Aethirios

My god, that's the sweetest thing anyone has said to me to this date. 💖💖💖

Me: Hm? Like in Marvel?

Friend: Uhhh, He is from Marvel right? Or just like in general I guess....

Me: *deep breath* MJ, Harry, Gwen, Flash, Ned, Johnny, Matt, Silk, Felicia, Kitty, Deadpool, Harley Keener

Friend: Wait, what-

Me: *Continuing with a crazed look* Jason, Tim, Duke, Cass, Steph, Dick, Barbara, Damian (if they are aged similar), Kara, Kon, Superman Prime-

Friend: Ummm *slowly backs away*

Me: Harry Potter, Percy Jackson, Danny Phantom.....*continues reciting into the sunset*

_______

Y'all, I ship him with anything and everything ok???? As long as I see a good enough fanart or read a fanfic or heck, just a prompt? Bam! Shipped!

I'd imagine the Batkids following Alfred to see who this mystery lady is. Full-on detective mode cause this is Alfred we're talking about.

And maybe Peter drops May off at the restaurant and sticks around for a bit because he wants to catch a glimpse of the guy May has been so excited about.

The Batkids immediately clock this random guy who's suspiciously but also awkwardly trying to hide. Meanwhile, Peter's spider-sense is giving him a low-level warning, and he can practically feel multiple pairs of eyes on him.

This leads to a cat-and-mouse chase in the background, which eventually ends in a scuffle. Probably with Damian actively plotting murder.

That's when they hear an *ahem*.

They turn around to find Alfred and May glaring down at them.

Of course, both May and Alfred immediately apologize to each other for their stupid children.

The Batkids figure out pretty quickly that Peter is Spider-Man, mostly because he's kind of abysmal at hiding it.

Peter, meanwhile, figures out they're Gotham vigilantes because apparently those guys were Wyanes.

Once you suspect one billionaire of secretly running around in a mask, it's pretty easy to start connecting the dots. (What's with billionaires either being Heroes or straight up villians, where are the normal corrupt billionaires out there huh?) Add the fact that his spider-sense warned him about them in the first place, and it becomes pretty obvious they aren't exactly normal.

So now Alfred and May are officially dating, Spider-Man is occasionally being spotted in Gotham, and the Batkids keep showing up in New York.

At first, they mostly piss each other off, but they gradually start developing a begrudging respect for one another. Turns out spiders and bats make a pretty good team.

...Doesn't mean they stop bickering, though.

Spidey and Nightwing are absolutely insufferable whenever they start showing off. Peter spends half his time arguing with Tim about science. Jason, Duke, and Peter have an ongoing prankwar. Damian keeps switching between wanting a spar with Peter to straight up maiming him. Steph thinks the entire situation is the funniest thing she's ever witnessed.

Peter gets along great with Cass, though.

I mean... it's Cass.

And he gets along with Barbara because she's terrifying.

Honestly, all the girls are a little scary if you ask him.

Bruce is just happy for Alfred and genuinely appreciates May. He's happy to spend more time with them over lovely lunches and dinners, and he lets the kids sort out their own beef.

At the end of the day, they all end up with a little more family.

You know your fics are being dubbed?

????? Holy??? What? OMG!!!!!!

Damn, no, I did not know that. Wow. I feel like I reached a milestone of sort 😂😂😂

I'm super happy that it's reached way more people and that they are enjoying it! It was super fun to read all the comments, too.

And the whole of Batfam rushing to rescue this new guy in Gotham who got himself stuck with the worst of the insane Gotham has to offer.

When they do get to them, they find Joker either frothing at the mouth in anger or like close to tears due to shear frustration cause Spidey?

Spidey had webbed him up (and gagged him) and has been telling him jokes. Non stop. Just going at it. For hours.

______

“I mean,” Peter said with a shrug, “I used to sell pictures of myself for money. Maybe I should do it again.”

Tim nearly choked on his drink.

Steph blinked. “...What kind of pictures?”

Peter snorted. “The kind people paid stupid amounts for if I got caught in the middle of things.”

Duke’s eyes widened in horror.

Peter kept going, blissfully unaware.

“I mean, it wasn’t THAT bad. My... uh... sponsor made sure I was taken care of.”

Tim stared. “Your… sponsor.”

“Yeah,” Peter said casually. “Found me when I was fourteen.”

Dick’s voice exploded through the still-active phone call Tim had forgotten to hang up.

“WHAT.”

“Honestly, he kinda ghosted me after he was done with me though.”

Steph made a strangled noise somewhere between sympathy and fury.

Duke looked physically ill.

“To be fair,” Peter continued, “I DID crash his—”

He stopped.

“...Uh. I mean, I was involved in a plane crash. Uh. His plane.” Peter rubbed the back of his neck awkwardly. “He felt bad afterward and offered me a deal which i turned down?”

“What kind of deal?” Duke whispered.

Peter froze for a second too long before replying, “...An internship?”

Nobody believed him.

Not even remotely.

“After he died I spiraled a little,” Peter continued quietly. “Trusted the wrong guy.”

Tim’s stomach dropped.

Peter rubbed at his face tiredly.

“And then he uploaded a video of me to the internet.”

Jason’s voice immediately cut through Dick’s phone speaker, where he had been listening in on.

“HE WHAT?”

Steph slapped both hands over her mouth.

Duke looked ready to commit murder.

Tim had gone eerily still in the way Bruce usually did.

Peter noticed the silence and finally started looking uncertain.

Determining he should probably just finish the story, he continued, “I tried to fix it, but I screwed everything up and lost everyone.”

The room fell into horrified silence.

Peter looked around. Realized far too late that he had completely obliterated the mood. And promptly panicked.

“ANYWAY,” he announced way too loudly, “I’m broke again. Maybe I should start selling pics again, hahaha—”

“ABSOLUTELY NOT,” Duke said instantly.

“No,” Tim agreed immediately.

Somewhere on the other end of the line, Dick had gone suspiciously quiet with a darkened expression over his face that spelt trouble for the people that hurt his family, and Jason didn't feel like stopping him anytime soon.

And Peter....

------

Peter: Actually, my body can move without me.

Jason: ...Excuse me?

Peter: Yeah. My soul doesn't need to be in my body for it to keep moving.

Tim: Okay, no. Nuh uh. What does that sentence mean???

Peter: Which part?

Jason: THE PART WHERE YOU APPARENTLY DIE AND KEEP WALKING AROUND???

Peter: Oh my God, dramatic much? I don't die. I just got shoved out of my body—

Dick: What?

Peter: —but the other kept it running.

Silence.

Jason: The... other?

Tim: There is another... guy?

Peter: Well, actually, it might be a female? But no, more like... a presence.

Jason: There is a PRESENCE inside you.

Peter: Yeah! The Spider!

Bruce slowly lowers the newspaper he has absolutely not been listening behind.

Bruce: The Spider.

Peter: Mhm. I mean, there’s a reason I went with Spider-Man, you know? Unlike some people who are just straight-up furries. *side-eyes Bruce*

Steph makes a strangled choking noise trying not to laugh.

Jason: Peter. Define “The Spider.”

Peter: You know. The instinct. My conscious subconscious. The thing that pilots my body when I’m not home.

Dick: When you are not— *deep breath* Peter, has this “Spider” ever controlled your body without permission?

Peter: No? Technically, it only comes out when I can’t give permission? *laughs*

Everyone stares at him.

Peter: Okay, wow. Tough crowd. *checks his phone* Oh crap, gotta go.

Jason: Nope. You can’t just waltz out of this conversation.

Peter: Jeez. Why is this such a big deal?? You literally came back from the dead. *points to Dick* He has a prophecy about him. *points to Tim* And that one is missing a spleen!

Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Steph: *turn to Tim simultaneously* You are missing a spleen?????

Tim: Uhhhh, hey! I told you that in confidence! He is getting away! PETER!

--------

Inspired by Peter and Jason fucking with the Batfam by telling them Peter was in a cult in the fic Existential Crisis Mode.

Morgan is just learning to speak and she often does not identify people correctly. So Peter and Harley break their heads to come up with something easy to teach her. And so...

Tony : *Crawling out of his lab bleary-eyed squinting at the elaborate set up* What in the-

Harley: *Aggressively playing the guitar*

Peter: *Controlling a full on power point*

Together: *On full volume* BABY STARK DO DO DO DODO- BABY STARK DO DO DO-

*as the show her a picture of her self on the power point*

Morgan: *Happy baby noises*

Tony opens his mouth but shuts it as he decides he didn't wanna get involved in what ever the f that was and just walks away.

Pepper later tells him that they made an entire list of people including

Daddy Stark - Tony

Mommy Stark - Pepper

And so on and so forth which is diabolical to Tony.

But he is very pleased that Friday has recorded the whole thing and stores that whole thing in a special folder for future blackmail purposes.

You see, Alpha, Beta, and Omega are genders, right? Like Male and Female.

So every time someone screams, "Alpha!" Wouldn't it sound something equivalent to "Male!"??????

Like????

"Alpha, I've been waiting for you" or

"Please, Alpha?"

Is the equivalent of

"Male. I've been waiting for you" or

"Please, Male?"

......I guess it can also be Man/Woman kinda works?

Lol like, "Man, I've been waiting for ya" or "Please, man"

It kinda fits when the statements are derogatory. Sadly. But some sentences crack me up if i try and think what it would be like,

"Where are you going, Omega?" Sounds sultry while "Where are ya going, Women?" Or "Where are ya going, Man?" Just sounds hmmmmmmmm.

Peter knows about the Spider-Verse. He knows about Mayday. He has absolutely not told anyone in the Batfam because he legitimately forgot.

And Mayday? Mayday knows one thing very clearly, if she finds a dad (this world’s Spider-Man), she'll be able to find her dad......or find any Spider actually, Spiders are family after all, they'll know how to call Dad!

So she’s just… wandering Gotham. But well, Gotham doesn't exist without crimes. So of course she starts helping people.

Because she is, unfortunately, her father's daughter.

And that’s how Batman ends up with an armful of a child.

He apprehends a couple of muggers, turns around, and she is just… there. Clinging to him. She had climbed him like a tree. No hesitation. And had propped herself right into his arms.

Batman stares.

She stares back.

He goes, very carefully: “Who are you? Where are your parents?”

She immediately responds: “I’m lost! I’m looking for my dad!”

Batman: “…your dad.”

Mayday: “Yes! He’s a hero!”

Beat.

Mayday, looking curious: “Hey, did you get bitten by a radioactive bat?”

Batman narrows his eyes suspiciously because he has heard that exact sentence before. His eye starts twitching with premonition.

On comms, the Dick and Steph are losing it. Rest of the family is highly amused.

Meanwhile Peter, somewhere else, suddenly freezes, cause he recognizes that voice in the comms.

“…wait. No Way.”

“DO NOT MOVE,” he blurts. “I’M COMING. DO NOT MOVE—”

Batman: “You know this child?”

Peter: “YES—JUST—STAY RIGHT THERE—”

Five minutes later Spider-Man arrives, breathless.

Mayday sees him and immediately screams, “DADDY!!” and launches out of Batman’s arms straight into Peter’s.

Peter: “Oh my god oh my god are you okay how did you even—”

Batman, in the background: still holding empty air with blank eyes.

The Batfam on comms: actively crashing out.

Because excuse me.

Spider-Man has a CHILD???

Peter is too busy checking Mayday for injuries to notice the collective identity crisis happening around him.

“Where is your father?” he’s asking.

“I found you!” she replies proudly.

“That’s not— okay— but where is your other dad?”

This does not help anything. Cause everyone else has already started reaching for theories like, Teenage Pregnancy??? Custody Battle? Did the mother of the child remarry? What is even going on?

This is even more hilarious if Dick is Richard Parker. Cause he would be absolutely losing his mind. Like— took him ages to really connect with Peter. Thought they were getting close, but Peter has a child? That he never mentioned? What???

And when Peter brings her into the Batcave she immediately clocks Dick, turns to Peter and points and asks who that is. And Peter, distracted with trying to contact Peter B., just says “My Dad.”

So she starts calling Dick Grandpa and gives him an aneurysm.

This all ends with Peter B. coming to pick her up and the Batfam takes one look at him and now has a whole new bunch of theories including clones???

And before he leaves Mayday yells, “Bye grandpa! Bye great grandpa!”

And Peter B. is just so done at this point that he just looks up at them and is like, “Ohhh. Uh, bye dad 👋”

And fucking leaves.

Aww hey, Thanks! This means a lot to me!

I'm not into writing and God knows I have enough commitment issues to never finish a fic if I started but these plot bunnies just kept multiplying in my head and would have suplexed my brain to get out so I settled for Tumblr 😂.

Jason: *Rummaging through the closet* Hey Pete! Didn't know you had a black version of your suit!

Peter: *stops in his tracks and does a slow turn towards Jason* What?

Jason: *Pointing at Venom * This! Kinda edgy but I like it, kinda intimidating if ya ask-

Peter: * Polite smile with his eye twitching * Hey Jason? Just hold on for a second ok???

Jason: * Seeing Peter speed walking outta the room and then speed walking back in with-* Peter? Is that a FLAMETHROWER????? Peter- PETER PUT THAT DOWN

And so it's just absolute chaos as Jason tries to prevent peter from burning down the house in a rampage.

But then he suddenly sees what he thought was a suit slither over trying to escape through the window which peter follows right after?

And he is just standing there watching Peter chase this black goo with bone deep exasperation and decides it not worth it and just goes to sleep.

Maybe he'd have to prove himself first but after they notice that he actually cares? That his kindness is genuine? And his classes are actually fun???? That's it. He is theirs now.

(Before I start, pls know that I know nothing abt how schools work in America lol, and for this idea's sake, the bat kids all go to the same school)

So like, somehow Peter gets a job as a teacher and has run ins with the Bat kids? And I'd imagine he could hold a conversation with Tim easily on some crazy stuff or him unintentionally discussing something about photons or something that gives Duke new ideas on how to use his powers.

Or something on biology or anatomy with Damian. Especially if Damian is at a wanting to be a doctor in the future phase.

And kinda becomes a mentor sort of figure that the kids bounce ideas off of? And he just randomly finds them starting to hang around him? Cause he is a genius but also really fun to be around, like him and Steph are a terror together.

And on Peter's end, he kinda becomes protective of em. And when he finds bruises on them or them being outright hurt makes for a hell of a parents teacher conference moment.

I could just imagine Peter going off on Bruce cause of some misunderstandings and Dick is just loosing it in the background.

Oh and Peter goes on a date with Jason cause they matched on a dating app? (Cause I can't get over Jason having an account in WFA lmao) And it goes pretty well and they start dating.

I can just imagine the bat kids first reaction being weirded out cause of the "Seeing teacher out of school" syndrome. But eventually, he becomes more of a family than ever.

I think it'd be pretty funny if like, Venom and Plastic Man beefed on who could make better clothing and with poor peter just stuck in-between the two.

------

Peter made one mistake.

One.

The Justice League needed someone undercover at a gala, Peter was broke as hell, running on three hours of sleep, so when Venom puffed up proudly with a booming

WE CAN DO FORMAL.

Peter had said, “...Sure.”

Big mistake.

Because Venom immediately flowed over him into an insanely sharp black suit. Tailored fit. And Honestly? It was nice

Unfortunately tho, Plastic Man was standing right there

He looked Peter up and down, narrowed his eyes, and went, “Oh, so that’s what we’re doing.”

Then shifted into the most offensively chic white suit Peter had ever seen.

And thus began the world’s pettiest fashion war between two shapeshifters with the emotional maturity of middle schoolers.

This continued well beyond the mission.

Every gala. Every briefing. Every patrol.

They kept trying to outdo each other at every possible opportunity.

And Peter? Peter was just the unwilling mannequin caught in the middle.

Which is how Peter eventually found himself in the middle of an active alien invasion, standing on a battlefield while Venom kept changing Peter’s suit to one-up Plastic Man, who was aggressively color-swapping his own, turning the whole thing into some deeply cursed version of the Aurora dress scene from sleeping beauty