the girls are fightingggggg [readjusts my glasses, squinting] by god… it appears i was mistaken. they're…my goodness…by god

I’m not trying to turn your kids trans; that’s stupid. I’m trying to turn them into socialists.

#for real tho! their gender is their business but class struggle is everyone’s business

God can you imagine if Donald Trump became president? There’d be like a new bubonic plague and he’d be like “idk drink bleach about it”

Throwback to when I took acid for the first time in 2013 and predicted the events of 2020 like the fucking oracle of Delphi

love saying "question mark?" out loud when I'm talking about something i'm unsure of

They hate me for my redundancies. And also for my tendency to say the same thing but in slightly different ways. And for my repetition of phrases. And for my redundancies.

met a woman today whose original real actual given-at-birth first name is "Vendetta." ma'am are you aware you are a videogame protagonist and/or a character in a skullduggery pleasant novel. real quick sorry to bother you miss but who exactly were your parents expecting you to avenge in their name

the worst part is I can't dare ask her that last question because then she might say something like "You don't remember, do you?" and pull out a katana and obviously I'm not stupid enough to take that risk

It’s my mom’s birthday celebrate that instead. Happy birthday Mom.

She's looking out for you. Don't kill yourself for a company that defines you as an asset

if i were polyamorous id individually message everybody in my polycule saying i needed gas money

my parents trying to figure out what to get me for christmas