā
Tim: āHow is it not you?ā
Jason: āAll I know is that Iām the bad one.ā
Damian: āNo, Iām the bad one. Wait, do you mean bad kid or bad Robin? Thereās a difference.ā
Jason: āWhatās that?ā
Damian: āWell, Iām obviously the bad Robin. I killed people.ā
Jason: āSo have I, youāre not special.ā
Damian: āBut Iām the only Robin who killed someone while wearing the suit.ā
Dick: *side-eyes Jason*
Jason: *looks directly at the wall, whistling innocently*
Tim: āAre we missing something here?ā
Dick, completely ignoring him: āAnyway, thatās not the point of this. Tim is the good kid.ā
Tim: āHow?ā
Dick: āYouāre the only one of us who hasnāt killed someone.ā
Damian: *stares at him*
Jason: *stares at him*
Dick: *looks anywhere but at his brothers*
Damian: ā...Wait a second, when did youāā
Jason: āWho the fuck did you kill?ā
Dick: *looks at Tim*
Tim: *shrugs*
Dick: āYou, uh... you might want to sit down, Jayāā
Bats IRL
Iāve seen a few ArtBreeder edits floating around, and thought to myself āwell, heck, self, why donāt we take a stab at it?ā
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I really want to read more fanfics that explore Slade and Dickās friendship. I canāt find any. HELP.
[Family Meeting]
Bruce: I'd like to adress the sudden rise in animosity the villains have shown towards Robin.
Jason, just back from a mission: [leaned back in his chair with his arms crossed] more than usual you mean?
Tim: A lot more.
Dick: Dami has recently decided to forget what the villains are called.
Jason: I- wait what?
Damian: [imperiously] I simply decided that memorising the names of criminals was an ineffective use of my cognitive faculties. Better I recall their behavioural patterns.
Jason: What exactly did you do?
-
Riddler: [appears dramatically in a puff of smoke] Well well, if it isn't the little bird?
Robin: [coldly] Question man.
Riddler:
Riddler: It's "the Riddler"
Robin: Who cares?
Riddler: [sputtering]
-
Robin: [drops down from the ceiling to interrupt a meeting between Penguin and his people]
Penguin: Great. It's the boy annoyance.
Robin: [cordially] Birdman.
Penguin: I beg your pardon?!
Robin: [without inflection] My apologies. I have come to arrest you, Mister Mumble.
Penguin: Out of all the movies you could have insulted me with-
-
Poison Ivy: Oh my, looks like a little birdie has come for a visit.
Harley Quinn: [grinning] Nice of you to drop in tweety
Robin: [nods to Ivy] Daisy. [to Harley] Miss Mime
Ivy: what
Harley: [cracks her knuckles]
-
Robin: [throws a batarang at clayface]
Clayface: great. a mosquito.
Robin: ...[with distaste] There is no need for insults, Mudpie.
Clayface: ...
-
Robin: [calling in an arrest] Yes, I have apprehended Toto.
Scarecrow: [tied up nearby] Hey!
-
Joker: [Sees Robin swinging down in the middle of a hostage situation] Oh look! it's the cavalary...'s pet.
Robin: [cordially] Mr Quinzel.
Joker:
Joker: Wh-
Robin: You are Harley's husband correct?
Joker: [furious] no!
Robin: My apologies then. I shall endeavor to use your proper name... ... [frowning] Mrs? You are wearing make-up. Is that it? Mrs Quinzel? I did not mean to assume.
Joker: [frothing at the mouth]
-
[back at the meeting]
Tim: to be fair he only does it when they misname HIM.
Damian: I have a name. It is rude not to use it.
Bruce: Damian. There has been seven attempts on your life this week alone. Stop.
Damian: no
Bruce: [grinds his teeth]
Dick: Actually, what ARE Joker's preferred pronouns? Has anyone asked?
Jason: [munching down a power bar] It's Fuckface McKidkiller
his little angel
Name-Drop
Damian: Absolutely not.
Steph: Pleeeeeeaaaaasssseeee???
Damian: No.
Jason: Name your price. Anything you want. You want someone dead? Consider it done. Need to flee the country for putting out an illegal hit? Say the word.
Damian: .....no.
Jason: Eh, you hesitated...
Damian: No.
Tim: I'll do your homework for a year. I'll chauffer you around wherever you want for a month. I'll be your personal chef--
Steph [through her teeth]: D**n it Tim, we're trying to SELL it.
Damian: Tempting as burnt Ramen sounds, Drake, my answer is still no.
Dick [begging on his knees]: What'll it take, Dami? We'll do anything!
Barbara: You have no idea what kind of power you're holding in your hands right now, kiddo.
Cass: *nods seriously*
Damian: FOR THE LAST TIME, I SAID--
Bruce [walking in]: Hey, now, what's everyone yelling about this time?
Bruce [pulling to a stop]: Please tell me nothing exploded.
Duke: Nah, nothing like that. We're just--
Bruce [going pale]: Nobody's pregnant? No new tattoos? I shouldn't be expecting any more calls from the Argentinian embassy, should I?
Duke: Any more whAT now--?
Steph: Pshh, no! Relax, B! Nothing suspicious going on in here! Just an impromptu family meeting discussing a very boring--
Tim: We're all trying to bribe Damian.
Steph [whispering]: Snitches get stitches, Timberly.
Bruce [furrowing his brow]: And may I ask WHY you're all trying to bribe Damian?
Jason: Cause he's a stubborn little s**t who takes after his dad. Puts a friggin' BAT prefix in front of everything like it's the pinnacle of originality.
Damian [stomping his foot]: Her name is Bat-Hen, and that is final!
Tim: The rest of us wanted to name her Marco Pollo.
Duke [snickering]: Classic.
Jason: But if the demon-brat insists on sticking to his little theme, we're willing to compromise on Bat-cock.
Dick [pointing at Jason]: No the F**K we are not.
Bruce [putting his hands up in the 'time-out' sign]: So hold on, I'm not sure I'm following. You're all trying to name WHO?
Steph: Damian's new chicken.
Bruce [with a relieved sigh]: Oh, okay.
Bruce:
Bruce:
Bruce: his what
it looks like his lecture series got more popular!
I love this omg.
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Tim: i just saw Dick cry for like 5 minutes, but then his phone alarm went off and he just stopped crying???
Dick, from another room: its called time management
!!!!!!!!!!!
IM CRYING
this is fantastic now children in Puerto Rico wont be able to receive the education they deserve thanks to their messed up government
Its even worse than that. Iām living through it. Not only are schools closing, hospitals are collapsing. Only around 9% of the island has electricity and it comes and goes at times.
People are dying in hospitals because of lack of diesel for the generators, a lot of the water is now infected, there are disease outbreaks and scareceness of food. I am safe, but many are not.
Some have water, others donāt. We need help. Sending money would be helpful but what would help even more would be sending water filters, filtering water bottles, food, medicine, if somehow possible diesel.
All of you reblogging this news helps, but what we need is physical help. If you canāt, then spread the word, but God if you can send suppliesā¦ Pleaseā¦ PLEASE do. We are dying. Help us, help us save ourselves. Help us save our people. Help us save out ISLAND.
If youāre not in a position to ship or transport useful items to the island (which is sure as heck the case for me in New Zealand) then the best thing you can do is give money to a reputable relief organisation operating in the area.
Hispanic Federation UNIDOS fundraising page for Puerto Rico.
Choose the fundraiser you want from the dropdown menu in theĀ āYour Informationā section (as you can see from the picture they have several).
Save the Childrenās Hurricane Maria fundraising page.
Reblogging
Maria is over but weāre still going through hell and the effects of it likely wonāt fade for years to come thanks to HoW mUCh hElP We rEciEveD so support and awareness is always appreciated
Limits of the Human Body
Body Heat = 107.6 F
Cold Water = 40 F
Hot Air = 300 F
High Altitude = 15,000 ft
Starvation = 45 days
Diving Depth = 282 ft
Lack of Oxygen = 11 minutes
Blood Loss = 40%
Dehydration = 7 days
Writers finding this post:
Thank you
Europeans about half of this post:
Body Heat = 42 C
Cold Water = 4 C
Hot Air = 148 C
High Altitude = 4572m
Starvation = 45 days
Diving Depth = 390m
Lack Of Oxygen = 11 minutes
Blood Loss = 40%
Dehydration = 7 days
Europeans seeing this version of this post:
Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.
Free to watch ā¢ No registration required ā¢ HD streaming
Shazam: [First time meeting the league] oh my god this is so cool!! Tell me everything! What are all of your powers?! I mean, I know Superman is like, indestructible and can fly, and Wonder Woman is super strong and invincible, and Aquaman can talk to fish-
Aquaman: That's not-
Shazam: -and Green Lantern can create stuff, and Flash is super fast, and Batman has super strength too-
Superman: Actually, Batman doesn't have powers.
Shazam:
Shazam: Yeah he does. He's a superhero.
Flash: Nope. He's just a regular dude in a bat costume.
Wonder Woman: He's very competent though.
Wonder Woman: [quietly] compared to certain other heroes at least
Green Lantern: [offended] Hey!
Shazam: But- But how does he fight bad guys?
Flash: He punches them with his human fists and then blows them up with expensive weaponry
Shazam: That's insane! How is he not DEAD?!
Green Lantern: That's what we keep asking ourselves
Shazam: But how does he get to the bad guys if he canāt fly and doesn't have super speed?
Aquaman: Well, sometimes he catches a ride with someone else
Shazam: ...are you telling me Batman piggy back rides into battle?
Green Lantern: [straight faced] It's the only way he rides.
Shazam: Wait, what about Robin? His side kick? He has powers right?
Superman: uh, no not really.
Shazam:
Green Lantern: Only one of the Gothamites have superpowers
Shazam: Wait, you let normal children fight villains?
Superman: WE don't.
Shazam: So you, a league of superheroes, can't stop ONE powerless human from letting kids fight mutant supermonsters?
The League:
Superman: Look, he's very convincing.
Aquaman: Incredibly persuasive
Green Lantern: There was a power point presentation involved
The image of tired, emo, dad Bruce Wayne strolling up to a WE meeting with a Monster drink in one hand and a tiny, newly adopted 8-year-old Dick Grayson in the other lives rent free in my head.
