Spidey dropping random facts that ironically makes the bats conclude that there was a cult related trauma involved like:
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Peter: Actually, my body can move without me.
Jason: ...Excuse me?
Peter: Yeah. My soul doesn't need to be in my body for it to keep moving.
Tim: Okay, no. Nuh uh. What does that sentence mean???
Peter: Which part?
Jason: THE PART WHERE YOU APPARENTLY DIE AND KEEP WALKING AROUND???
Peter: Oh my God, dramatic much? I don't die. I just got shoved out of my body—
Dick: What?
Peter: —but the other kept it running.
Silence.
Jason: The... other?
Tim: There is another... guy?
Peter: Well, actually, it might be a female? But no, more like... a presence.
Jason: There is a PRESENCE inside you.
Peter: Yeah! The Spider!
Bruce slowly lowers the newspaper he has absolutely not been listening behind.
Bruce: The Spider.
Peter: Mhm. I mean, there’s a reason I went with Spider-Man, you know? Unlike some people who are just straight-up furries. *side-eyes Bruce*
Steph makes a strangled choking noise trying not to laugh.
Jason: Peter. Define “The Spider.”
Peter: You know. The instinct. My conscious subconscious. The thing that pilots my body when I’m not home.
Dick: When you are not— *deep breath* Peter, has this “Spider” ever controlled your body without permission?
Peter: No? Technically, it only comes out when I can’t give permission? *laughs*
Everyone stares at him.
Peter: Okay, wow. Tough crowd. *checks his phone* Oh crap, gotta go.
Jason: Nope. You can’t just waltz out of this conversation.
Peter: Jeez. Why is this such a big deal?? You literally came back from the dead. *points to Dick* He has a prophecy about him. *points to Tim* And that one is missing a spleen!
Bruce, Dick, Jason, and Steph: *turn to Tim simultaneously* You are missing a spleen?????
Tim: Uhhhh, hey! I told you that in confidence! He is getting away! PETER!
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Inspired by Peter and Jason fucking with the Batfam by telling them Peter was in a cult in the fic Existential Crisis Mode.
The thing about Peter, tho, is that he is so much more convincing when he is not even trying lololol
