stop sniffing your teacher

My favourite passage from Lover/Stranger for Wayhaven Valentines (rated E), my fic about Andy and Farah roleplaying as strangers meeting in a bar, is:

Farah makes the cutest little noises when Andy presses her up against the brick wall and kisses her neck, first in the hollow behind her ear and then down. She sucks on her delicate skin, right where Farah likes it most, and tries valiantly to give her a hickey that won’t last a minute.

Up until this point in the fic, there has been no reference to the fact that Andy and Farah are roleplaying. It's written as if it's an AU where Andy and Farah are legitimately strangers meeting for the first time in a bar. But this passage is the turning point, where there is the first introduction of information which is incongruent and irreconcilable with our understanding of Andy and Farah's relationship up until that point (namely, that they're supposed to be strangers).

However, in this passage, Andy notes that she's kissing Farah "where Farah likes it most", which doesn't make sense if they're strangers (they just met tonight. How does she know how Farah likes to be kissed?). The smoking gun in this passage, however, is the part where Andy gives Farah "a hickey that won't last a minute", thus directly referencing Farah's vampire healing ability, which she should definitely not know about if they are strangers.

There are other similar moments throughout the second half of the fic, but this is the turning point where they get introduced. I really wanted these to be little incongruences that made the reader stop and think "hey. Huh. What?"

From save a horse, ride a cowboy (rated E), my Andy/Farah + Nat fic, there is:

“Wait-” Farah gasps abruptly and everything stops. “You okay?” Andy asks and Nat detects a real twinge of worry in her voice. “Nat should turn around,” Farah says, “so we can face each other.” “Oh,” Nat agrees breathlessly. “Yes.” It takes some adjusting and it’s awkward to try to turn Nat around without kneeing Andy in the face or kneeling on her short, coppery hair.

This passage is wedged between two rather explicit bits. The dialogue isn't the most riveting thing ever, but Mar actually pointed out in the comments that Nat - who was facing away from Farah before - turning around is symbolic of her inclusion in this intimate moment with her friends. Farah is both physically and emotionally drawing Nat in. When I wrote these lines, it was originally just a decision that would let me describe the sex better (the alternative was to spend the rest of the fic having Nat look at a headboard and a wall until they changed positions anyway), but when I read Mar's comment I realized that yes, yes, actually that is exactly what is going on and I didn't even realize it.

There's also this passage, right at the end of the fic:

Relaxed and loose-limbed and a little sleepy, Andy murmurs, “My pretty girls,” and the intimacy bites sharply at Nat’s heart. Nat has not been without the love of men or women over her long life, but these are not the whispered words of strangers and one-night-lovers. These are not the touches of partners who want Nat for now but not forever. These are the caresses of her friends – of Andy and Farah, who have, for a night, shared with her the treasure of their love for each other and their love for her. It’s not the kind of love that she wants – not when she saw between Andy and Farah tonight what it could one day be like for her – but it’s love just the same, and it’s a love that she cherishes dearly. Nat turns her head into Andy’s shoulder and places a grateful kiss there, too, and lets the moment linger.

There are these moments peppered throughout the fic where Nat is watching Andy and Farah interact with each other that are just tinged with the slightest envy, and I like the way that this passage unpacks that feeling that's been lingering the whole fic.

Nat loves Andy and Farah dearly. The platonic love is there and it's real and it is enough, but it's also a different kind of love than the kind that Nat has been yearning for. And she's been watching Andy and Farah interact and be so clearly in romantic love with each other and it has made her kind of envious. She wants that kind of intense, intimate, and romantic love for herself some day, too. This passage is just this moment where she's grappling with all of these truths at once - the sting of envy but also the warmth and richness of knowing that she loves and is loved in return by Andy and Farah and that that in itself is precious.

My favourite passage from Vacation for Summer in Wayhaven (rated G), which is about Unit Bravo forcing Adam and Lauren to take a vacation is:

Normally, there is so much pain between the two of them – self-inflicted, on both their ends. Lauren’s everyday unhappiness drapes over her like a heavy grey pall and Adam stands still and stiff as a statue to withstand the torture of denying himself the things he needs, but right now they look so comfortable together.

This passage from Nate's section is my favourite Lauren criticism in the entire fic. There's a similar passage from Farah's section which is funny, but Nate's comment here is so brutal. Yes, Farah said that Lauren is like Rebecca in that they're both chronic workaholics so dedicated to their careers that they sacrifice their personal lives, but Nate says here that Lauren and Adam are both personally responsible for their own unhappiness. And yeah, it's true, but Nate, man, you can't just say that. And it's just nestled between these nice observations that Nate is making about how they're good for each other and how happy they seem to be together, so it's easy to miss, but it's so brutal.

My favourite passage from Signature Drink for Summer in Wayhaven (rated G), which is about Andy and Farah trying to stay cool during the summer heat, is:

Andy pours a half glass for herself but a full glass for Farah, providing for her love as much lemonade as she could possibly desire.

It's such a little line, but it's so sweet and so essentially Andy in terms of how she thinks and how she shows her love for Farah.

Honorable mention for the boobs line, which I love because it makes me laugh. It is also essentially Andy:

“Do you want a drink?” she asks Farah. Farah lifts her head and catches an eyeful of Andy’s bare torso. “Boobs,” Farah observes. It’s good to see that the extreme heat hasn’t affected her priorities. It makes Andy laugh, though; the kind of surprised sound that bubbles up in her chest and out through her mouth. “You can’t drink boobs, babe. I was thinking more water, juice, lemonade…”

From third time's the charm (rated E), my Gray x Ellie fic about their first time together (and Ellie's first time ever), there is:

Gray graciously lets Ellie hide against him without saying anything for a few long moments. However, because Gray loves her, he doesn’t let her run from this conversation forever.

I love this part so much because of this one little line: "because Gray loves her, he doesn't let her run from this conversation forever". It's just this little one-off comment, but I think it says so much about how their relationship works. Because Gray can hear Ellie's thoughts, they have to be honest with each other: talking things out is a necessity in their relationship. They can't lie to each other and they can't let issues fester between them. But there's also this little moment where Gray lets Ellie have her embarrassment and he kind of comforts her through it before they have this conversation.

Loving someone doesn't always look like coddling them or letting them get away with avoiding difficult conversations (not that this is what Gray is doing here). Sometimes, loving someone means forcing the hard conversation. And Gray does it very gently here, but he does do it. And for Ellie and Gray, who are prone to - each in their own ways, and at different times - some level of passivity, it's really easy to avoid the difficult conversations and just try to people-please their way through them. But ultimately, that's not what's good for their relationship, or what's good for them as individuals.

So much of their early relationship focuses on building this kind of trust between them, where they can have the honesty necessary to make their relationship work while still feeling safe together (and it works: something I wanted to emphasize throughout the rest of the fic is how safe - emotionally and physically - Ellie feels with Gray). And I think this passage shows how they manage it: with a mix of compassion, patience, trust, and love.

And (this passage is explicit):

She rides his thigh faster again, chasing more of this feeling, wanting more of him. She needs it desperately. She needs it more than she’s ever needed anything in her life. She’s so close, she’s so fucking close, she’s up against this edge that she can’t quite tip over, she needs something more something extra something else but she doesn’t know what and she can’t quite fucking get there, the frustration bites, it’s just within reach, it’s so far away, she’s almost there, and then-

I like the way the pacing of this passage worked. The run-on sentences here have this frantic, racing quality to them that mirrors the way Ellie feels in that moment. It had this feeling of ramping up higher and higher and then reaching an abrupt end.

And also (this passage is explicit):

It takes Gray longer to come, now that the frantic pace of their coupling has slowed into something tender. It had never occurred to her how vulnerable making love would be for Grayson, too: she’d been so focused on her own insecurities that she had forgotten that she would get to see him, every inch of him laid bare. He looks so beautiful with every part of himself exposed to her. She loves him. She loves that her body can give him this. She presses a fond kiss to his temple and tastes the salt of his drying sweat on his skin. Grayson moans – a low, almost pained, sound – and loses himself inside of her.

Most of this fic is very focused on Ellie: Ellie's experiences, Ellie's pleasure. In part, this is because Ellie's the POV character, but also because this is Ellie's first time sleeping with anyone. It's something that's very special and to her, so that comes through in a lot of the fic. What I love about this passage is that it's this moment where Ellie realizes how special this is for Gray, too, and how lucky she is to get to share this with him. I tried to focus on the feelings of love and appreciation she has for him, and how that would translate during such an intimate moment.

From an acolyte to worship (rated E), my Glitch x Ellery fic about Ellery's relationship with oral sex (and sex in general), there is:

Within minutes of Ellery coming over, Ferro had told her his plans for the evening. With a dazzling grin, he’d asked her to trust him, and Ellery had found that she did. Ever since they had started dating three months ago, every kiss, every conversation, every time they climbed together into bed or onto a couch or once, unexpectedly, on Ferro’s kitchen table had felt like an adventure. And for every journey – every broadened horizon – that they shared together, Ferro had seen her through safely and happily to the other side. And so, for a third time, she says, “Yes.”

What I really like about this moment is how it explores the emotional component of Glitch and Ellery's relationship, even though a lot of the fic is about their physical relationship.

Glitch and Ellery like and respect each other for so many reasons, but they also just have fun together. So much of their relationship is based around enjoying being in each other's company. I like that this passage emphasizes the way that their relationship feels like an adventure (and how Glitch specifically has opened up Ellery's rather restricted world), but is still rooted in so much mutual trust. If you could distill their early relationship down to one passage, it would be this.

Also (this passage is more explicit):

She’s already so wet. She needs something in her. She needs- “Ferro,” she tries again, and he looks up at her from where he’s kissing over the jut of her hipbones. She doesn’t know what she looks like, gasping for breath and sprawled out on her back in his bed, but the unrestrained hunger in his gaze makes her think she looks good.

I like the way the two paragraphs of this passage fit together, how the first paragraph can be read two possible ways. The initial parsing of the first paragraph (particularly the last part, "She needs-") is that Ellery needs something, but that something is omitted by her fragmented thoughts. When she says Ferro's name at the start of the second paragraph, it's a new thought.