i am very young and i am learning how to live

Willow appreciated many things about August and their presence. Their calm, aloof demeanor served as a stark contrast to Willow's chaos, and it seemed to balance both of them out. They also seemed to always look out for Willow, checking in on them, making Willow feel warm and cared for. Willow made sure to pay back by helping August feel welcome in the band. They were, after all, a tight bunch.

They were also very nice to look at. Willow found themselves lost more than once, staring at August's pretty face. Their quick, skilled hands when they played the drums. All of them charmed Willow and it was harder and harder to not linger in their proximity. Sometimes Willow imagined that August was hiding a magnet somewhere behind the loose layers of their clothes, and it pulled Willow to them constantly. And they did not discourage the closeness either, on the contrary, they seemed to seek Willow out in their short times of rest.

A rare moment of peace found them on the tour bus one evening. All the other members of both Dead Dream and Soft Violence were resting in their bunks, leaving Willow and their drummer alone in the front. Willow was tired, and the small bunk in the back of the bus was calling to them, but they didn't want to waste this rare opportunity to be with August, one on one. August didn't seem to fare much better, their eyelids heavy, as they stared into their phone, playing some game with one hand, while they held a string, that Willow was putting beads on, with the other. Willow loved finding little excuses and tasks to hang out with their friends, and August was not exception. This time, their drummer was helping them with a very important task of making jewelry.

"What about this color?" Willow held up a purple bead up to August's face. They looked up from their phone and sent Willow a lazy smile. "Mhm, I like it." Willow wasn't sure if they liked it, but that's just how it was with August. Had to take them for their word. Willow's fingers grazed August's hand as they thread the bead on the string, and Willow could see August's smile grow on contact. They put away their phone, apparently now more interested in observing Willow work.

"You have a lot of hobbies," August's voice was soft in the hum of the running bus. "this, the costumes, the… juggling." Willow could see they tried to keep their face straight at the last hobby. They sent August a playfully hurt look. "It's impressive that you keep up with them, even with being on tour."

It wasn't a question but Willow was inclined to respond, they wanted August to know them, to know about them. "I like to keep myself busy, it helps with" Willow vaguely pointed to their head with their free hand. "everything up there. If I have too much free time I start overthinking and catastrophizing." August nodded thoughtfully. "You don't seem like someone who has to worry about that." Willow was eager to keep the conversation going.

"Nah… I try not to worry too much." Of course August wouldn't, they were always so cool. Willow did not expect them to continue. "But I'll admit… I've found myself ruminating about certain things, people, recently. More than usual." The look they sent Willow made their ears burn. August loved doing that, Willow noticed. Throwing a suggestion, a thought, a touch, and watch Willow squirm under it. It wasn't unkind. They seemed to be testing the waters, seeing how Willow would respond to them. Of course, Willow wanted to encourage it. They liked August so much. So much. But there was always this annoying, logical voice in their head telling them to cool it. Because of the band, because of what happened with her.

Willow broke the moment by focusing on the jar where they kept their beads, rummaging in it for the next bead. They thought they heard a small sigh coming from August, but sighing seemed very un-August-like, so they had to be imagining it. "So… What do you do when you're not playing the drums and following a group of strangers on a months long tour?" August laughed softly, Willow loved it when they laughed like this. "Hmm… I guess I like watching movies, I had a lot of free time to go to the cinema when I wasn't practicing." "Ah, so you're like a cinephile?" August cringed playfully at that description. "If you have to call it that. Sounds a bit pretentious though."

"I was never good at watching movies." Willow picked up various beads checking how they looked with the ones already threaded. "I get distracted, I have a hard time following the plot. I keep asking questions. It always annoys the heck out of Iris." Willow flashed August their teeth. They should have stopped talking, considering they just tried to lighten the atmosphere, but it was hard to stop themselves around August. "But… if we ever get the chance, we should watch some movies you like together." Willow realized that once again they sounded like a shy teenager. August didn't seem to mind, they rewarded Willow with a genuine smile. "I'll think of one with clowns, just for you." Willow couldn't help the giggle that escaped them.

"Ok, I think I'm done." Willow grabbed the thread out of August's hand. They lifted it up close to August's neck, with a question in their eyes. When August nodded, Willow reached around carefully, trying hard not to touch their skin. The colorful beads presented themselves beautifully on August's slender neck. Willow found themselves lost, staring at their throat wondering how the skin would feel to touch. "Do you like it?" August was looking at them beneath their eyelashes, the intensity of their gaze making Willow's skin heat up once again. The question swirled in Willow's head. They did like it. All of it.

"I like you." Willow felt like the words left them out without their permission. Maybe they've been holding them in too long, they had to be said out loud now. Willow almost melted when August smiled at them again. "I like you too." August lifted up their hand to bring it to Willow's face. Willow's head was spinning and all of the thoughts that attacked them earlier, seemed to be pushed away due to their closeness. August placed their hand on Willow's cheek, their thumb caressing Willow's hot skin softly. It would finally happen, that evening on the tour bus. August leaned in slowly, searching for something in Willow's face. "Willow…" They closed their eyes anticipating to feel August's lips on their own.

Willow wasn't sure if they lost feeling in their whole body, but the sensation never came. When they opened their eyes, August wasn't even looking at them anymore, their eyes gazing at something… someone beyond Willow's shoulder, their expression unreadable. Willow looked back, just for their whole body to tense when they realized the situation the three of them found themselves in.

Seven was standing at the entrance, in a band t-shirt Willow recognized from years ago, hair messy without her usual bandana. Her face… there was a lot happening on her face when her eyes met with Willow. Willow wasn't sure if they could understand any of it. Disgust, anger. Regret? The skin on Willow's wrist started burning. Guilt filled their whole body. August- the ever reasonable August- untangled themselves from Willow, putting some space between both of them. Seven and Willow were stuck in a fucked up starting match for moments longer, but whatever Seven saw in Willow's eyes - she didn't like it.

So many thoughts filled Willow's head. So many things they wished they could tell Seven. They used to be able to tell her everything. They had no secrets from each other. Seven should hear every conclusion Willow came to over the years. How they still didn't understand what happened between them, and that it was killing Willow everyday. How they should never had became a couple. How bad they were for each other. How much Willow missed their best friend.

How strongly Willow wished they could start this new thing with August without the baggage of what they had with Seven.

Seven turned on her heel returning to where she came from, without gazing back.

Willow and August sat in silence for what felt like minutes, the space between them cold now. Willow couldn't bring themselves to look up at them, remorse and embarrassment dancing in their head. They thought they heard August saying that they are heading to bed, but Willow could've imagined it. When they finally pulled themselves out of the trance, they were alone. They carefully tied the beaded necklace, deciding, that if this tour will find some kindness for them soon, they will give it to August in better circumstances.

Notes:

Regarding Willow's relationship to Seven, they are moved on romantically but they really want to be friends again really badly.