Hello! Honest question here. Iâve historically referred to my brother as low-functioning because heâs non-verbal, unable to drive, needs help brushing his teeth, etc. But itâs never been about âcuringâ him or not listening to him, my parents are very attentive to his needs while also allowing him the autonomy of an adult. What is a more appropriate way to refer to this part of the spectrum then?
So this is a bit long and I'm sorry, I couldn't figure out how to shorten it without skipping stuff I think is important.
The whole point of skipping functioning labels is that we don't want to group people like that. Replacing "low functioning" with some other label that meant the same thing wouldn't be treating your brother with any more respect than calling him "low functioning" does. The problem is the connotations that come with that type of label.
When people hear "low functioning autistic person" they think "burden". Labelling people this way tends to make them sound like a disability first and a person second, like their needs and how those needs affect others are more important than who they are as a person, and even if you don't mean to connote that, people will still take a cue from it and act like your brother is more of a burden than a person.
You can just say your brother's autistic, and bring up that he's nonspeaking or that he doesn't drive or needs help with certain things when those things are actually relevant.
As someone who's been considered "low functioning" at times by various professionals I'd personally really hate to hear a family member casually describe me that way - it feels dehumanizing and like just unnecessarily unkind to mention my limitations in the first breath of talking about me. Don't you think you'd feel kind of bad if someone in your family was describing you and led with the things that are hard for you?
Like "Tina's my sister who can't make phone calls and keeps having bad relationships" or "Josh is my brother, he lives with my parents because he keeps getting fired from jobs" - Like hopefully you wouldn't say that kind of thing when you first bring up the important people in your life.
Maybe eventually you'd confide, compassionately, about what your family members' needs are with someone you are close to, but on casual mention I'm hoping you wouldn't tell people their business or speak like the things that are hard for them are more relevant than the reasons you love them.
So maybe give your autistic brother the same dignity you'd hopefully give you an abled sibling who needed a lot of support and mention what he's like and how he fits into your life without rushing to describe his limitations when they aren't actually relevant.
Like for example literally no one needs to know he needs help brushing his teeth except people who help him. He deserves privacy about things people generally keep private, and he deserves for it to be chill that he can't drive or w/e the same way an abled person shouldn't have their lack of driving ability made a big deal of.
You can even say "I have to go home to help my brother out, he's autistic and my family doesn't like to leave him alone in case he needs anything" without calling him "low functioning" or saying "I might have to help him brush his teeth if my parents don't get home before 10."
But if you're just mentioning you have a brother you can be like, "Yeah, that's Brian, I love him to death, he makes these amazing paintings/he loves music/he dances a lot and there's so much joy in it" or whatever instead of "That's Brian, he's low functioning so he lives with our parents."
Like I'm not explaining this well necessarily but like, even if your brother is nonspeaking it's likely that he can hear and understand some amount of what's said around, about, and to him.
It seems obvious that you love your brother. One way you can show him that is to talk about him like he's a complex person you care about first, and mention his needs as a casual thing when they're relevant. An abled person's needs are treated like they're normal - no one rushes to describe you by saying that you need glasses, or that you don't always cook for yourself, or anything else that you need to function. Let his be normal too.
"I'm picking my brother up cuz we're going to the beach" doesn't need to be about the fact that your brother can't drive, or that he might hum the whole way, or that afterward somebody else might put his towel in the wash. It can just be chill. You love your brother and you're going to the beach. His needs are normal and fine and not worth remarking on unless they become relevant.
Does that make sense?
(other autistic people please add on in reblogs/replies if you have something to say on this, I feel like I didn't really explain everything v well)
