D*CK-HEAD ALIEN

You should automatically get time off work until the light returns to your eyes and you feel like a real person again

Today after about a week of confusion and asking people in real life if they've noticed anything, I discovered that there is, in fact, not a bizarre 2026 trend of "Mr Beast Pregnancy Memes" and it is all in fact just a series of tumblr posts from one Ukranian who I've never met named Petro and my two chaos incarnate tumblr mutuals who are so fascinated by the world he is conjuring that they have both been drip-feeding it onto my otherwise relatively normal tumblr dashboard.

This is the one thing in your life you really want and need to hear. It’s so fascinating.

I didn't think that it could get any worse after google decided to show jermasus as the main image result for searching "jerma" but clearly I've been proven wrong because the new image is truly much much worse

what the fuck

I love this video so much it brings me so much joy every time it crosses my dash again

*smirking* you couldn't waterboard that out of me, but even if torture was an effective method of information extraction and not a futile display of state-sanctioned sadism, the high percentage of false confessions it produces would mean that even if you could waterboard it out of me, could you even trust the veracity of my statement?

everything going downhill but at least there’s still phone in bed time am I right.. ahah am I right

(wanting to make a post about something but it reveals too much about your personal life) i have had a negative experience

its kind of fun to uninstall programs you arent using to free up space and see them all beg for their lives

the bus is never going to come because im a bad person

Update: The eunuch and I are now lovers

Update 2: He stabbed me