#redspider

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The bats are on patrol and it's a pretty slow night. Doesn't mean it's quite, not with the ongoing banter that's taking place in the comms.

It's mostly just Dick, egging the others on their relationship status and Tim was just about done with him, he'd like to be left alone thank you very much, like:

Dick: Tim. Come on. There's nobody? Not even a little date?

Tim: There's nobody, there's no time, and I wouldn't know what to do with a relationship if I had one. Can we move on.

Dick: You'd figure it out—

Tim: How, Dick? I'm running four cases, I average on two hours of sleep, and I'm currently crouched on a rooftop in 30 degree weather. I'm not exactly in a position to meet someone. They'd have to literally fall out of the sky—

A glowing orange portal rips open above Gotham. There is exactly one second of stunned silence before—

"OH COME ON—"

A guy plummets thirty feet before slamming into the pavement a few feet away from Tim.

Tim: ........

Dick: ........

Tim: Shut It

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Spider & red Robin EP:1

[story collection] <-more stories here

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Wayne Manor, Main Hall — 7:37 PM

“YOU HAVE A BOYFRIEND!?” Jason Todd’s voice echoed through the halls like someone had found a Joker bomb in the Batcave.

“Tim has a boyfriend?” Damian repeated, like the word itself offended his bloodline.

“I was just checking your Instagram, and boom—there he was,” said Steph, barely holding back laughter as she turned her phone to show the photo: Tim Drake, faint blush, leaning into the chest of a guy with glasses, messy hair, and biceps that could bench press Bane.

“We didn’t hack him,” Barbara added from behind the Batcomputer, sipping tea. “Technically, we just followed a trail. Some public, some… less public. And some password-protected.”

Dick let out a long, tired sigh. He ran a hand through his hair, trying to channel his inner older-brother patience before this became a full-blown family meltdown.

“Tim. Why didn’t you tell us?”

Tim stood at the doorway, looking up from his phone. Hoodie on, hair a mess, and under-eye circles that screamed “finals week + crime-fighting.”

“Are we really doing this now?”

“Yes,” said Jason, arms crossed. “We want answers. Who’s the hot librarian with gym-rat arms?”

“Been dating him for two months,” Tim shrugged. “If none of you noticed I had a nerdy, sweet, ridiculously hot boyfriend… that’s not on me.”

Silence.

Damian looked personally offended. Jason looked torn between teasing and admiring the guy. Dick looked exhausted.

Then came a soft clack. A second-floor window slid open. A figure in a red-and-blue hoodie landed on the upstairs balcony and entered like it was just another Tuesday.

Peter Parker rubbed his eyes, yawned like a cat who'd pulled a double shift, and shuffled inside.

“I’ve been pulling back-to-back patrols. You know what that does to a body with the circadian rhythm of a raccoon on espresso?” he mumbled. “I just want to take my boyfriend to bed. Hug him like a hyper-caffeinated pillow. Sleep. That’s it.”

Everyone stared.

Peter blinked.

“Oh. You guys must be the brothers-in-law.”

“…Multiversal?” Barbara asked.

“What?” Peter replied.

“What?” Damian echoed.

“WHAT!?” everyone shouted—except Tim.

“Oh. Right.” Peter scratched his neck. “Uh… you didn’t know I’m Spider-Man? From another universe?”

Tim rolled his eyes.

“Great. You find out everything today.”

Peter walked over and picked Tim up like a sarcastic weighted blanket.

“C’mon, Red Robin. Time to sleep. No more crime maps. No more casework. You’re mine now. Shhh.”

And just like that, with his boyfriend slung over one arm and a stunned Batfam watching in disbelief, Peter started toward the stairs like nothing was weird.

“Anyone else need a hug? I’ve got radioactive energy to spare,” he called without looking back.

Jason scratched his head. “You know what? I like him.”

Damian grunted. “I hate to admit it… but same.”

Dick sighed, finally smiling. “At least someone’s helping him rest.”

Steph nodded. “And sleeping Tim is a public service.”

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(This fic was brought to you by sleep deprivation, caffeine, and way too many headcanons.)

Peter: Don't be dramatic, Tim, my dad won't do anything to you.

Tim: Your dad hates me, Peter. The last time we met, he growled at me and said he'd throw me off the roof we were on.

Peter: Matt wouldn't do that.

Tim: Yes, he would.

Matt appears behind Tim: Yes, I would.

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Peter, looking at Steph and Kate: If I had a coin for every time a purple-clad heroine glitter-bombed me, I'd have two.

Peter: Which isn't a lot, but it's weird that it's happened twice.

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Clint: I don't get why you're bothered.

Matt:...

Clint: They're good people, and you've met Tim, the kid is great with Peter.

Matt:...It's not that, I know they're good people.

Clint: So?

Matt: I know, but Clint...

Clint: What?

Matt:...They're rich.

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Bruce and Matt stare at each other:

Bruce: ...hm

Matt: ...hm

Peter and Tim watch the interaction:

Tim, whispering to Peter: Do you think they're getting along?

*An unintelligible grunt is heard in the background, clearly from Matt*

Peter: No, I don't think so.

__________________

Bonus:

Peter: Okay, let's get to the introductions.

Peter: Aunt Nat, this is Tim's awesome sister, Cassandra.

Peter: Cass, this is my wonderful and totally not intimidating aunt, Natasha.

Nat: :)

Cass: :)

Peter, half paying attention: Sure, I'd totally ride you.

Tim: W-WHAT?