certified brain genius

starting a foundation that gives disadvantaged children one wild ass night at the club

Why the fuck are you suggesting putting CHILDREN in a club?

So they can sip grey goose, maybe have a cig, and feel the rhythm? Are you the fun police?

basically the best thing a story can have is a woman who is doomed. massive points if she destroys the people around her in response.

stop tagging men on this post i'm going to kill us both

hang on i need to review my entire post history from all time and make sure i haven't said anything embarrassing

awful news guys

i fuckin hate games where u furnish/decorate a house because it reminds me i truly have no fucking idea what youre supposed to have in a room

my corner store guy is a 50 year old man who's my best friend in the world and recently he was like "you're too pretty to be single I have some nephews you should meet. very handsome!" and I was like "a niece might be more up my alley" and he just got more excited and said "ah even better! I was overselling my nephews but my nieces are very beautiful"

gonna start making snopes-style responses to urban legends about tumblr

i don’t think people understand how much of life is grief. not just people dying, but losing the version of yourself you thought you’d become. grieving the city you had to leave. the friends you lost not in argument, but in silence. the summer that will never come back. the feeling that maybe you peaked at 12 when you were reading books under the covers and believing in forever

just ask that person out, the worst thing they can say is an esoteric incantation that topologically inverts your body

can you lez the fuck in