I guess your lips were the most addictive things that ever did grace mine more killing than nicotine and alcohol running thick in blood like a knife and I guess the THC chilled me out for a little while but I guess I was wrong on the comedown because it sure didn't help me rest and there's a lot to go before I rest I guess there were 3 hours that started it all face to screen to screen to face facing my worst anxieties about how the fuck did I ever end up in this place and those three hours turned to weeks maybe a month at least and I guess you were scared you would hurt me and maybe you were right but I'd never admit I was wrong, and nor would you so we just argued about my fate a bit you told me you would be bad for me my hand by your thighs, your lips almost on mine but fuck it I said, I didn't wanna believe it and I guess that's fine I'm a product of my destruction spinning round and my health reflects it always sick always sad but never mad no I'm never mad here's to choking on my own spit choking down my tears choking on how shits been these past few years you never believed when I said I'll be okay not that I did for a second but I believed that you'd be there no matter what I guess that feeling left me as my depression started to push you away it started as a good day but as it went on without you my thoughts came back and they asked me "where'd you go? I missed you so, please let me ruin you again tonight" and I blankly obliged because that's when I do when something takes over my life like my addiction to you and your lips and the liquor I sip and my obsession with cigs and nicotine because going a day without any of those is hard enough but a week's near impossible and I'm sorry that I don't care about my health but I promise you one day I will hopefully that or I'll be dead, and I'll let you stay long enough to see because these walls are built tight around me blocking all but a few people out blocking all but a few rays of sunlight out and when I'm dead I guess it'll become my grave because when I'm dead I don't wanna be remember for what little people saw I don't wanna be remembered much at all but I guess your thoughts on my mess are okay because even if for a day you were my world and I guess that became okay like me and my sickness or maybe my sicknesses I don't know if it's all caused by one thing or all caused by everything but they always seem to win anyway and maybe one day I'll find a meter to speak these words in but writings enough for now because one day you'll know but I don't know how and maybe one day I'll write a song to accompany my thoughts or maybe I won't maybe my body'll give in too soon for me to know because doctors scare me I'm scared they'll see past my indifferent fronts and weary eyes and see that most of my words are lies it's not deliberate just defense a fence put up to keep them out of inside my mind I tell them I'm fine but I know and you know that I lie but I never really liked saying goodbye and all those addictions that passed my lips, your lips being the worst to quit they were even worse to try to hide but one day I'll say goodbye to those too or they'll say goodbye to me and pass onto you or maybe someone else I don't know just don't trade your cigs for blow darling it'd fuck you up so I know I'm a mess and I won't deny it won't hide it for I'd be lying to you, to myself my family thinks all is good and well I guess all I ever wanted was affection but I never got enough to satisfy the cravings it left me with so I turned to my cancer sticks and shots instead oh please please please don't let my words get into your head because they're better unsaid and what I spoke of to you just left me fucking dead but I'm still here for now but I've tried to leave before and sometimes death still glares at me like an open door but I guess I'll be fine that's what you always said anyway

are you bisexual?