What Even Is Life Anymore?

Cordelia suspected that Sherlock and James were more than 'just friends' when he appeared at their house, just because Sherlock asked it of him. She knew it almost confidently when he helped Sherlock look after her immediately after. She knew it for certain when James was trusted to tell her that her husband was evil, and he did it, no questions asked, and with concern for the safety of Sherlock, not his sanity.

Silas suspected that Sherlock and James were more than 'just friends' when he saw James storm away from the house, only to be back a handful of hours later, smiling at Sherlock as if nothing had happened, and he had never been angry in the first place. He knew it for certain when James followed Sherlock all the way to Constantinople, when he could have stayed in England where it was safe, could have stayed in Paris where he was distracted, could have said no at any point...

Beatrice suspected that Sherlock and James were more than 'just friends' back in Oxford, when James immediately stuck up for Sherlock and ran with him to go get drunk in a library. She knew it for certain in Constantinople that their weakness could be eachother despite the difference in morality, and it was something that could be exploited.

James suspected that his relationship with Sherlock was different than with others the second that he quoted The Art of War. He knew it for certain when Sherlock lay, almost dying, in his arms, and he had to re-evaluate what his life would be like without Sherlock being there in any capacity, and it made him panic.

Sherlock suspected that his relationship with James was different than with others when they quickly became close, constantly hovering around eachother, and suspected it even further when James broke him out of prison despite several dangers.

HOWEVER

it is so important to me that colt introduces ryland to jody with the twin prank?

he'd call up ryland on the weekend and be like "you know that favour you owe me? do you wanna meet jody?" and ryland would grumble about it but then show up at colt's apartment later in the afternoon.

colt would make him put on some of his clothes, and the whole time ryland is just trying to convince colt that "there's no way this is going to work, this literally hasn't worked once since we were ten, we don't even have the same haircut anymore" and colt's like "i'm all over it, i texted jody earlier that i got a haircut, this will totally work" and they bicker about it until there's a knock on the door.

ryland hands colt his glasses and colt DIVES behind the couch (ryland does not like how flippant he's being with his glasses considering he has to drive home later) to watch without arousing suspicion (be so fr colt).

Nightwing, landing on a rooftop where Red Hood's speaking to one of his subordinates: yo, Hood, what's going on?

Jason: hey. just getting the report for that secret shopper thing i was gonna do with the Wayne kids.

Subordinate: yeah... uh, why are Bruce Wayne's kids taking part in this again?

Jason, without missing a beat: because non of their neighbours need their laws mowed and Brucie says it's important for kids their ages to start learning the responsibility of having a job. anyway, Damian was up tonight, right? who was he buying from, 'cause i already know they failed.

Subordinate: yeah, Rick let the kid buy from him, so he needs to be punished i guess. bought two eighths of weed and an ounce of coke without Rick even blinking.

Jason, frowning: yeah, call that guy up for me to 'speak' to-

Jason:

Jason: wait Damian bought what?

Subordinate: ...two eighths of weed and an ounce of coke?

Jason:

Dick: what's wrong?

Jason, shooting off a grapple: that little shit only gave me back the weed-

~

Jason: *crying with laughter in the middle of the street*

Dick, landing nearby: ...you ok Hood?

Jason: *wheezing*

Duke, faintly, from Jason's phone: ITS NOT FUNNY.

Dick: what's happened?

Jason: Duke- *wheeze* Duke was supposed to do his secret shopper assignment tonight, but he didn't read the memo properly and tried to buy from a group of four of my guys as Signal instead of himself,

Duke: -SHUT UP JASON.

Jason: *still struggling to breathe* so he- so he rocked up and asked to buy as Signal, and my guys all assumed he was arresting them for possession,

Dick: oh my god.

Jason: they dropped him everything they fucking had and bolted, and now he's panicking on the other end of Crime Alley because four peoples' entire product inventory is too much for him to carry in one go and he's scared of leaving any behind for kids to wander across, so he's- *collapses into more laughter*

Dick, in awe: he's just stuck guarding it?!

Duke, from Jason's phone, incredibly distressed: THE RATS ARE CIRCLING IN. I'M NOT USUALLY OUT THIS LATE. SOMEBODY NEEDS TO COME AND FUCKING HELP ME-

Jason: *loses it*

~

Dick: hey, Tim did his secret shopper thing tonight, right? how'd that go?

Jason: *head in his hands*

Dick: ...did the guy fail?

Jason, muffled: no.

Dick: then what happened?

Jason: i had him try to buy from the same guy as Damian, to see if he'd 'learned his lesson', and he refused to sell to Tim point blank.

Dick: ok...?

Jason: but then Tim got offended that he'd sold to Damian and not him, so he pulled a gun on the guy and robbed him instead.

Dick:

Dick: the fuck did he get a gun from-

Jason: i don't fucking know Dick.

~

*Dick and Jason getting food on patrol when Steph calls Jason*

Steph: so i did the thing and it didn't work but i don't think it didn't work because i'm a kid.

Jason: ...what do you mean?

Steph: well i walk up to these two guys and ask to buy, right? and they say sure, what do you want? and i go 'four', and these guys say 'four what' and i'm like ??? the fuck do you think? four drugs. and-

Jason: *puts his head in his hands as Dick chokes on his hotdog*

Steph: -they look at me like i'm the fucking idiot, like, you should know how to count if you're gonna be a drug dealer, it's not like you guys have cash registers to help you out, right? and they start arguing with me and telling me that clearly i'm already high—which, fuck you guys, my makeup is awesome tonight, i do not look like i did it while high, how dare you! so i said maybe they're high and i should call their boss and snitch for stealing his supply, and they were like 'nuh uh blondie, nuh uh!' all mocking and shit, so i kicked one guy in the balls and the other guy grabbed me and now they won't let me leave until i prove that you sent me.

Jason:

Dick: *crying*

Steph, brightly: so yeah, if you could come pick me up~

They wear suits, but they don't even know basic etiquette.

So far we have: domesticated James Moriarty, Sherlock vs. Nightmares, Brutus' adventures at Appleton, Mycroft and Cordelia's reactions, and Brutus interrupting intimidation!

There might also be a third chapter, featuring Brutus' first Christmas with the detectives, and potentially a surprise <3