🐾 GRAB THIS, SARGE! 🐾

I'm in a little local cafe and the women behind the counter started griping to each other, "Oh Christ, Stephen's back again," "It's him, is it? I thought he'd stopped coming," "It's definitely him, look, it's bloody Stephen on a Thursday morning," "Do you want me to get rid of him or are you going to do it?" and so I was peering outside, trying to spot this nightmare customer, this pestilence of a person, this pox upon the cafe trade, and then one of the women from behind the counter ran outside, clapping two trays together loudly and yelling "GET OUT OF IT, STEPHEN!" and it turns out that Stephen is an absolutely gigantic fuck-off seagull who hangs around outside, menacing people for crumbs

dead wife who was MEAN and slept without a TOP SHEET and only went to the beach when it was OVERCAST to SCOWL at the waves

i must say, i am a huge fan of when a book is in the middle of a very exciting plot containing many interesting problems when out of nowhere for a few pages it's like, "hey by the way, real quick, here's a detailed explanation of the city's water filtration system! i'm telling you this for a reason and you should worry about it. anyway! haha okay back to the plot" and you just get to be Scared for a while

YOUR EMAIL FINDS ME ON THE FIELD OF BATTLE

Klingon auto-reply

I love that this joke works in English even though it's not written in English.

I have to defend every woman in ASOIAF (even the ones I don’t like) simply because of how misogynistic the fandom is on ALL platforms.

1920s gangster voice: when you stare into the boid the boid stares back

Have been watching the tree swallows for ~3600 years. Wonderful. May we get another ~3600.

Full On Puppy Dog Storm With Puppy Dog Rain