My Cat is a Fancy Gentleman

I have been listening to country music my entire life. At first because I had no choice. It was the only music deemed appropriate for child ears. But then because I genuinely loved it. I love all music in general. And for the past 15 years, I have been getting increasingly frustrated with the way people talk shit about the genre as a whole. Especially when it's so blatantly obvious that they've maybe only listened to one or two songs or basing their opinion on whatever is currently at the top of the charts. I'm gonna be so honest. A lot of the new country music that's been coming out the last few years IS trash. Newer artists either don't have any respect for the roots of the genre or they don't even know what they are and assume it's patriotic bullshit and go from there. But the entire genre itself is not the problem. No genre of music as a whole is a problem. There are problematic songs and the problematic people who write and perform them in literally every genre of music. I do not judge entire genres based off of what some of the people in it have done or what almost everyone in it has done at some point in time. And I wish no one else would either. Country music isn't just trucks and beer and women and patriotism. Country music has some of the most anti-government songs you'll ever hear if you actually listen. Man in Black by Johnny Cash is an excellent example. And it has some of the most heartbreaking love songs like He Stopped Loving Her Today by George Jones. And there are absolutely amazing women in the genre that don't get nearly enough credit for helping build the foundation of what it became. Patsy Cline, Loretta Lynn, June Carter Cash, Dottie West, Kitty Wells, Tammy Wynette, and Dolly Parton are just the women I can think of off the top of my head. If you don't actually listen to the music, you don't get to judge it. And I'm tired of having to defend myself as if it's my fault that a bunch of shitty right wingers became popular in a genre that was never about patriotism to begin with, but dismantling corrupt systems and fighting back.

Sometimes I remember that nobody asked me if I wanted to exist and I get a little annoyed about it. I probably would have said yes, despite the inevitable chronic pain. There are fluffy animals and they're really cute. I like hanging out with them. But I like having options.

I have a full time job. My full time job is going to doctor's appointments to find out what else is wrong with me. I really wish doctors would stop doing bloodwork and xrays and cts and mris to find out what else is wrong with me. The only thing I've really told them has been when they asked the routine question of "are you on any pain today" and I've said something along the lines of "yeah chronic pain be chronic-ing." And now everyone's annoyed that no one's gotten back xrays for 15 years and no one has ever taken hip xrays of me and I probably need another ct and mri of my head and might as well tack some more bloodwork on while we're at it. And my mom is sitting there mumbling about how she just knew it was my hips and the stupid pediatrician didn't listen to her and she hadn't known what to do and maybe she can find a way to sue him. And I'm just. Exhausted. I'm going to appointment after appointment after appointment. Between physical therapy, therapy, primary care, specialists, and attempting to recover from both burnout and surgery, I'm just exhausted. Mentally, physically, emotionally. And it's impacting my memory. I feel like I'm back to where I was a year after the embolism. I can't keep up with conversations. I can't keep track of time at all. Five hours seems like five minutes. I often can't remember what was happening 5 - 10 minutes ago. I almost walked out of the house without my cane, which I have to use for balance especially when I get tired, and my keys. I don't ever remember trying to leave my house without my keys. In my usual time-to-go routine, they're the first thing I grab before I do anything else. It keeps me on task and I have to lock up behind me. All I want to do right now is just find a way to let someone else - anyone else - go to these appointments for me and deal with it. I know it's not possible because it's my body and I'm stuck to it. But I wish it was. I need a break. A really long break.