Hi! (I don't know if you have written about this before so I apologize in advance if I have missed it, I kept searching on your blog but I found nothing similar.)
To this day I still don't know how to write a 'suddenly' scene without it sounding awkward. I tried to but it ended up as ["Well I better get back to class—" she said, and suddenly there was an earthquake.] How can I make it smoother? Thank you so much!!
When “suddenly” feels abrupt or unnatural, that’s because it is telling the reader that something is about to happen when showing them is probably better. Like a scene in a movie, for an event to feel sudden there should be no lead-in. Characters are conversing one second, and action occurs in the next. The usual seamless flow between scenes is now unnecessary. While it is vital in the rest of storytelling, unforeseen events require disconnect and surprise.
You already show interruption in the dialogue by using an em dash, now support it by removing the attribution and interrupting the scene altogether.
“Well, I’d better get to class—”
[drop indent + immediate action]
Also like watching a movie or experiencing something irl, we don’t always get an explanation right away. We see the effects the action has on people and environment first. So instead of making the action “an earthquake,” show the reader what the earthquake is doing.
Expanding on your example, you can choose to keep terms like “suddenly.” Removing them increases the show factor and decreases the tell factor, which alters the effect slightly.
“Well, I’d better get to class—”
The floor suddenly rumbled. – vs – The floor rumbled.
Paintings on the wall began to tremble. – vs – Paintings on the wall trembled.
Removing these terms naturally makes it less obvious that what is happening is abnormal. So whatever action you choose should seem out of place enough that the reader knows this is an unusual circumstance. For instance,
The lights flickered and objects fell off shelves.
She hit the ground before she could say another word.
Both of these examples clearly indicate something is going wrong. If there isn’t an already established reason for these things to happen, the effect will be twice as strong—depending on how climactic you want your sudden action to be. Earthquakes in particular have different magnitudes, so it’s up to you and your research on how jarring the effects of this will be.
It also helps in any sudden scene to imagine which sensory cues will get your characters’ attention first. Will they hear that there’s an earthquake before they see the effects? Will they feel the ground shaking before hearing objects fall? You can write each one in the order you think your character would notice, cutting in with dialogue or other character attributions wherever it feels right. A little descriptive writing will go a long way towards putting the reader in the scene.
Avoid passive voice and stick with active voice to keep the scene feeling fast-paced. All the examples I’ve given are active voice. Passive voice would sound more like,
The floor was shaken by an earthquake.
A rattling sound was caused by paintings on the wall.
These sentences don’t contain the crutch “suddenly,” but passive voice makes them awkward and underwhelming in their own way. I’ll include a couple links that I used as reference while writing this, so you can double-check me and keep them as reference yourself.
Passive Voice Demonstrated by Zombies
Writing Tips—Don’t Say Suddenly, Show It!
Great question, and I hadn’t covered it yet so I’m glad you asked!
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