Trying to Spice Up Your Dash...

Hector

Hector

The boy forgot the word for soulmate and his brain thought, “it’s called secret Santa”

FNA Sesame Street

I’m feeling an emotion idk what emotion it is tho

What’s popping, you ask? Why, it’s my joints.

when your spouse catches your child in a ridiculous lie such as claiming they didnt eat the entirety of a bag of sugar despite the evidence, it is YOUR job, as co-parent and a bringer of chaos, to say: i believe her. she didn’t do it. that sugar could’ve came from anywhere. let’s go baby, let’s go find the criminal who framed you. what a dastardly crime to commit against a child.

now…as someone who raised their younger sister: 9 out of 10 times, this will end in a tearful confession. your faith in her will be it. and you have to act HEARTBROKEN. you have to look at the dog and ask, mournfully, “did you know? did you know?”

date someone that makes you roll your eyes and smile after

Not to be corny but do u ever get hit with a wave of love so comfortable and deep that u feel like uve already loved this person for thousands of years

“do not mistake composure for ease”

If you paladin rolls a natural one when smiting evil, instead of being smoten, evil is smitten. Now they wander around with a blushing demon bashfully writing poetry about them constantly

OP change your url

Apparently if you play the Indiana Jones theme music at an archaeological dig like half the people reach for their phones

#the other half reach for their phones if you play the jurassic park theme

There are only two genders: Jurassic Park and Indiana Jones

need to start shaking some old habits like heading towards a tar factory and a chicken coop whenever im in a car chase

People like this exist. Interesting.

I thought things couldn’t get more horrifyingly amusing than the woman who wanted people to pay $1000 each to go to her wedding so she could “feel like a Kardashian for a day” and had a Facebook breakdown about it saying she was gonna go backpacking in Peru to “find herself” after being “betrayed” by her friends who didn’t want to partake but here we are

I thought it was the same person ngl.

I’m in the wedding shaming group and saw both this and the Peru post before it went viral. Love it.

Stephanie is a true hero.

my favorite thing about this update is that the fact that we are even SEEING this means there’s AT LEAST one other snitch in the party that she hasn’t caught yet

@ihatejonarbuckle

@raeloganthesonic06fangirl

wholesome

It’s rare to see Garfield content on Tumblr that isn’t “Jon is a heartless monster” or “Garfield is some eldritch horror”

A giant merman who is just really gay for pirates

i was in a thrift shop the other day and they were playing the most unsettling variations of normal christmas music, culminating in this rendition of the 12 days of christmas except it was like 12 guys all singing over each other and going “no!” and interrupting the lyrics with random other phrases until they deadass just started singing 5 golden rings to toto’s africa. can anyone confirm that this is a real song and not that i stroked so hard i astral projected into a universe where everything is somehow worse than it is here

this is what my anxiety attacks sound like

Oh I needed this laugh this evening. Thank you so much.