🖤O L I V I A🖤

it's okay to disappoint people

it's okay to work slowly

it's okay to let yourself rest

it's okay to drop projects

Stop treating yourself like you are the workers at a fast food franchise.

This happens during the no regrets timeline cause it's the only place I could make the forced to spar to work.

Thank you @ladycheesington for helping me with this <3

Making an example

Levi x fem reader

Canon world during no regrets.

How was it that a country girl like you had a better score? The trainer was bitter, very bitter when he saw your record. He felt like he was pathetic compared to a girl like you. An example had to be made, and he knew just the person to do that for him.

Levi was a beast of a man. He was pure muscle with impressive skills. Beating you would be so easy for Levi; he could do it in his sleep. It was the perfect setup. Normally, you would spar with Isabel, but he made sure she was sent somewhere else to work.

As soon as you turned up for training, you looked nervous to see that there were only men. "Um...Did I get the wrong day?"

The trainer approached you. "No, you got here on the correct day. You are clearly more advanced than the other group. So, it's time for you to join this one."

You clenched up a little as you looked at the men. "I uh..."

"Levi!"

You felt your whole body flush at seeing Levi coming over. You knew about him, admired him and heard all the stories from Isabel. Sometimes you spend time with him and his two friends, so you have a small connection. You'd always admired him and even liked him more as a friend.

Levi approached the trainer. "Tch, the fuck you want?"

The trainer gritted his teeth. "You are sparring."

"You series?" Levi questioned. "Tch, you're insane. We can't spar."

"Do. IT." He took his position. "I don't want to hear excuses! SPAR!"

Levi faced you and could see you were nervous and scared. "Tch, shit." He walked closer to you. "Let's get this over with. I'll go easy on you."

You held up your arms. "Okay. I'll umm try my best."

Levi was fast, impressively fast, but you were agile and flexible. If he moved for you, he managed to get you, but it didn't take long for you to slip out of his touch. To him, it felt like he was trying to grab a cute bunny, and he was struggling and failing to get it right. A part of him got riled up and determined to pin you. Something inside him was excited by this fight.

After a bit of struggling, people shouting and cheering for Levi to beat you, he got you pinned under him, his arms wrapped around you. He held you against him, every inch of his body moulded to yours. It was utter bliss to be this close to you, to hold you so delicately. If only this were in a different setting.

A little moan escaped you; it was embarrassing. "S-Sorry." It felt good to be held by him, to be so close.

Levi grunted against you. "Hey, just pretend you give, okay? This asshole wants you to get hurt."

You hummed in agreement. "Okay. Thank you, Levi." As soon as Levi shifted on you, you gave up and lay against the floor. "Done."

Levi pinned you in place; he made sure that it looked aggressive and rough, but he was so gentle with you. "I win."

The trainer laughed. "Excellent work, Levi! Excellent work! Glowing reviews once again. You are going places."

Levi released you and went to pick you up. "Let me."

"Don't touch her!" He kicked dirt at you. "Let her lie there. She needs to accept her defeat."

Levi slammed his fist into the trainer's face, making his nose pop and blood spray. "Tch, fucking asshole."

"I'll report you!"

"Go ahead." He approached you and picked you up, making you squeak. "Erwin needs me. If you report me, I'll tell him you've been bullying scouts."

You clutched Levi's shirt. "Levi, you don't have to carry me."

"I want to." His cheeks were a strong kissable pink. "So, let me. Tch, damn cute brat."

You gazed at him as he carried you. "Cute?"

He groaned a little as he carried you. "I can't control my stupid mouth, okay? I say shit."

"Do you mean it?"

He looked down at you, causing his heart to race. "What if I did? You going to make fun of me?"

"Could you put me down for a moment?" You smiled at him to reassure him. "Only for a moment."

He paused in the forest path for gear training and placed you on your feet. "Sure."

You reached up and gently caressed his cheek, his skin was so smooth, soft and warm. Lightly touching this man made him close his eye and nuzzle your hand a little, like a cat accepting and loving the touch. He kept his one eye closed as he nuzzled and kept his other eye on you as he hummed.

Levi's eyes widened when he realised what he was doing. He turned his head away and pouted. "You."

You leaned closer and kissed his cheek. "You're truly wonderful, Levi."

He reached up and touched his cheek. "Again."

"Hmm?"

He whined a little. "Do that again."

"What again? Say you're wonderful?"

He huffed a bit. "No, the thing with your lips."

You held his hands, parts of them had callosities and scars, but the rest were so soft. You leaned again and kissed his cheek, but he turned his head a little, causing you to kiss the corner of his mouth. "Levi." You softly giggled. "You turned your head on purpose, didn't you?"

"N-No. Tch..." He lowered his head and mumbled. "Lips. Lips this time."

"Are you saying you like me?"

"Like you? I adore you! Tch, silly brat thinking it's simple like when she's my fucking world."

You captured his lips just as he finished talking, which caused him to almost break. You'd never seen Levi so stunned and stiff before; it was rather adorable to see such a tough man become a shy puddle.

Levi looked around before pulling you closer and kissing you, but you bumped lips. "Sorry. I'll try again." He cradled your face in his hands and admired you before kissing you.

HAPPY BIRTHDAY CAPTAIN LEVI! ⚔️

25th December

Prompts for Writing Outfits like that

⊹ A skirt heavy enough to hold its shape in the wind, paired with a blouse that billows softly when she runs.

⊹ A simple cotton dress in a faded pastel tone, the fabric worn thin at the elbows from everyday living.

⊹ A vest pulled snug over a loose white shirt, trousers tucked into boots meant for muddy fields.

⊹ A linen dress with long sleeves gathered at the wrists, apron tied neatly over it, ready for chores or celebration.

⊹ A muted sage skirt that swishes at the ankles, paired with a cream blouse embroidered only at the collar.

⊹ A brown jacket fastened with small buttons, layered over a skirt that catches the light with every step downhill.

⊹ A white shirt open at the collar, sleeves rolled imperfectly, vest slightly crooked from hurried movement.

⊹ A pale blue dress with a gathered bodice, apron tied off-center because she was laughing while dressing.

⊹ A wool skirt in earth tones, paired with a fitted topcoat that flares out subtly at the waist.

⊹ A dusty rose apron with patchwork at the bottom, worn over a simple work dress in muted beige.

⊹ A long cotton dress with a small lace trim, the kind that lifts beautifully when she turns too quickly.

Alright, “Bad Boy” analysis, here we come!  Strap in guys, because this one is going to get long.

So, we open with a shot of Levi and his mother, drinking tea while looking out over the Underground City.

The first thing you notice is how filthy Levi’s and Kuchel’s clothing is, and indeed, the first thing Levi mentions is how he was “born in the Underground” and then he says that he’s only “ever seen things that are Underground”.  Right away, this sets the tone for the story, and will be vitally important to understanding what we realize about Levi’s worldview as the story continues.

He talks about how “hopelessly dirty” the Underground is, and says even the air is “rotten”. 

And then he talks about how, the more he realizes this, the more he feels that his mother’s posture is “so elegant”. 

So we see right away how Levi is idealizing his mother.  We also never have a clear view of Kuchel’s face.  We see her sitting beside Levi from behind, and then we see her smiling at him, but it’s just an impression.  A sense of her, more than a fully formed picture.

Levi’s memory of his mother is probably vague at best.  I think he was likely too young when she died to really remember her clearly.  He remembers her as “elegant”, and he remembers this of her particularly in contrast to the filth and despair of the world he lives in, that being The Underground City.  A single point of light in all the darkness surrounding him.  Again, this will become important as the story develops.  But we see from this first page that Levi has latched onto this memory of his mother, this picture of her as elegant, as the only good in his life.  Something represented by his memory of her containing a single shaft of light pouring down from above, directly onto them.  Again, the one point of light in a world of darkness.  Again, that will become significant as the story goes on.

We immediately cut to the next scene, and it’s a sharp contrast, because we go from the relative peace of the moment with his mother, the single point of positivity in his life, to a scene of him being severely physically assaulted in the streets.  We also have it confirmed for us that, indeed, Levi’s memory of his mother is vague, and truly only an impression.  He narrates:

“That’s the only thing I remember clearly.  I absolutely did not want that to be lost.”

Levi is telling us here that the only thing he remembers clearly of his mother is her elegance, and it’s that single thing that he “absolutely did not want to be lost.” 

Frankly, what this tells us about Levi’s life is that it’s nothing but a world of hurt and pain, suffering and despair.  He has no joy in his life, no hope, no warmth, other than this single impression of his mother’s beauty and grace.  And as such, it’s the one thing he doesn’t want to lose.  The one thing he’s desperate to hold onto.  Again, this will become deeply significant as the story continues.

We then cut to a wide shot of what exactly is happening, as Levi narrates these thoughts.

He’s being brutally attacked by a full-grown man, kicked in the chest and/or abdomen so hard, that it sends him flying bodily across the ground.  We also notice that Levi is bleeding profusely already from the nose and mouth, meaning he’s already taken blows before this first shot of him being beaten.

The next panel shows us Levi curled on the ground, obviously in severe pain, arms curled around himself, hand gripping his chest as if he can’t breathe, his face twisted in agony.  He’s severely beaten up, his face a bloody mess, and we can also see from the puffs in the air that his breathing is obviously labored. 

Now I feel like what’s really important to note about this scene, is when the men doing this to Levi start talking about him, and particularly, the way they start talking about him.  The way they regard him. 

The man in the glasses points out that Levi is the kid that “Kenny the Ripper” looks after, and that if he finds out, they’re “finished”.  And the man beating Levi up says in response:

“Just chop it up like usual and feed itto the pigs, no problem.”

They say “like usual” while talking about chopping Levi up and feeding him to the pigs.  That means they’ve done this before, either to other children, or adults, or both.  That tells us exactly what kind of people we’re dealing with here.  From this line alone, it’s pretty obvious who Levi was referring to when he told Eren on the airship in Liberio that he reminded him of the “scum” he grew up surrounded by in the Underground. 

These men are truly vile, truly the worst humanity has to offer.  They’re talking here about murdering a little boy as casually and easily as one might talk about the weather.  And we see as the scene progresses that this isn’t just talk.  They’re fully capable and fully intending on either killing Levi or, as we’ll see, doing him other great harm. 

We also find out from the dialog of the man beating Levi up that Levi was the one who sought these men out, in an attempt to retrieve an item that belonged to his mother.  And this detail becomes hugely important to note, as it really encapsulates the tragic core of this story from Levi’s childhood. 

On the next page, Levi asks the men to “give it back.”, saying “it was my mothers”.  Levi isn’t attempting to fight back here, and this is also a really important detail to note, which I’ll go into soon.  He’s asking them to give him what should rightfully be his, and the man in the glasses answers that it doesn’t belong to Levi’s mother, because she pawned it when she was sick and struggling to find food.  He refers to Kuchel as “Olympia”, which tells us that Levi’s mother was a fairly well-known prostitute in the Underground, and that it’s known that Levi is her son.  This is also important to note, because it reveals to us that Levi was treated as the son of a whore, with all the expected disregard and disdain that usually applies to that kind of treatment.  Something we see tragically play out with the way these men treat and speak about Levi, specifically. 

The man in the glasses continues:

“You’re a filthy thief who snuck onto a cart headed for the surface.  You know what’ll happen if you get caught, right?  Or was it too much to expect a whore’s child born Underground to consider the consequences?”

I want to break these lines of dialog down, because they demonstrate what I mean about the treatment Levi receives for being the son of a prostitute, and, further, for being born Underground. 

First, I think it’s clear from what this man says that these men themselves aren’t from the Underground.  They clearly operate down there, because they’re criminals, and the Underground is a largely lawless district, ignored by the above authorities, and so exists as the perfect environment for these sorts of people to practice their brand of criminality. 

But the way they refer to Levi as a “whore’s child” that was “born Underground” shows us a kind of blatant disregard and disdain for people who are actually from the Underground.  This reflects the general status of people from and living in the Underground as non-citizens of Paradis itself.  They have no rights, they enjoy no protections or any of the privileges of the people from the surface, because the residents of the Underground, and particularly, those unfortunate enough to have been born there, are considered as less than human. 

The way this man speaks to Levi, the dehumanizing and derogatory and belittling language testifies to that.  Levi is seen as “lesser” by these men for not only being the son of a prostitute, but also for having been born Underground.  He asks if it was “too much” to expect a “whore’s child born Underground” to consider the consequences, which is a direct insult to Levi’s intelligence.  It’s obvious this man considers Levi to be inferior to him and all the rest of them, simply due to the circumstances of Levi’s birth.

I think it’s fair to extrapolate from this, and from how we see Levi regard his own worth as the story continues, that this was the general treatment Levi was met with all throughout his youth. 

He’s treated as less than human.  He’s treated as inferior and stupid.

And then things get really horrific. 

One of the other men says:

“Hey… more importantly, I think this one might sell.”

And then the one gripping Levi by the hair says:

“I think so, too.  Selling anything is our motto, after all.”

"This one" might sell, and selling "anything" is our motto, he says, as if Levi is a thing to be bought and sold. They treat and talk about Levi here like he's a piece of merchandise.

And then he says:

“We should make him do the same job as his mother.  He might have inherited her talents.”

They’re talking about selling Levi into a human trafficking ring, here.  They’re talking about selling him into sexual slavery. 

They say “we should make him do the same job as his mother.”  This is a direct and obviously very real threat of sexual assault and rape made against Levi.

Remember, this is a little boy they’re saying this about. 

Now something really significant happens next, because it’s this comment about his mother that finally spurs Levi on to fight back.  It’s important, because of what it tells us about Levi’s own state of mind.

The next panel shows us Levi at last getting angry.  He punches the man in the face and screams:

“Die!!  Pig.” 

What’s so important to note about this is that it wasn’t for himself that Levi got upset.  It was for his mother.  Again, the same mother whose memory is the only good thing Levi has in his entire, wretched life. 

He’s defending her honor, here.  It’s only when her character is under attack that Levi feels compelled to fight.  Sounds familiar, doesn’t it? 

The same way Levi is motivated to fight for others throughout the entirety of “Attack on Titan”.  The way we see throughout the main story how Levi never fights for himself, but always for someone else.  This is going to become super relevant in a moment. 

Because all Levi gets for his attempt to defend his mother is the man beating him nearly to death.

He starts smashing down on Levi’s face and head with a hammer fist.  If anyone has ever watched mixed martial arts, they’ll know what that is.  It’s when you form a fist, and use the edge of it to hit someone on the ground, rather than the knuckles.  If you want to know how awful that is, form a fist and smash the edge of it into your open palm as hard as you can, and that should give you an idea of how much damage this can cause. 

This man starts beating Levi like this over and over.

The man in the glasses says:

“Hey… what happened to selling him?”

He says this in a manner that makes it clear he doesn’t actually care.  And the man beating Levi says:

“If you don’t discipline him, you won’t get any customers.”

It’s painfully apparent here that this man is using the idea of “discipline” as an excuse simply to hurt Levi.  He goes on to say:

“We’ll teach him a lesson so he won’t think of going against us again.  We’ll jack up the price for the added value.” 

This entire scene displays such a vicious sadism, that I honestly had to stop reading for a moment, it was so disgusting.  This man is clearly enjoying beating Levi like this. 

Then the man in the glasses says, with the same, uncaring casualness:

“We can’t sell a corpse though…  That’s no good.”

Again, I think it’s important to note the way these men are speaking about a child, and about the horrific things they’re doing and planning on doing to this child. 

They literally feel nothing.  No remorse, no guilt, no sympathy or empathy of any kind.  Levi is just a thing to them that they can use for their own satisfaction.  And, again, given what we’ll soon realize about Levi’s sense of self-worth, it seems clear to me that this was the general treatment he was met with up to this point in his life.

Another man says:

“It’s pig food.”, while another says “Hey, let’s leave”

All while, in the background, we see this man beating Levi over and over and over. 

He’s going to kill Levi, that’s clear.  He’s going to beat him to death.  And the other men care so little, they don’t even pay attention.  It isn’t worth their consideration, even.

Now here is where we get to the real heart of what this story is telling us about Levi.

While he’s being so brutally beaten, and we see the man from Levi’s perspective, hitting him again and again, his expression murderous, Levi’s narration continues, and he says:

“I knew it was reckless.  I never thought I would be able to get my mother’s belongings back.  I just wanted to rebel.  I wanted to spit… on this shitty world…”

Why this is important, why this is so significant to understanding Levi’s character, is because it tells us what Levi’s mental condition was growing up, and that condition was one of such deep despair and depression over the state of his existence, that he believed a single act of guaranteed to fail rebellion against that state was preferable to the thought of his life continuing at all.  It means Levi’s life was so bad, so hopeless and so without any light or joy or goodness, that he was okay with dying, and even actively sought out a situation in which there was nearly a guarantee that he would, for a single moment of defiance against the hellish reality he was living.  It means Levi saw no real value in his continued existence at all.

It means Levi was suicidal. 

As a young child.

It should be obvious why this is so significant in regard to Levi specifically.

Because Levi is a character that is literally defined by how much he values life.  By how much he believes in the inherent value of life, to the point that protecting and saving life, and, bar that, proving the worth of those lives by imbuing their loss with meaning, is the main motivator behind all of his actions. 

We see this play out with Levi attempting to retrieve his mother’s belongings in the first place.  Beyond the suicidal intent within that act, it’s reflective of Levi’s deep desire to prove that his mother’s life mattered.  That her existence was of worth.  He wants to remember her because he believes her life was important, even as he believes his own life is worthless and that he would be better off dead.  And here we see demonstrated what will really be Levi’s most defining characteristic throughout his life.  That breathtakingly tragic selflessness by which he’s always operated. 

For all of Levi’s unwavering belief in the inherent value of other people’s lives, he doesn’t believe in that same, inherent value with regard to his own life. 

Again, we see Levi here ready to throw his life away just to spite what he feels is the worthlessness of his existence.  Just to “spit on this shitty world”, as he says. 

These aren’t the thoughts or actions of a boy who thinks his own life is worth fighting for, or saving. 

He goes on to speak about how, when his powers awakened, he didn’t feel anything.  He didn’t think it was strange, or significant.  He says:

“I didn’t think it was strange that something had happened to me at the time.  The pain in my head disappeared, and I felt calm, as if my head was submerged in water.  And the idea of what to do came to mind.  But I just followed the instinct and acted accordingly."

So it wasn’t a will to live which drove Levi to fight back and kill these men.  It wasn’t a fear of death, or a desire to go on.  His Ackerman powers awoke because he was in mortal danger, and it was with the awakening of those powers that he was infused with the sudden knowledge of how to fight back.  He was simply doing as those powers dictated, almost as if it wasn’t even Levi’s own will which moved him here, but the will of every Ackerman before him, showing him the path.

Now I want to talk about why all of this is so important for how it relates to Levi’s inherent goodness as a person. 

Because here’s the thing.

Levi’s belief in the worthlessness and wretchedness of his own life, so powerful as to drive him to intentionally seek out placing it in harms way, to intentionally seek out doing himself harm, all as a giant ‘fuck you’ to the existence of a world that would make his life so horrible, should, by rights, have also informed the way Levi regarded the life of everyone else.

Because that’s what informed Zeke’s disregard for everyone else’s life, wasn’t it?  The idea that, because of the wretched state of his own existence, Zeke was conditioned to believe that life was nothing but pain and suffering, and therefore, utterly worthless.  And so, he believed, life should therefore be extinguished, not preserved.

And yet, Levi believes in exactly the opposite.  He believes that life is precious.  That it should be preserved and protected and cherished.  So much so, that he joined the Survey Corps because Erwin’s philosophy of being able to eliminate meaningless death through the fulfillment of people’s dreams appealed to him so greatly.  Because the reality of meaningless death wasn’t something Levi could ever reconcile with his own belief in life’s inherent value.  He couldn’t understand how something so precious could be so easily destroyed.  It had never seemed right to him.  It had never made sense.

What this shows us, then, is that it wasn’t because of Levi’s life, or because of any outside influence, that he saw value in life, or believed in the value of life.  It wasn’t because he was conditioned by the state of his existence, or taught by his circumstances growing up, that life had value.  Clearly, Levi was taught and conditioned to believe the very opposite, as evidenced and even proven by the disregard with which he treats his own life.  As evidenced and proven by Levi’s life being so devoid of anything good or hopeful, that he thought it would be better to die in one, last act of defiance against the injustice and cruelty of it all, than to go on living.

Because Levi fully believed he wouldn't succeed in getting his mother's belongings back, and he fully believed he was almost certain to die. And so it wasn't truly even about getting his mother's tea set back, so much as it was about holding on to that last memory of her. That's what I mean when I say a last act of defiance against the ugliness of the world. He wanted to retain the memory of his mother's beauty, something her tea set represented to him, as an act of rebellion against the bleak hopelessness and despair of the rest of his life. It was Levi's way of telling the cruelty and ugliness of the world that it could go fuck itself, by exiting from it while remembering his mother's elegance. As if to say to that cruelty and ugliness, you may win, but at least I still fought back.

How then is it, though, that Levi is able to see life as worthwhile and inherently valuable, when his own life growing up did everything in its power to prove to him otherwise?

The answer is simply Levi’s nature.  Levi’s inherent goodness.

He and Zeke were each driven to regard their lives as worthless through the conditions of their childhoods.  And yet, while Zeke used that as an excuse to treat everyone else’s life as worthless, too, Levi in turn didn’t allow his feelings regarding his life to inform his feelings of anyone else’s.  Levi, in spite of his great suffering and despair, still saw the worth in the lives of other people.

That’s true selflessness.  True compassion.  True empathy.  True goodness.  Something not rooted in external forces or influence, but something that comes from within.  Something innate to ones nature. 

And that’s what “Bad Boy” really demonstrates.  How it is that Levi’s inherently good nature overcame the horror and despair of his life.  How he came out the other side a kind, caring and compassionate man, not because of, but in spite of his own, wretched existence. 

Moving on, and now understanding Levi’s depression and suicidal ideation leading up to this event, I also want to talk about how Kenny’s abandonment of Levi directly following must have impacted his already fragile will to live. 

Kenny leaving Levi at this point in his life could scarcely have caused more damage.  And there’s absolutely no way in hell Kenny didn’t recognize or notice to some extent how depressed Levi was.  We see that depression ourselves, plain and marked on Levi’s face, when he later goes back to his and his mother’s room, while he’s brewing the tea. 

I’ve spoken before about how what people often mistake as stoicism in Levi’s expression is actually despondence.  Is actually sadness.  I’ll go over that same expression we see on Levi when I get to that part of the story.  But I bring it up now to highlight the travesty of Kenny abandoning Levi in that state, and the impact it had to have had on Levi’s will to live moving forward.

Because I don’t think he could have had much of one. 

Levi finally awakens his power, and thus, becomes strong.  Thus becomes what Kenny taught him he needed to be to matter.

And it results in nothing but his being left alone.  All it results in is further trauma and despair, with Levi experiencing the horror of having taken multiple lives. 

Levi can’t have developed anything but negative feelings regarding his own strength, at this point.  He’ll have started to associate it, even, with abandonment and his own monstrosity.  And maybe he would feel it’s that very monstrosity that leads to his abandonment.  His mother died, and he probably thinks that’s his fault, because if she hadn’t had to take care of him, she would probably still be alive.  Kenny left him, and that’s also his fault, because being strong wasn’t enough to keep Kenny around, so there must be something else about him that made Kenny leave.  I think Levi likely felt he was left alone because there was something inherently lacking in him, something that made him destroy what was good (his mother) and something that made him unwanted (Kenny).  And I think that feeling must have been reinforced to him by the brutality of his own violence in killing these men.  He became what Kenny told him he should be, but it wasn’t enough, or maybe it was too much.  Because what kind of message does it send to Levi, when he finally becomes what Kenny tells him he should be, and instead of it winning him Kenny’s approval, it earns him Kenny’s rejection?  It sends the message that Kenny must think he’s a freak, or a monster.  That Kenny must decide he’s bad or wrong in some way.

So what, in the face of this utter despair and hopelessness, in the face of this total rejection of his person, compounding an already existent wish to die, could have compelled Levi to go on living?

What I think it was, was the thought that his strength must be for something more than himself. 

Isayama has said before that Levi wondered what his strength was for, when with Kenny’s abandonment, he was shown it wasn’t meant for his approval. And we’ve seen demonstrated already Levi’s own lack of will to live.  His own disinterest in fighting for himself, and thus, in using that strength for himself.

So he must have wondered, if his strength wasn’t meant to win him Kenny’s love or approval, and it didn’t matter to him if it could be used for himself, what could it be used for? What was it meant for?

I think it was his desire to find out what that could be that kept him going. And once he realized he could use his strength to help people, that's when he decided his life might be of some value. Not for himself, but for others.

When he finally figured out that he could use his strength for that, that he could use it to save lives and better lives, this thing which previously had only seemed to bring him grief and trauma, this thing which he couldn’t understand the reason for having at all, finally made sense.  In discovering his strength could help, that was the one thing about it that finally made it make sense to him. 

And I think that’s also testament to Levi’s inherent goodness. 

That, despite all that negativity, all that horror and suffering, pain and loss, despite his strength seeming to be nothing but a curse, a point of confusion and grief, he still sought an answer to its reason.  He refused to give in to the bitterness of accepting it as meaningless, and he still held enough of a belief in the lives of others mattering, in the lives of others being worthwhile, and in people being worth saving, to decide that the reason for his strength was to help them, to save them, to use it to fight for them.  Levi decided that, on his own.

That it only made sense to him at last as an instrument to aid others, that proves Levi’s inherent goodness.

Now, getting back to the story, I spoke before about how I find the man in the glasses to be perhaps the most vile of the group, which is saying a lot, since they were all obscene human beings.

After Levi kills them, the man in the glasses in the only one left, and what he does, what he says to Levi, I think, probably caused Levi more harm, and more lasting damage, than what any of the others said or did.

Because this man lies to Levi, and attempts to manipulate him to save his own skin, by painting himself as the only one to have cared about Levi’s well-being, claiming himself to have tried to stop the assault against Levi (something we know is a blatant and cruel lie), and by using Levi’s love for his mother against him.  This, in the worst way, reminded me of how Zeke tried to use Levi’s compassion for his comrades as a weapon against him, too.  It’s such an ugly, cynical and cruel thing to do.

The man blubbers on about how he tried to tell the man beating Levi that if he kept it up, he would meet with a fate worse than the death penalty (again, a blatant lie), and then he attempts to frighten Levi into thinking the same will happen to him, because he’s just killed all these people, and the man in the glasses is the only one who can save him. 

All through this, Levi only stands and stares at the man, giving brief, monosyllabic replies.  The man’s desperation increases, his fear mounting as Levi seems almost non-responsive, and then he says:

“So!  Hey!  Stop doing things that will make your mother in heaven sad!  You don’t want to do that, do you?!”

I can’t even begin to put into words how horrible this is. 

This smarmy, heartless, disgusting piece of human refuse actually tries to leverage Levi’s love for his mother against him, the same mother that just minutes earlier, this man had spoken of in such derogatory terms, and who had shown such open disregard and disdain toward Levi’s desperation to preserve and hold onto the memory of her. 

What’s particularly significant in this exchange, is how I think it impacts Levi’s self-image later on, and how it impacts his ability to find solace in the memory of his mother. 

Levi shows no feeling toward what the man is saying in this moment.  Levi’s lack of response or expression at all indicates a state of shock.  Of not truly absorbing what’s just happened, or what continues to happen.

He takes his mother’s tea set, and tells the man:

“Well… I don’t know.”, in response to the man’s question about not wanting to make his mother cry.  And then Levi says:

“But Kenny won’t let you live.”

And the man says, now in tears:

“I want to save you… Believe me…”

To which Levi replies:

“Nobody will believe a kid like me killed all these men, don’t worry.  You bastard.”

This shows Levi hasn't fallen for a word this bastard has said. His line "Nobody will believe a kid like me killed all these men, don't worry." is Levi letting the man know that his ploy of being the only one who can "save" Levi from his friends didn't work. All those friends whom he supposedly wanted to save Levi from won't believe Levi killed any of these men, anyway, so, "don't worry". Levi is calling him out on his lie and manipulation. He's calling out his duplicity. That he knows he's completely full of it and only saying what he thinks will save his own skin. It's Levi being sarcastic.

The big mistake the man makes, as well, is in saying what he does about Levi’s mother.  Because he invokes Kuchel’s memory, again, the only thing in Levi’s life that he considers good, and particularly, threatens Levi with her memory by saying he’s going to make his mother cry in heaven because he's become a killer, that pushes Levi deeper into anger and disgust. 

Levi is fully aware this man wasn't trying to "save" him at all, and further, that he will with certainty go on to traffic and murder other children if he's allowed to live. That he'll go on to do the same to other children that he was trying to do to Levi. All that contributes to why Levi decides to kill him, too.

The next page continues Levi’s narration.  He says:

“I awakened the power.  Kenny disappeared.  The only thing that hadn’t disappeared… were the memories of my mother.”

This is hugely significant.

We see Levi return to the room he and his mother once shared, carrying her tea set.  And we then see him make a pot of tea, his expression one of almost desperation as he goes through each step carefully, boiling water, crushing the tea leaves, and then timing carefully how long he needs to steep them in the hot water.

He attempts each step with utmost care.  This is something obviously deeply important to Levi that he get right.  And yet, we see him struggle to do so. He crushes the leaves in his bare hand, and ends up spilling them all over the place when he tries scattering them into the pot. He spills the boiling water over the pots edge when he pours it in, too. He's clumsy and unsure, a child trying to mimic an adult. Trying to mimic his mother. And we're reminded brutally here that Levi is just a little boy. After everything, he's just a young child who's gone through a level of trauma scarcely imaginable to most people.

And we wonder, why is this so important to him? Why does he try so hard to get this right?

Because Levi is attempting here, I think, to hold on to the one good thing he has left.  That idealized image of his mother.  This picture of beauty and grace and elegance among a world of filth and despair and rottenness.  This one good thing in an otherwise hopeless and meaningless life.

Levi stares despondently at the cup of tea as he sits at the same table he once shared tea with his mother, his face still bloody and beaten from his encounter with the men, and he remembers.  He again sees the image of him and his mother, that romanticized memory of light shining down on them, illuminating them, bringing them warmth in an otherwise cold and desolate world. 

And then we see Levi in the present again, sitting alone, in the same spot, but the light is gone.  There’s nothing but darkness and decay and filth. 

Levi picks the cup up, and begins to bring it to his lips to drink, and in the next panel, we see the handle snap off, and the cup fall, shattering against the floor.

And then Levi bursts into tears.

I said in my first analysis post that the cup shattering is what I think snaps Levi out of his state of shock, and I still think that’s true. It's the moment we see the emotion of everything that's happened to him finally come crashing down onto his head. When we finally see the true depth of his devastation. The depth of his psychological distress.

And the cup shattering is also symbolic of Levi losing the last and truly only good thing he’s ever had in his life.  The memory of his mother.  It’s been ruined by what he’s just done.

This is where the true damage of the man’s words to Levi about making his mother cry reveals itself.

Levi’s tears, I think, are tears of shame, and tears of despair. 

I think Levi fully believes what the man had told him, that he’s made his mother cry by becoming a killer, and in so doing, he’s lost the ability for his mother’s memory to bring him comfort.

From here on, the only thing remembering his mother will bring Levi is a sense of self-loathing.  A sense of repulsion, for how his own brutality and violence contrasts with so much ugliness against the beauty and elegance of her memory. Now every time he thinks of her, it will be with the belief that she would have hated him and been ashamed of him for killing. And that's what the title of the story refers to. Levi sees himself as a "bad boy".

Because I think Levi believes himself to have become a part of the filth and rottenness of the Underground that he spoke of at the beginning.  I think Levi believes, through that, that he’s sullied and destroyed the memory of his mother.  That he's no longer worthy of her memory. That the one thing he “absolutely did not want to be lost” is now lost to him completely, and he’s left with nothing but the bleak hopelessness and worthlessness of his own life.  With nothing but the “shitty world” he was born into. 

In the final panel, we come to the actual present, with Levi sitting with Gabi and Falco.  He says:

“Since then, I vowed to never hold the handle of a cup… ever again.”

And we see Gabi in tears, apologizing to Levi for making fun of him for the way he holds his cups, and Falco begging him to stop talking because he’s going to cry, too.

These are two kids who have seen some true horror in their lives, but even they can’t handle the wretched nightmare of this one story from Levi’s childhood.  And that’s just it, it’s only a single story.  A single story about a life spent in total darkness.  A childhood without a single hope, without any light or warmth or goodness.  About a man who lost the one, good thing he had because of the world he was born into, and the violence he was forced to learn as the only way to survive.  A man who, against all odds, and even against the worthlessness he saw in his own life, still managed to have a greater kindness and compassion and respect towards the lives of others than anyone else.  Who still believed, despite it all, that those lives were worth fighting for, and protecting, and remembering. 

Levi’s life is such an utter tragedy.

I think “Bad Boy” demonstrates to us, once and for all, the true depth of that tragedy, and beyond that, the true miracle that Levi Ackerman is. 

It's the miracle of Levi's inherent goodness overcoming the devastation of his life.

Beach Day ☀️👙🌊✨

Just D’jai hanging with her buddies, Arleth, Cerian (oc social app) and Levi and Armin in an aot AU. She finally got to hangout by the sea—not Levi’s plan of course.

@llemonmilky @acker-licious

These are some lowkey underrated tips I’ve seen floating around writing communities — the kind that don’t get flashy attention but seriously changed how I write.

1. Put “he/she/they” at the start of the sentence less often.

Try switching up your sentence rhythm. Instead of

“She walked to the window,”

try

“The window creaked open under her touch.”

Keeps it fresh and stops the paragraph from sounding like a checklist.

2. Don’t describe everything — describe what matters.

Instead of listing every detail in a room, pick 2–3 objects that say something.

“A half-drunk mug of tea and a knife on the table”

sets a way stronger tone than

“There was a wooden table, two chairs, and a shelf.”

3. Use beats instead of dialogue tags sometimes.

Instead of:

"I'm fine," she said.

Try:

"I'm fine." She wiped her hands on her skirt.

It helps shows emotion, and movement.

4. Write your first draft like no one will ever read it.

No pressure. No perfection. Just vibes. The point of draft one is to exist. Let it be messy and weird — future you will thank you for at least something to edit.

5. When stuck, ask: “What’s the most fun thing that could happen next?”

Not logical. Not realistic. FUN. It doesn’t have to stay — but chasing excitement can blast through writer’s block and give you ideas you actually want to write.

Watch this 👇

One more thing, and I swear I'll try and keep this one shorter and less rambling, lol, but I think what people also don't get about Levi, with the way they harp on about his choice during the RtS arc being a "personal" one, is that all of Levi's choices are personal.

Going back to what I said about how Levi's entire philosophy of no regrets is predicated on doing what he feels in the moment is right, that's rooted in his own, personal beliefs about what's right. Again, that doesn't mean he's going to stand there and try to convince others that it's his way or the highway. He believes that he, and in turn everyone else, can only act in the way they feel is best in any, given situation, depending on the circumstances, even while accepting that whatever choice you make may result in the opposite of what you were hoping for. Levi never betrays what he believes in. He just knows, and has enough humility to understand, that whatever he believes in isn't definitively or objectively correct or that it's always going to lead to a good outcome. As he says, he can only make the choice he won't regret.

So when he lets his comrades die because he thinks it will better humanity's chances at victory, or when he tortures Sannes because he thinks it will save more lives, or when he kills members of Kenny's squad because he wants to save the lives of his own, or when he lets Erwin die because he refuses to let a fellow human being continue to suffer, or when he saves Ramzi from being killed by an angry mob because he's just an innocent little kid, all of those decisions are rooted in Levi's personal belief that it's the right thing to do in the moment. Again, he just isn't arrogant or egotistical enough to try and impose his way of thinking or doing onto anyone else, or to believe with any certainty that he's always right. He has too much respect for the agency of others to ever do that, and he has too much humility to ever believe he knows better than everyone else.

But Levi never compromises his own moral values. Again, that's the whole point of his philosophy. To never betray what you value and believe in. That's how you live without regrets. By staying true to what you personally value and hold true as personally right.

Levi's moral values just happen to be complex and fluid to match the complexity of the world and the human condition. It doesn't mean he has no moral values or standards. And it doesn't mean he just does what he wants without concern for the consequences, either, which I think is maybe the most absurd mischaracterization of Levi and his philosophy I can imagine.

The consequences are exactly what Levi is thinking of whenever he makes any choice, because what he values more than anything is other peoples well-being and others peoples lives. That's what makes Levi a good person, assuming you measure a person's goodness by how much they care about others. It's why you would call Levi selfless, kind and compassionate, because he's prioritizing what he hopes will benefit others in every choice he makes. That's what drives him and dictates his actions. That's what his morality is based on, and how he decides what he thinks is "right". Not whether or not he believes his choices are objectively, factually "right" according to some abstract moral framework or ideology, but whether or not he believes personally that his choices will help people. It's a morality rooted in practicality and compassion. Every choice he makes is reflective of and an exercise in trying to do right by others. This is in sharp contrast with characters like Eren or Historia, for example, who's choices reflect the way they value themselves and their desires above everything, even when they feel what they want it bad for others. That's what makes them bad people, again assuming you measure a person's goodness or badness by how much they care about others.

*drumroll* ꒰🍨꒱ ୨୧ 𐔌 Quiz Time .ᐟ ₊ ꒱

Take this quiz and do this Picrew and tag your moots or anyone you think would like to be a part of the reblog game! Spread a little love around <3

Hehe my results

tried to make it look as much like me as possible >:3

IM DOOMED guys </3 i was a super hero yesterday. what happened…

OF COURSE I’d be the angsty character.

impending doom, you say? 😀

Hope you enjoy! No pressure 😉