Advice From Child Abuse Survivors

13 year old? “movie with friends, most of the time?”

At 13, I could go see a movie any time I wanted, with or without friends, if I had the money for it and my homework etc were done.

PG movies - before the PG-13 rating - were understood to be “you can drop your 10-year-old and a friend off here with a few bucks for snacks, and they can watch the movie and then meet you back in the mall parking lot in a couple of hours.” That, of course, is if the theatre is more than a mile from home. Or more than half a mile from a bus stop. In those cases, kid might be expected to make their own way back home.

Kids under five are required to travel with a parent on the bus. Maybe under six. 8-year-olds are allowed to use public transit on their own. And when I was growing up, they did.

Not all the time. Not even often… except for getting to & from school. But there were kids who were plenty comfortable walking three blocks to the bus stop and taking the bus three miles into town to visit their friends, and then take the bus back home.

An 18-year-old “probably” “allowed” to “travel overnight with friends?” FUCK NO.

An 18-year-old (in the US) is legally allowed to move out, move in with friends, go on a road trip solo for six months, get a lousy job, quit a lousy job, attend whatever school they can afford that will accept them, and, ahem, move to Finland if they have the appropriate documentation and financial resources.

Parents may or may not support that kind of decision, which may mean they won’t have the money to do so. But saying “a person really should be even older than legal adult to make decisions about what to do with their life….” AARGH.

You have been living nothing but real life. You had a real life experience of surviving in abusive environment. You have lived a reality of existing next to an abuser. There is nothing unreal or fake about your experiences, your abusive home is no bubble, it’s a real, definite hell that you went thru. There’s no question of you surviving in real life, you literally were surviving the worst of it already. You proved you are capable of surviving the worst of the worst, being in presence of a predator who was capable of brainwashing and manipulating you to keep you scared and unbelieving in your own senses and experiences. 

Children need to be able to socialize with same-age peers, and they need to do it without adult supervision to form independence and mature into self-sufficient adults. 

“Appropriate control becomes overcontrol when the mother restrains her child ten years later, long after the child is perfectly able to cross the street alone. Children who are not encouraged to do, to try, to explore, to master, and to risk failure, often feel helpless and inadequate. Over-controlled by anxious, fearful parents, these children often become anxious and fearful themselves. This makes it difficult for them to mature. When they develop through adolescence and adulthood, many of them never outgrow the need for ongoing parental guidance and control. As a result, their parents continue to invade, manipulate, and frequently dominate their lives. The fear of not being needed motivates many controlling parents to perpetuate this sense of powerlessness in their children. These parents have an unhealthy fear of the “empty nest syndrome,” the inevitable sense of loss that all parents experience when their children finally leave home. So much of a controlling parent’s identity is tied up in the parental role that he or she feels betrayed and abandoned when the child becomes independent.” from Emotionally Toxic Parents by Susan Forward

this is the money i have until my financial aid refund drops in september. until then, i have a $130/month phone bill (necessary to not die) and about $50/month in insurance (only slightly less necessary not to die). on top of that, my (abusive) grandfather suddenly changed his mind after i told him i was broke and decided i owe him $1000 that he previously told me not to worry about. despite me living with him as his unpaid home care worker, he’s the type who would gleefully see me homeless for spite. this all comes as i’m attempting to find a therapist and a psychiatrist to deal in part with the ptsd he and my grandmother left me with and in part with the various other disorders that make me suicidal. if anyone can help me not go into the negative for the next few months, the generosity would be infinitely appreciated

this is the money i have until my financial aid refund drops in september. until then, i have a $130/month phone bill (necessary to not die) and about $50/month in insurance (only slightly less necessary not to die). on top of that, my (abusive) grandfather suddenly changed his mind after i told him i was broke and decided i owe him $1000 that he previously told me not to worry about. despite me living with him as his unpaid home care worker, he’s the type who would gleefully see me homeless for spite. this all comes as i’m attempting to find a therapist and a psychiatrist to deal in part with the ptsd he and my grandmother left me with and in part with the various other disorders that make me suicidal. if anyone can help me not go into the negative for the next few months, the generosity would be infinitely appreciated