It's only been a week, but it feels like a year.

and then all of a sudden you’re a man and you’re ‘the problem’ and you just want to oppress girls and talk over women to validate yourself and make it all about you because all men ever do is take over the conversation and be abusive and use their toxic masculinity to bludgeon everyone around them and like

So 12-foot-tall Grandma was actually a star basketball player back in the 70s for a very brief period of time– her career as a professional athlete only lasted between October and December of 1972.

The reason for this was because John Basketball, the inventor of the sport, realized that the WNBA had not yet been established, so he asked her to please sit out until the Basketball Elders got a chance to make a space in the sport for women. Grandma thought this was pretty bullshit, but she decided to leave the NBA anyway because nobody could keep up with her balling, and the sport had lost its novelty.

After she settled down in her new-but-less-exciting career as an astronaut, she met Pop-pop on the moon. It turns out that he had been a big fan of her and had recorded all her matches on U-matic, and had fallen in love with the sport.

Anyway things happened, the two fell in love and got married, and Grandma and Pop-pop had a beautiful family together. She became especially close with one of her granddaughters, Ballin’ Jessie, who inherited her propensity for basketball. The two would often dunk hoops with each other, and developed trash-talk as their love language.

Pop-pop also had an interest in the sport, but his height had made it difficult for him to keep up with the others. In fact, he had actually lost about a foot in height as a result of being compressed by Earth’s stronger gravitational pull. Despite this, Pop-pop was never really bothered by this because of his exceptional love for Grandma, who was always more than happy to lend him a helping hand. 

”Jesus Christ, what is that?”

”How is it alive?”

"What does it want?"

”Will it hurt me?”

”Will it hurt my children?”

It's only natural to ask questions like this when encountering such a disgusting creature, but rest assured- it's quite harmless!

Meet the hampter.

Hammers are Europe's largest species of insect. They are mostly found in plains, mountains, parking lots, underpasses, the savannah, landfills, trees, and shurbs. They are heavily endangered because they are too stupid to drink water if it's not in a water bottle manufactured for small animals. But evolution has produced a remarkable solution: a female hamper can lay thousands of eggs every day! Most of her young will die of dehydration, but the sheer numbers of hamspers makes it inevitable that at least some will find a water bottle and thus survive to sexual maturity.

Hapster biologist Dr. Lexapro Beaufort said in an interview, "I know of them. They like to sniff around in the dirt for seeds and grass and discarded cigarettes. They like to dig holes in the ground. They were not created by the same God that created everything else."

They can even be kept as pets! One proud hamser mommy had this to say. "Yeah, mine is named Keith and he fucking sucks. He just hides in a hole and only comes out when he hears me rattling my adderall prescription."

My guilty pleasure right now is watching luxury hotel reviews and I found this british guy who keeps accidentally clipping into the backrooms.

( It's the roller-coaster/casino/hotel that's in Fallout NV! )