death & taxes

jesus fucking christ

when the teacher reading dr.seuss and you realize this dude had some fire in that book 

Jared Tyler

THESE HERE ARE CALLED SCOOBYWUFFERS AND THEY ARE THE BEST THING EVER MADE. NEVER HEARD OF THEM? THATS BECAUSE THEY ONLY EXIST IN BRITAIN. THEY COME IN TWO FLAVOURS AND THEY’RE MY FAVOURITE FOOD EVER. SOMETIMES I GO DOWN BY THE HARBOUR AND EAT THEM AFTER A HARD DAY OF LABOUR. THEY COME IN ALL KINDS OF COLOURS AND THERE’S A HOLE IN THE CENTRE OF THEM. BET YOU AMERICANS ARE PRETTY JEALOUS HUH

Did I show you all these pics of Rudolph

There was once a shul on the outskirts of Kiev overrun with mice, who ruined food and soiled seferim and kept the congregation at home out of disgust. The rabbi wrote to his cousin in Odessa to ask how to make sure the mice would leave and not return, and the cousin wrote back- ‘Bar mitzvah them, and they’ll only come back for Rosh Hashana and Yom Kippur!’ (There’s also a very.. Soviet version of this joke where he puts up a sign reading ‘COLLECTIVE FARM’ and the mice run away in a panic.) So if a mouse can be allowed a bar mitzvah, (and presumably they aren’t nearly as observant or diligent as the rabbi’s cat), why not a cat?

FUCK YOU

AND THE FACT THAT THIS FAMILY IS MORE MULTI CULTURAL THAN A PUBLIC SCHOOL HEALTH CLASS TEXTBOOK

when ur the substitute teacher for a class of 80,000 screaming girls