MACKY

Sa mga oras na iyon, tinititigan niyo lang ako. Nakaupo lang. Nanginginig at nakayuko. Hindi ko alam kung anong gagawin ko; kung aalis ba ako o makikipaglokohan sa inyo at sa sarili ko. Pinili kong saktan ang sarili ko. 

Umalis kayo.

Sa gabing iyon, inantay ko yung paliwanag mo. Ngunit wala. Pinadalhan niya ako ng mensahe.

"I think i should say sorry idk."

Sa isip ko, bakit ka magsasabi ng ganoon kung hindi mo naman pala alam ang dahilan. Tanga? Bobo? Hindi ko alam. Baka pangit? Hindi ko rin alam. Ngunit wala naman akong pakialam sa sasabihin niya. Sa'yo ako may pakialam. 

 Hindi naman siguro ako magagalit. Malulungkot, oo. Kasi nga baka mahal na kita. Hindi ko rin alam. Tanga? Bobo? Oo, pagdating sa'yo. 

 Maisingit lang. Huwag iinom nang mag-isa lalo na kung sawi dahil ang Emperador Lights kapag hinalo sa Red Horse, naglalasang Mountain Dew. Baka ako lang iyon? Basta huwag. 

 Inantay pa rin kita. Kahit na lahat ng detalye at ebidensya ng paglalandian niyong dalawa nasa harap ko na, pinili ko pa ring antayin ka. Umaasang sasabihin mong, 

 "Mali ka." 

 Dahil kung ganoon, unang pagkakataon na matutuwa akong nagkamali ako. Pero hindi. Iba ang natanggap kong mensahe. 

 "Sorry 😞" 

Para saan? 

 "Hindi ko alam pero sorry." 

Bakit naman ganoon? Tanga? Bobo? Bakit ka hihingi ng sorry kung hindi mo naman alam kung para saan? Naguguluhan ako.

Pero mas malala pala. Kasi natuldukan na lahat ng hinala ko. Kaya pala ayokong tanggapin lahat ng nalaman ko. "Sorry" niyo nalang pala ang kulang.

Alam mo? Ang sakit mo sa atay. 

 "T**ngina mo 👦🏾" 

Unang lagok ng Emperador, iyan ang nasabi ko. Ang sama ko namang tao. Ang sama ko pa sa sarili ko. Hindi ko alam kung bakit Emperador at Red Horse ang pinanghugas ko ng sugat na binigay mo. Sana pala Holy Water nalang nilaklak ko para nahugasan din pati mga kasalanan ko. 

 Ito pa. Alam mo ba? Ang sakit mo sa ulo. Iniisip kita. Alam mo ba iyon? Sa bawat I miss you mo, kinikilig ako. Iniisip ko kung anong isasagot ko para di naman ako magtunog desperado. Sa bawat dinner tayo mo, pinipilit kong mapuntahan ka at samahan ka. Baka naman kasi wala kang makausap. Sinasamahan kitang maglakad sa Acad Oval kahit na sobrang tamad kong tao. Tinatawanan kita kapag lumilihis ka ng daan kasi may nakita kang aso. Ang duwag mo. 

Pero napagtanto kong mas duwag pala ako. Ang tagal kong binalewala yung nararamdaman ko sa'yo dahil takot akong baka mawala yung kung ano mang meron tayo*.

Ang sakit mo sa puso.

Sinaktan mo ako, sobra. Pero may kasalanan ka ba? Wala. Hindi kita sinisisi. Hindi ko rin siya masisi. 

Sinaktan mo ako, sobra. Pero hindi ko magawang magalit. Gustong gusto na kitang kausapin pero ayoko nang masaktan. Nakakapagod na.

Sinaktan mo ako, sobra. Dito. Dito. At dito.

Ang sakit pala. Kasi sa huli, wala palang tayo. May ikaw at ako. Pero nasa magkabilang pahina pala ng libro. Marahil sa ilang punto ng kuwento nating dalawa nasa iisang pahina lang tayo, hindi lang natin masabi sa isa't isa.

Walang natira, puro pagsisisi at luha. Basag na baso at bote ng inumin. Sirang atay at sugatang puso.

Kung sakaling di na mag-usap muli, gusto kong malaman mong napasaya mo ako. Isa ka sa mga alaalang babalikan ko bago ko lisanin ang mundo. Gusto kong malaman mo na mahal pala kita, noon pa.

Ayokong bitawan ka pero sino ako para itali ka? Ayokong mapunta ka sa iba pero sino ako para pagbawalan ka?

Kaibigan?

It was surreal like the colors and hues painted on the clouds you see outside the plane window. He's got the view of the bright city lights marking the veins of the city as the plane lights dim out - beautiful and mesmerizing.

Perhaps, I have forgotten the exact moment that I randomly scrolled and bumped to your white-shirt-blue-jeans pic. Yes, I was fond of looking at these photos of cute guys on Instagram. You were one of them, nothing more, and I expected nothing. But then, I remember you, one day, spamming my own IG. You followed me. I said to myself, "Hey, he's cute", and followed you back.

Days passed and I forgot about you. At least.

Until one afternoon, I was picking up a couple of online orders somewhere in the city when you sent a direct message to me. I could never forget that Hi - with another letter "i" - "Hii". (NOTE: Trust me. I deleted all our conversations when we broke up).

We exchanged messages - Skype, Facebook, iMessage. And hey, we even had some sort of endearment. We eventually updated each other with our lives, every single minute of it - recorded in our messages and calls. And in my heart, at least.

But you're nothing unlike a trip on a plane. You're too high, up there in the sky. You fly with such trembles just like how you came into my life. You pass so quickly. One second you're up there. One blink, and you're gone.  You took me so high but these rides on the plane take only moments and the plane flies back and leave.

I finally got the reason to come home again. It's been months since I have seen those familiar traffic lights at the intersection, greeting me, "Welcome, home". Yes, I'm finally home. This heart, trembling like the engines of an airplane, is so eager to see you, not in pixels anymore, but in flesh - warm and alive. I finally saw you.

That night was beyond surreal. It felt warm. It felt real. Nothing less like the love, I believed it to be.

At least.

We departed but now, less than a mile apart. This heart, still eager to see you the next morning. Never did I expect that that next morning would never happen again.

The warmth was gone. You're lost in pixels again, no more of your warm and alive body. The trembling still continues but it marks the end of my trip, my arrival to reality, that nothing was real. Everything was just a trip, that this trip has its end.

Oh LOL. I cried for days because I lost the one thing, the only reason, that would keep me coming back home. And oh LOL. I have to leave again and fly back to that city, 1501.6 km away from him, to chase my own dreams. It would be stupid to say that I had forgotten what it felt like to be with you. At least, that's how strong it was in my imaginations.

I should've come to my senses when you said that you had your hesitations. Trust issues? But as stubborn as I am, I insisted that this would still workout. But yeah, you were right. It is difficult and, perhaps, we're not both ready to hold on to that kind of relationship. People change and people are everywhere. The fear we had was that what if we find someone better - someone nearby. Someone you could touch and feel, not in pixels, but for real.

I couldn't blame you for this because you had your warnings from the very start. Maybe, It's safe to conclude that my pain is my own due. The relationship was a risk. I took the risk and there I was, broken and shattered. The difficulty of having such great distance is that we don't trust ourselves, in the first place.

Long distance can't give you pizza in the middle of the night. It can't cook you a bowl of warm soup or a cup of noodles when you're sick and alone in your dorm room. It can’t give you the warm hug that you crave from someone you love.  It can't give you the assurance of a healthy relationship.

You should be ready for all the things that I've mentioned above. I am not saying that long-distance relationships don't work out because, sometimes, they do. In our case, we’re not ready yet to endure the pain and suffer from anxiety of having each other in different cities.

Marahil ay nauuso na ngayon ang mga ganitong kuwento. Yung mga tipong matalik na magkaibigan na nagiging magka-ibigan ngunit hiwalayan din ang hinahantungan. Tulad ng kuwento naming dalawa na tumakbo sa loob ng dalawang taon at sa iyakan lang din humantong. Kami na tila hindi na mapaghiwalay ay nagkakasalubong na lang sa daan na wala man lang ni isang “Hi”.

Wala na yung pulang sasakyang nag-aabang sa labas ng bahay kapag papasok na ako sa klase. Wala na rin yung taong tinuturuan ko ng Math ng madaling araw. Wala na rin yung taong nakakatulog (at minsan ay tumutulo na yung laway) sa loob ng kotse kakahintay at kaka-adjust sa magulo at hectic kong schedule.

Dahil nga sa mga ganitong klaseng katapusan, marami sa atin ang takot nang magmahal – lalo na sa isang kaibigan. Bakit? Natatakot tayong sumugal. Natatakot tayo na baka mawala yung taong iyon sa buhay natin.

Sa akdang Crossing Boundaries ni Reini Azriel Evangelista, nakasaad na hindi nagtatapos ang pagkakaibigan sa pagsisimula ng pag-iibigan. Naniniwala si Evangelista na ang pag-ibig ang nagpapatibay ng pag-iibigan. Ngunit sa mga sumunod na talata ay binigyang-linaw kung bakit tayo takot na isugal ang pagkakaibigan para sa pagmamahal. Hindi tayo sigurado sa mga mangyayari kapag tayo ay sumugal. Maaaring kapag matalo yung sugal at hindi natin makamit yung pagmamahal ay mahulog pabalik sa pagiging isang kaibigan. Swerte na nga kung may babalikan pa tayong pagkakaibigan.

Paano kung wala?

Malaki ang posibilidad na kapag natalo tayo sa sugal, maaaring hindi lang ang posibilidad ng pagkakaroon ng romantikong ugnayan ang mawala, pati na rin ang pagkakaibigan.

Kapag naman ay naging matagumpay tayo sa sugal. Maaaring maging maganda yung magiging takbo ng relasyon dahil kilala niyo na ang isa’t isa.

Ngunit sa isang relasyon, hindi naiiwasan ang mga pagsubok na siyang nagiging sanhi ng pagkuwestiyon ninyo sa isa’t isa at sa kung anong mayroon sa inyong dalawa.

“But like most relationships, roadblocks happen. […] It was a sort of make it or break it situation. You either get through that roadblock together (maybe stonger, maybe weaker than before) or on your own (sometimes weaker, but more often stronger than you were before).” – Everything At Its End ni Karla Maolen Visbal

Sa unang bahagi ng akda ni Visbal na Everything At Its End, makikita na natural lamang sa isang relasyon ang mga pagsubok na tinawag niyang “roadblocks” at kung paano ito nakakaapekto sa isang relasyon at sa bawat isa.

Masaya kung nalampasan niyo nang kayong dalawa. Ngunit paano kung paglampas ay ikaw nalang mag-isa? Mahirap siguruhing may babalikan ka pang pagkakaibigan.

Dahil madalas, wala na.

Sinabi din ni Sartre na ang lahat ng romantikong ugnayan ay nakatadhanang magtapos. Kaya nga ay sa mga kasalan may linyang “[un]til death do as part”. Kaya kahit humantong sa altar ang pagmamahalan, nakatadhana pa rin itong magtapos, hindi man sa hiwalayan ngunit maaaring sa kamatayan.

HEIRS presents the culmination of fashion and function in one bag. No matter what you do, no matter where you go -- HEIRS got you covered.

NOT JUST A PRODUCT, BUT A NEW BENCHMARK.

Models// Henry Yap Trixie Tapiador Rois Bautista Marge Tejada Gayle Limlingan Ivan Poblete

Photos by// Gayle Limlingan Mico Pena Gio Obviar

Lookbook by// MACKY ARANEZ

Now, three days have passed since we lost our Faculty Center to a Task Force Alpha-level fire.

It was Friday Wacky Friday for our dorm, where the residents should dress-up with their costumes and weird attires. However, it was not wacky anymore knowing that we have lost an age-old heritage for the Iskolars ng Bayan. 

Faculty offices, the books, the readings, theses, journals, our papers and exams, Ate Jofel’s photocopy center - all gone.

We, the Diliman community, are calling to all of you to help us rebuild our beloved Faculty Center. There are a lot of initiatives, now on-going, in all efforts to help restore what has been lost, not only to us, but to the whole Philippine educational system.

One of which is the Sagip Readings. To those UP students and alumni who still have their readings  in their possessions, you guys could donate your readings in order to restore the physical database of readings.

LINK: SAGIP READINGS

Dahil isang malaking kawalan ng mga koleksyon ng ating mga guro ang natupok.. Ito ay isang super kompilation project para sa pagpundar ng panibagong koleksyon ng readings. Kung mayroon pa kayong mga kopya ng readings na ginamit sa ating mga klase. At wiling ibigay sa departamento. Lalo na yung mga “sobrang luma at memorabilla” level na pinaphotocopy ng mga sir at maam natin para maging readings sa klase. Mga tipong alam nating, sila ang nagpundar para magkakopya nito at maibahagi sa ating mga estudyante. Time to give back kila ser at mam

PAKIPOST ANG READINGS NA MAYROON KAYO TITULO, Awtor, Klase at Propesor

Also, here’s a comprehensive list of initiatives and efforts for the benefit of the UP Faculty Center

Posted by Rebuild the UP Diliman Faculty Center on Saturday, April 2, 2016

Hope you guys could help us in restoring one of the country’s educational heritage.

It was my first time to visit Pangasinan. I was with my Babaylan family for Mamu Rod’s post-birthday celebration (They are so wonderful that they let us join the trip even though we’re still applicants). It was amazing and unforgettable.

Patar is super budget-friendly. Cottages (complete with a grilling place, kitchen, and showers) are available for such a surprisingly low price, making the place a-must in your budget-travel destinations. Patar White Beach offers you pink sunsets (the sunset photo above has no filter!), white sand, rushing waves, and the summer sun. Nothing will remind you of the city because there is no cellular service nor internet.

The people are also wonderful and amazing. They are very hospitable and are always ready to attend to your needs. They even let us borrow their kitchen stuffs without hesitations.

If you want to escape - completely - from the city buzz and your busy life, then, Bolinao, Pangasinan would be a perfect place to breathe. It’s just 6-7 hours away from Metro Manila - far enough to shut the life in the metro.

I have been very busy lately that this visual diary came in super duper late. It was actually my second time to visit these places ‘cause I attended a fiel trip with the same itinerary last sem. I chose to join this time so that I could have the reason to kiss Quezon province again. Someday, I will come back, again and barge in these places and eat at Liliw.

TIP #1: Invest on a smartphone with superb camera with built-in or customized features

You don’t want crappy selfies, right? That is why it is good to consider whether you have the perfect phone for your perfect selfie. I recommend phones with front cameras ranging from at least 5 MP or higher as it will produce detailed and vibrant selfies.

There are a lot of smartphones out there in the market to chose from but OPPO F1 is one of the good catches in the smartphone arena. OPPO F1 boasts an 8MP front camera and 13MP main camera which can produce high quality selfies, literally and obviously improving your selfies. It also has face-detection technology perfect for your barkada groufies.

The OPPO F1 Selfie Expert

TIP #2: Catch the perfect moment

Actually, you don’t catch the “perfect” moment for your selfies. You make that moment “perfect”. Perfect doesn’t have to be extravagant and glamorous. The perfect moment ranges from #IWokeUpLikeThis selfies...

to #OOTD’s...

and even random candids... (well, the picture above is a scripted candid).

TIP #3: Find a good lighting

Again, we don’t want crappy selfies, right? Avoid the dark and as much as possible find a place with good and sufficient lighting. I personally recommend taking selfies under natural light. This is to avoid getting your photos grainy; like this...

But what if... the perfect moment comes at night? Worry no more because the OPPO F1 has a a built-in LED flash ready to snap at dark environment such as night parties and getaways. And!!! OPPO F1 also has screen flash so that you can have stunning selfies, even in low-light.

TIP #4: You can always filter. :)

Well, this tip is optional but you can use filters and minor fixes to improve the ambience of the photo. There are certain filters which can make the mood of your selfie pop-out, thus, it would be a better one. These are the apps that I use:

I use Snapseed because of its selective feature, wherein you can just select a specific area where you can adjust its brightness, saturation, and contrast. Snapseed also has dynamic range of tools for minor fixes.

VSCO is the most widely-used photography app. It has a bunch of cool free filters and also amazing paid filters. I usually use the HYPEBEAST Filters of the VSCO. Good news, it’s free!

Afterlight is a combination of VSCO and Snapseed. It has a complete dynamic toolbox for fixes and edits and a bunch of cool filters, too. It’s a paid app, by the way. But, it’s worth it! Swear.

All of these apps are available for download for your OPPO F1 running ColorOS 2.1 on Google Play.

Moreover, OPPO F1 has a built-in Beautify 3.0 feature which enhances selfies by smoothing edges, improving complexion and minimizing blemishes. Perfect for quick, at-the-moment (atm) selfies.

TIP #5: Do not over-edit! Do not use crappy photos!

It is fun to apply filters and various fixes on your selfie but DO NOT OVEREDIT! Overediting can destroy the quality of your selfie and it will turn out horrible. Just apply one filter, preferably subtle ones, and minor fixes.

Selfies can capture even the most wacky moments of our lives. They encapsulate the moments we cherish, even those in the minute details of our everyday lifestyle. OPPO F1 can give you that. It’s a phone not only for your selfies but also for your perfect moments. It can freeze that moment in one photo in full detail and vibrance. It’s always good to invest to something which can make you happy and can make you a #SelfieExpert.

GRAB YOUR OPPO F1 TODAY! Visit their WEBSITE and follow them on their social media accounts:

OPPO Facebook: https://www.facebook.com/OPPOPH

OPPO Twitter: https://twitter.com/OPPOphilippines

It was a typical Monday when I decided to travel myself, alone, to Makati to witness the UP Repertory deliver their most controversial play, yet. I’m alone. I don’t have a car (and a boyfriend) so I have to commute (one of the things I hate about the Philippines, specifically, Metro Manila e.g. MRT).

I took the MRT to Guadalupe and there I tried to fetch a cab but the hellish traffic would increase my meter. Somebody referred me to a single-motorcycle. Yes, I’m brave enough to ride habal-habal in Metro Manila.

Makati - Binay’s treasure and his only argument on the recent debate (oops)

It did not take long ‘til we reached the venue - Pineapple Lab. When I reached the venue, the pre-show performance of the UP Rep was already finished. I forgot to mention that the ticket price is Php 300. I got mine 66% off. Do the Math.

Forgive my crappy Snaps. :( I was only using my 5s while struggling for battlife.

So this was one of the pubmats. (Source)

I was actually torn between two events that time (between this and UP Dance Company’s) but I chose this because it stirred my curiosity. And yeah, it was, indeed controversial, in fact explicit.

It was blasphemous, yes. Referring to various religious stuff, yes Christ among others, and connecting them to sexually explicit things. An EDM-flavored sex scene between Padre Damaso and Madre Karitas opened the play and was cut by the knock of another nun, Madre Salve Regina. She brought a rape-victim with her named Juana Donna. She was accusing another priest for raping her and asked the three to help her restore her virginity. The solution?

“Patoot-toot ka kay Hesus,” Padre Damaso

(Have yourself fucked by Jesus)

Blasphemous, enough? Here’s one of their songs.

And it revolves around them finding the solution on how to restore the girl’s virginity. The rest, I’ll leave it to their last show.

Karitas at Damaso gives you this entertainment without being offended and will leave their songs on-the-loop in your minds even though, it is against your faith. It’s short but you’ll laugh your way out of Pineapple Lab. I don’t recommend people with weak faith and faint heart. And for those who are brave enough, you can now subscribe for a daily delivery of holy water at your doorstep or you can have a 100mL bottle filled with holy water. Make it a hand sanitizer or eyedrop or drinking water, whatever applies.

Fringe Manila and The UP Rep will have the last show for Karitas at Damaso on February 27, 3PM. Pineapple Lab is located at 6071, R. Palma Street, Barangay Poblacion in Makati City. Check this link for more details or you can contact Jzar ( 09081041243 ) or these pals:  NICOLYN - 0906 692 5606; BEA - 0906 582 5512; PAT - 0915 912 9919.