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Our rogue needs new dice...

#dice jail #bad dice #dice shaming #critical fail #dnd #d&d #dungeons and dungeons #d&d 3.5e

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thatanimallady

Help DV Victim In Need

I came across this woman's story on Facebook today and my heart broke. Please do anything you can to help. Signal boost the fuck out of this and donate if you can. I'm just so small...but together all of us small people can do pretty big things.

Facebook post: https://www.facebook.com/groups/1259852177422636/permalink/3059679847439851/

Fundly link: https://fundly.com/domestic-abuse-emergency?ft_src=EmailCommunityTemplateWelcome&ft_sid=28236192&ft_aid=706334&ft_uid=2860132

skellerbvvt

You know. It’d explain a lot if dragon eggs were this impenetrable substance that only could break down and safely release the fledgling if it was sufficiently surrounded by gold. And for centuries dragons just needed to dig down and find a gold vein in the mountains, and they’d return and return and return to the same area, up until human were like: hey, we have no actual use for this super soft inert metal, but we like it, so it’s ours now. And the dragons were then forced to go: hello! I see your capitalist nightmare society is hoarding gold because it decided it had value for no reason. We need it for actual reasons. We would like ti back now.

Humanity: We sort of based our entire value system off it? So no?

Dragons: But you aren’t using it and we need it.

Humanity: Sweet. Can you pay us for it?

Dragons: Do you accept UNENDING FIRE TERROR as payment?

So humanity was just like: ooh noooo. The dragons just like sleeping on top of gold for no reeeeason. They stole all of it because they are just terrible and greedy. So terrible. Our gold. Oh no. We need it. For richness. Oh nooooooo. You have to save us then you can be rich too.

bookwyrm-in-space

@editorincreeps

heallbeecat

that explains EVERYTHING

lurks-no-more

Then dragons invented paper money, and became banks. Instead of having to carry your own heavy gold around, or have to store it safely away from robbers and thieves, you deposit it at a dragon nest, and get written bills certifying your ownership of so-and-so much gold in return. In theory, dragons will pay you back your gold if you want to withdraw it, but most people never bother; it’s far more convenient to exchange bills and promissory notes.

thebaconsandwichofregret

Dragon bankers is the best idea ever.

the-amethyst-butterfly

OP is a dragon in disguise 100%

skellerbvvt

You think a millennial??? has enough money???? to be a dragon?????

stealtheircannons

When the DM says something like “The room appears to be empty” or “so you touch the object?”

redarmybushman

Fun DM tip: always do that. Even if it really is empty or nothing will happen. Really helps curb meta gamming and can get some funny reactions. My favorite is asking how they open the door or asking “so you just stand in front of it and open it normally” then suddenly they’re trying to describe a totally abnormal way of opening a door that doesnt involve them being in front of it

wagyusaichi

niko thats mean

viridiandnd

When my players roll a bad perception check I like to say, “there *seems* to be nothing there.” Especially if there is actually nothing there.

mihri-the-sasscatte

This is my method of describing incidents to build tension. I swear, some of the best ‘traps’ in my campaigns, have been just how I word their checks to make them doubt literally every possibility in a dungeon.

joshua-wright

Just realised you have to know hydra biology to get this comic, but I’m relying on the fact that most of you are massive nerds too ;)

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vonbaghager

A faerie introduces himself. Then, holding out a hand, asks, “And your name, please?”

And, like a fool, you give it to him.

monstersdownthepath

I got asked for clarification on this (but can’t reblog that particular post cuz on mobile), which I’m more than happy to provide.

In this post, a faerie is asking for ‘your’ name. The way he is wording it, however, and the accompanying beckoning motion, makes it seem as though he is asking for you to physically hand your name over. Which, because of how some faeries operate, he is.

In this instance, saying your name aloud to the fae would be literally giving your name over to him, the exact consequences of which are left up to the imagination–usually, a fae even knowing your name gives it some measure of power over you, but giving something your name would likely let it completely take over your life.

In this instance, the wording you want to use is something like “I will not give you my name, but I will tell you that it’s [name].” Alternately, you can just lie to him.

ayellowbirds

Might i suggest the less direct yet still name-preserving “you may call me…”? It dodges the request while still giving an answer of a name, which does not even have to be yours, but any name you feel like telling the fae they can use to refer to you. I would recommend “Ainsel”.

malus-syl-vestris-deactivated20

Glad Tumblr is still dispensing useful real-life tips

candystrippers-deactivated20190

I had a very young kid with a hereditary heart condition come in today to be seen. My colleague excitedly told him that I play “that ‘dungeons and dragons’ game just like you do!”

The kid deadpans me with “I DM for 8 people who keep splitting the party, I think that’s why I’m really here.”

Relatable, kid, relatable.

allofthegeekythingshere

Too real…. it’s like herding fucking cats!!

A defense of the critical success/failure on skill checks house rule:

*clears throat* If they can't even succeed on a natural 20 THEN THEY SHOULDN'T GET TO ROLL IN THE FIRST PLACE! If it is beyond their ability to do, then state that. Do not let them roll if there is a 100% chance of failure. The whole point of using dice is to account for tbe element of chance. If the chance of accomplishing something is 0% then there is nothing to roll for. Don't be a dick. If success is impossible, they don't get to roll.

Personally, I also favour the house rule because it adds flavour. I don't make critical fumbles take hit points (unless what they're doing inherently has that as a risk, i.e. attempting to scale a sheer cliff), I just make them a little inconvenient and amusing (for instance, one of my players attempted to quick mount their riding dog and rolled a one, so instead they slipped and faceplanted in the mud). Critical successes I make a bit better than regular successes- something about it makes it more awesome than a normal success would be. Maybe that roast tastes so good today that it's practically exotic- good enough perhaps to give everyone who ate it a +1 morale buff for the day, or at least the next few hours, maybe you bluff the enemy guard so well that your party members who are in on the lie catch themselves believing it too for a moment, etc. You don't get to break the laws of physics with it (the common example I see a lot is flapping your arms up and down and attempting to fly- in this case they just simply wouldn't be allowed to roll because it isn't possible), but you do get to be a little extraordinary.

Come on, guys. It's a fantasy game. We wouldn't be playing if we were looking for 100% realism. Magic and psionics exist, gods are provably real, dragons rule the skies, and powerful liches command legions of undead. There are charms that can allow you to manipulate time, boots that allow you to teleport, djinn that can appear as large humanoids or assume a gaseous form, and devils straight from the abyss. Wildly different species can interbreed (dragons and humans, for example), and there are giant, living, acidic, jello cubes of death in the world. All of this and more is true and people want to squawk about R E A L I S M? Please. So what if one of your players discovers a previously unknown and unused affinity for the violin? So what if the rogue who's never touched a cook pot before finds that they make a top notch porridge? So what if the fighter who's never touched a lock pick before gets lucky jimmying a lock with a pin? So what if the barbarian leaps slightly unrealistically high and grapples the wyvern midair? So what? We're here to have fun. You don't have to break immersion to add a little bit of spontaneous awesome to the game. It's okay if it's somewhat unrealistic...that's the whole point, isn't it? If we were looking for realism, we'd be playing something more like "Suburbs and SUVs," not "Dungeons and Dragons."

Anyway, I seem to have gotten away with myself now. This wasn't intended to be NEARLY this long, but here we are I suppose. If you've gotten this far, thanks for reading. If you prefer something else, cool, you do you. These are just my thoughts on it.

#dnd #d&d #dungeons and dragons #rpg #tabletop roleplaying #roleplaying games #house rules #natural 20 #critical fumble #crits on skill checks

develop-your-oc

Which OC has mistaken a wax replica of a fruit for the real thing and ended up taking a bite? How did they react?

succulentbud

armrry

Dungeons and Dragons

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wingbuffet

Waiata, Tiefling Bard (& Grim, the cat!)

sorcerersskull

Art by Yujin Choo

unadulteratedpiratepizza

If I’m DMing, and you show up with your Chaotic Neutral Rouge Tiefling, you will not be allowed a seat at my table. I’m sorry, but I’m just tired.

quest-givers

this, and all the comments on this post are literally the most freezing cold takes I’ve ever seen holy shit

I can’t believe people wanna have fun playing d&d

anyway I love chaotic neutral tiefling rogues

- Mod Rose

jasmerripen

Hey OP who hurt you?

unadulteratedpiratepizza

Listen, you can play whatever race or class you want to. I’m just tired of the zany wacky theater kids who think “chaotic neutral” means “chaotic dumbass” and just do whatever “lol so random” thing that jumps across their minds. “Lol, I’m a chaotic neutral rogue, I’m gonna steal from the other players because lol, so random!” “Guys, wouldn’t it be funny if I just stab the plot crucial NPC?” “We’re trying to sneak past this group of enemies? Wouldn’t it just be wacky fun if I started shouting for no reason?” (All things I have actually had to deal with with these kinds of players)

“I can’t believe people wanna have fun playing d&d” that’s great, Rebecca, have all the fun you want, that’s why we’re here playing this game, but if your fun involves bringing the flow of the story to a crashing halt every time you want to be “Wacky chaotic dumbass” and ruin the fun for everyone else, then don’t come to my table.

we-are-knight

This is a hell of a mood for me.

wearewatchman

Honestly, I don’t even mind a little wackiness, as long as it’s not destructive towards the other players’ fun. Like, it’s a game about magic and monsters and going on adventures–if there isn’t room for a little silliness, what’s the point?

But also, be mindful of the other people at the table. Don’t disrupt the game because you need a spotlight.

zarohk

What the OP’s tired of is Chaotic Evil (dumbass)

wearewatchman

Alignment really has nothing to do with it, I find. It has more to do with the player’s feelings and impulses, and how aware they are of how they are coming across (and, obviously, whether they care). Chaotic characters have a bad reputation for chicanery because of the ill-concieved rationale, “chaotic means I can do whatever I want!”, whereas my preferred interpretation of the chaotic alignment is, “I value freedom more than order, and will therefore disregard rules if they conflict with my goals.”

Even a ☆Chaotic Evil☆ character shouldn’t just stab random passerby for no reason, because that’s not advantageous, and doesn’t make for interesting storytelling. There should be forethought, something to be gained, or at least more motivation than “I thought it would be fun at that moment.” That’s boring, and it prevents better stories from happening.

allofthegeekythingshere

I agree overall. Sometimes it makes sense for a character to be a bit spontaneous like that, but as I see it it needs some kind of explanation, rather than just because the player feels like it. For instance, a character may impulsively and randomly steal because they're a kleptomaniac. A particularly sadistic character may indeed cause harm for no apparent reason other than fun. A prankster may randomly and without provocation fuck with their party members a bit.

Sometimes it can be annoying, but overall I'm okay with this stuff as long as it's genuine role-playing and everyone at the table is having fun.

#dnd #d&d #dungeons & dragons #roleplaying #rpg

billfrancois

Yesterday during my DnD session, Rathew somehow managed to sell the free spoons he got from an orc shopkeeper back for an amazing price, it was a beautiful moment…

yourplayersaidwhat

What is a god to a ligma joke?

My players were playing through an adventure path with an evil god as the main villain and in the final confrontation one of my players who’s been harassing the god the while campaign speaks up after she asks the hero’s to join her.

Player: “I only have one question for you, do you have ligma?”

I rolled a intelligence check to know the question was a joke, all the god needed to do was not roll a nat 1 and of course that’s exactly what happened.

The god asks in confusion: “what’s ligma?”

Player: “Ligma balls”

The God finally broken: “alright I don’t know what I expected, prepare to die”

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Anya is live and ready to show you everything. Watch her strip, dance, and perform exclusive shows just for you. Interact in real-time and make your fantasies come true.

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yourplayersaidwhat

Don’t be lazy

Party just balled through big monsters

DM, as NPC Governor: Thank you so much for saving the city, what was your party called? Uh….” points to me on my phone ready to go home (long day) “…you!” Me: “Uhhh idk….the taint shits.” DM: “…..Okay….. well thank you for your help anyway, can we do anything to accommodate you for your heroism?” Me: “Nope sorry to bail I love you guys and it’s always fun but next weekend ok?”

The Next Week

I show up late due to schedule errors as our party enters a town with our horses and wagon on the side of which, it is explained to me, has been spray painted our team name which was accepted unanimously. Me: “Oh damn can we change that please I am so sorry…..”

thatanimallady

Help For a Dog

This beautiful girl is coming to us next week and will need extensive help. She has aggression issues and can barely walk at this point. We

This is my Tessa who I have to give up due to the fact that my husband’s son (who is 15) is absolutely terrified of her and feels unsafe in his own home. Anything less and I’d keep trying with her myself, but this is something I can’t fix, no matter how much work I do with her. Even if I could fix all of her behavioural issues right now, I would still likely have to do this because that kind of fear really sticks.

This shelter is wonderful and I’ve been communicating with them about the situation, they have just been waiting for space. I want better for her, and I’m hoping they can help her and find her a situation where she is happier than she is now. This is the fundraiser they’ve posted to try to get some donations for the medical tests and stuff she’s going to need right off (I haven’t had the money since taking over her care from a friend several months back). Please donate if you can.

I love her so much and I’m going to miss her. My hands are tied and my heart is breaking, but this is what I have to do.

Even if you think I’m trash for this, if you can donate for her please do anyway. Your opinion of me has nothing to do with her. She deserves and needs more and better than I’m capable of offering her currently, given that I work much of the time. I’m just trying to help give it to her somehow.

Thanks.

(P.S. There is a comment amending some of the original description on the OP because she misunderstood some of our conversation and I corrected her upon noticing it.)

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