theo

I can’t get into noah kahan he sounds like hozier if hozier worked at buzzfeed in 2016

They say ooooh be a good boy for daddy and you'll get a reward. But then the reward is just gay sex. This is bullshit. I wanted a skateboard

Then they say if you're a bad boy daddy will punish you. But what's the punishment? More gay sex! You can't escape it. This whole damn place is in the pocket of Big Sex

I was gonna ask you- K- will you come to my fourth of July party this summer 🥺? Don't go to Dick's. Come to my party, we'll have so much fun, it's so substance, no one will know- K I don't want to do that- mmmm we could have a dream or even two 😍! Your brother will be completely alone... in the trunk of my car ✨ >:/ Maybe. Maybe.

“go to hell” is basic. “i hope the guy you have a repressed homophobic gay crush on spends days and nights that blur together dreaming up impossible things with you and then leaves the moment he’s gotten what he’s wanted to run back to the hetero rich guy you joke about him fucking except maybe it’s not a joke because he keeps choosing him over you again and again” is real. it’s possible. it’s terrifying. it happened to my good friend joseph kavinsky

the author’s thinly veiled nothing #notwriting #straightupnotwritingit

this is prime proof that this ENTIRE WEBSITE is autistic because nowhere else would a no tags post that's just an informative list about slang get this much traction.

Heartwarming story: Little girl doesn’t have to do anything to fund her dad’s surgery because his expenses are covered by his country’s universal healthcare.

Human determination: Man bikes 18 miles to work every morning because he wants to and not because he can’t afford a car and would be fired if he’s late.

Spirit of Brotherhood: Neighbors host housewarming party for elderly resident who doesn’t need help in paying rent because his pension is more than enough.

SO INSPIRING: Local middle school students bake dozens of cupcakes because their home economics class is doing a baking unit. Their school is fully funded with everything they need.

This feels like calibrating my normal detector

Fuuuck I just loss 20000 dollars in adverisement revenue and potential sales when that guy over there didn’t look at my flyer because he was talking to the girl he was walking with. The sensible option here is to ban talking while walking since it’s literally theft.

A truthberry might make you tell the truth... But a lieberry? A lieberry will loan you books

if you've ever gone on a romantic "date" at olive garden just block me rn i literally can't deal with you proshippers -_-

what

when you're there you're family

the writer's beautiful and cleverly utilized fetish