Tee

This is the most legendary tweet I’ve ever read to this day

Sorry but actually the “press any button” greentext story is objectively the best one

good morning cruel world

Don’t you mean goodbye?

no i meant good morning. this world may be cruel but i’m still kickin’

This really cheered me up

2018 vibes

I truly go into housewife mode when im someones girlfriend like I will make u pancakes and bacon every morning and suck u up whenever u want

this a lie

im literally dating this girl this a lie

she dont even know how to cook a pancake what is this

someday, in the distant future, humans will once again be capable of hearing the phrase “what is love” without also feeling the primal urge to  respond with “baby don’t hurt me”

So at that point, people will say “baby don’t hurt me”…no more?

I tried to scroll past I really did

beautiful set up, perfect follow-through. great teamwork everyone

This is kinda perfect.

This is GREAT and also before I even listened to it, based on the two little kids in red sweatshirts, I knew that they were British

man you know what I want? a superhero series where they have powers that 100% contradict their personalities. a fishermans daughter who lives by the sea, swims every day, learns that she can control fire. a boy who’s mortified of heights but realizes he can use antigravity and hates it. someone who was bitten by a dog as a child, suffers extreme fear around animals, can now communicate with them. they’re all disgusted by their powers.