Here’s my portrait of Ash done by Simone Mulas, all framed up. Done in charcoal, I asked Simone to create a photo-realistic portrait of Ash and I think he delivered the most amazing result. The detail is mind blowing. You have to see it in person to really appreciate the fact this thing is hand drawn, but I did my best to capture it in photos.
I feel like it’s more than just photo realism, though. I feel like the portrait captures so much of who Ash was as a person. The tragedy, but also the beauty of who he was, both in his youth and his brilliance, and the sadness of his lost potential. There’s a sense of nostalgia in it. It feels like a picture Eiji might have taken of him, not long before he died.
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Do you think Levi had any dreams/goals of his own?
Well, if he did, we don't really know about them. Obviously, we learn about Levi's hope of opening a tea shop one day in the supplemental material, but whether one would consider that canon or not is up for interpretation I suppose. In general, I think Levi was always more about supporting the dreams and hopes of others, over having any specific goal or hope for himself. In a lot of ways, Levi acts as the custodian of other people's dreams, and the other characters heavily rely on him to protect their dreams. It's why I always call him the most selfless character in the story, because he simply isn't fighting for himself on any level, he's 100% fighting for others, and he's the only character in the story like that, really. Even before becoming a scout, Levi's entire life essentially revolved around helping Furlan and Isabel's dreams come true, and giving them a better life. But it would be nice to get a post-canon story about Levi and what he's doing with his life after everything. He sacrificed so much for everyone else, and it would be awesome to see him getting to live for himself a little more, though we know he continues to help people through his efforts in the restoration.
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it's bad. i will talk about why i feel this way, so you know, here's your disclaimer for negativity and criticism that may or may not be a bit too harsh, and a suggestion to maybe not continue reading if you genuinely enjoyed the chapter and don't want to hear someone be mean about it
for some context i do want to say that my dissatisfaction, dissapointments and anxiety about the direction the story is taking have been building up for a while now. this chapter just confirms that i was right to be worried and makes me feel like i should pobably lower my expectations for whatever is coming after it and reassess how i view post-timeskip in general (in the end yashiro's impotency really was as simple as it seemed at a glance, wasn't it?) which sucks! saezuru means a lot to me and i would like to stay hopeful, but there are only so many questionable at best writing decisions i can take before sobering up. so yeah, this is where i'm currently at with saezuru
conversation between amou and tsunakawa is... fine? by the process of elimination it might be the best part of the chapter since it isn't someone talking at yashiro about how she should feel and what she should do, but other than that i don't have much to say about it. downhill from here!
is it weird for nanahara to want to help doumeki? no, i don't think so. is it weird for him to finally decide to speak up about how strange yashiro's been acting since doumeki reappeared in her life? no, of course not. but the timing here is very convinient in how it allows for the concern for yashiro's wellbeing to somehow turn into "you should help doumeki" and telling her about how he hasn't actually changed, as if has that much weight and as if it's something nanahara would be able to say in confidence or be the judge of. the issue is that for the narrative that the story seems to be going for to work, he couldn't have spoken up sooner, because then the conversation would have to be about doumeki's treatment of yashiro, glimpses of which nanahara has seen even as recently as ch60, and we can't have that. so instead we get this clumsy reaffirmation of doumeki's hollow confession from ch58 (him not changing and being in the yakuza "for yashiro" is all we're betting on after all!) and it's coming from nanahara, the person closest to yashiro, someone who should've said something sooner or at the very least approached things differently. to say that i felt betrayed would be way too dramatic, but there is a tinge of that in the dissapointment i felt, and a bit of a "what the fuck, nanahara, why are you written like that". the worst part is that i can't even look at this as him genuinely fucking up as a character, which could've been compelling and interesting and not the first time, because this is not what's happening here. nanahara is saying what he needs to say, the "right" things, to get yashiro from point a to point d(oumeki). less as his own character, more as a plot device. and there is a lot of that this chapter
the silver lining is that at least yashiro talks back, so the conversation isn't entirely one-sided. but it's very transparent who you're supposed to be "siding" with here. see, she may be in the right when she says that what doumeki is doing is essentially no different from stalking (mind you, she doesn't even know that he had a guy keeping tabs on her whereabouts for four years and would've continued for who knows how many more if they hadn't ran into each other when they did) and has gone too far, but we all know she's just looking for excuses to push him away and to not accept her own feelings, don't we? and is it really stalking and abuse if she happens to like the guy too and he's been so loyal and persistent? doesn't the poor little meow meow deserve his prize for putting up with her? shouldn't she just stop bitching already and go offer herself up to him like everyone wants her to? well, don't worry, she will
assuming that yashiro's conversation with amou intentionally parallels the one she had with aoi in ch2... why? what am i to take away from this connection? there's the incest angle, sure, which i ranted about before, and the surface level "both conversations are partially about what yashiro should do with doumeki". but what made the conversation with aoi so good is the fact that she's similar to yashiro, and they could understand each other in a way doumeki could never understand either of them. aoi is yashiro, in a way. but amou is not. amou is doumeki, which is what his whole spiel is about, really. so if we're sticking with the parallel and me reading too much into it, then we're left off with "doumeki" once again talking at yashiro about how much he wants to be in the same world as her. if we're not sticking with the parallel, then it's just another man who for some reason suddenly cares a little too much talking at yashiro about his backstory and what she should do based on his daddy issues
and then amou, or "doumeki", asks the damn question about whether yashiro threw doumeki out for his sake of hers. and this is supposed to be a big thing somehow, for her and for us. the only way this could have the intended impact is if the answer is "i did it for myself". i don't think it's true and to deny that yashiro at least partially was acting out of desire for doumeki to have a "normal" life would be just further villainizing her. but let's pretend that it is the answer, that the decision to throw doumeki out was for yashiro's sake alone. so what? am i supposed to see it as selfish, to condemn her for it? after doumeki raped her (do we want to talk about why yashiro tried to kill herself?) and then refused to leave her alone no matter how hard she tried to push him away? i won't. the narrative might. yashiro herself definitely will. because when everything else is not convincing enough, we can always rely on her sense of guilt. one could argue that guilt tripping yashiro into submitting has been the main tactic since doumeki got shot. it worked in ch24, it will work now too
for our peace of mind we will ignore how convenient it is that kamiya managed to find aimlessly wandering yashiro by just driving around. he feels off in the same way nanahara does in this chapter, more of a plot device than a character, because now we literally need to get yashiro from point a to point h(otel) while adding up even more guilt and pressure on her. i don't have an issue with kamiya being rude in general, it would've been weirder if he wasn't. but i do have issues with what he says (haven't you heard enough about how much doumeki actually loves yashiro? don't you need another man to tell her that? no no, we're very confident in how convincing doumeki's confession was and in yashiro's ability to think for herself, i promise) and with this sudden investment. oh, you were even going to drive yashiro there? how nice
and after all that yashiro chooses, or resigns rather, in the complete absence of internal monologue, and goes to doumeki, and they start wordlessly making out, and i'm staring at the second to last panel with the spit trail and wonder if this is all there is left to it at this point. is this what i'm here for? to watch two people who have no chemistry have meaningless sex and desperately try to read into it more than what is actually there? for how long have i been doing that?
there is still a way to save it, i think, but i don't expect yoneda to do it. this chapter's pacing and back to back conversations are bad regardless of what will come after. there's this weird feeling to it, similar to the one i got from izumi being revealed as both the tattoo artist and doumeki's childhood friend. one reveal would've been enough. one conversation, maybe two but spread out, would've been enough. but instead we're getting hit over the head with the same thing over and over, while everything else that made the story and doushiro interesting is getting swept under the rug. and i wonder who this is even for at this point, because it's not compelling as a straightforward romance either, and i can't see how it could be salvaged as such when we're already past The Confession and The Character Finally Accepting Her Feelings (under pressure from everyone except for misumi, which is... interesting) and both were incredibly underwhelming at best
i don't know. i don't have a nice way to wrap this up. hopefully yoneda will prove me wrong in the end, but for now i'm deciding not to hold my breath anymore
The way to save the story from falling apart is for something really bad to happen to Yashiro as a consequence of Doumeki's actions. If that happens, then this chapter will make absolute sense. Yashiro has to suffer something genuinely negative as a result of these other characters interference and guilt-tripping and pressure, which will drive home everything that's been built up regarding Yashiro's character from the beginning, which is his self-sacrificial nature and the tragedy inherent in it, as a reflection of his lack of self-worth, as a result of the abuse he's been subjected to since childhood. If Yoneda actually follows through on a tragic ending, then the story will maintain its artistic integrity. We obviously can't know for sure, one way or the other, until the very end. But if there is no negative consequence for Yashiro, if there is no blowback from Doumeki's actions, or the other characters interference, then yeah, the story will, sadly, majorly suffer. I totally get the feelings of ambivalence and dissatisfaction, because right now, just reading this chapter alone, it gives off the impression of validating and framing Doumeki's actions as right, and Yashiro's as wrong, and if that's the case, it's genuinely endorsing abuse as "okay". But I have more faith in Yoneda as a writer than to just assume that's what's happening, and part of what gives me that faith is that Yashiro talks back to both Nanahara and Amou in this chapter, essentially cutting down their bullshit arguments in the process. He tells Nanahara that Tsunakawa has a reputation to uphold, and that's 100% true, and it makes me think that where we're headed is that, as a result of all this pressure and guilt-tripping, Yashiro, like he always does, is going to intervene on Doumeki's behalf, and there's just no way in hell Tsunakawa is going to just forgive Doumeki without extracting his pound of flesh in return, and thematically, and narratively, it only makes sense if it's Yashiro who pays that price. If that happens, then we'll be getting a payoff to what's been established about Yashiro from the start, and what makes Yashiro such a tragic character, which is that he's always having to sacrifice himself to save lesser men. It's part of Yashiro's tragic irony as a character, that he thinks so little of himself, but in reality, he's far and away the only really good person in the story. Well, him and Nanahara. And also far and away the most selfless. So yeah, as long as there's a negative consequence to Yashiro being pressured into going to Doumeki and being pressured to save Doumeki from his own, idiotic actions, then the story will be just fine. If not, well... yeah, then I'm afraid it would suffer a major blow to its integrity as a narrative.
Yeah man, I think I'm even more pissed about chapter 66 after reading the translation finally. What the fuck, lol.
It really is just everyone guilt tripping Yashiro into risking himself to save Doumeki, to risk his life because Doumeki got himself into a bad position for him, without Yashiro's consent or request. It's just unbelievable.
First we've got Nanahara just flat out telling Yashiro that he should save Doumeki because Doumeki saved him, like... Okay? Again, Yashiro never asked Doumeki to dedicate his life to him. In fact, he expressly told him not to and sent a crystal clear message to him to get the hell out of his life. Yashiro tells Nanahara that what Doumeki is doing is no different than stalking, and it's true. That is what Doumeki's been doing, and it doesn't matter what romantic spin you want to put on it, because at its core, that's what it is. He's forsaken everything in order to simply orbit the same world Yashiro inhabits. But now Yashiro is supposed to somehow intervene, at the risk of his own life, to keep Doumeki from paying the consequences of his own actions. I mean, I'm seriously pissed. Yashiro says to Nanahara that Tsunakawa has a reputation to maintain, which again, is true. What do all these people think is going to happen if Yashiro steps in to stop Doumeki from paying for his insubordination and lack of respect or deference? Yashiro is the one who's going to end up paying the price, like he always does. What exactly is Yashiro supposed to do here? Is he supposed to go to Tsunakawa and ask him to show Doumeki mercy? Does anyone seriously believe Tsunakawa is just going to say 'oh, okay', and let Doumeki off the hook without exacting some sort of payment in return? Again, it's Yashiro who's going to end up paying the cost, whatever it is.
And the most galling thing about all of it is, again, this is all a result of Doumeki's choices and actions. Doumeki's the one that refused to leave the Yakuza, Doumeki's the one who began working for Tsunakawa's group under false pretenses, and when his true intentions were revealed, everyone just suddenly expects Yashiro to clean up Doumeki's mess because Doumeki's obsessed with him and decided Yashiro's his "only reason for living". It's honestly disgusting and pathetic, but whatever.
And don't even get me started on Amou. This motherfucker. He actually has the gall to whine to Yashiro about wanting to be Misumi's son "like (Yashiro) is". What a jackass. I said 'hell yeah' when Yashiro hit back at him by asking if father's "usually do it" with their sons. Like, get the fuck outta' here, Amou. Misumi is an abusive piece of shit to Yashiro. He literally ruined Yashiro's life. Meanwhile, he offered to pay for Amou's education and living expenses, which is what a parent actually does for their children. I swear to Christ. Amou compares Misumi allowing him to stay by his side with Yashiro and Doumeki's situation, heavily implying that Yashiro was being selfish for pushing Doumeki away, unlike Misumi, who wanted to keep Amou out of the Yakuza for his protection, but that's bullshit. Yashiro absolutely pushed Doumeki out for his own good. We see that playing out in real time here, with the shitshow Doumeki's gotten himself into. He's saying Yashiro should have kept Doumeki at his side, even if he believed he wasn't cut out to be a Yakuza, because Doumeki wanted more than anything to be in Yashiro's life. He's actually trying to say Misumi was the kinder one by allowing Amou to stay in his life. But, again, again, again, nobody seems to give a flying fuck about what Yashiro wants, and certainly nobody here has any respect for Yashiro's choices or agency. Yes, we as readers know Yashiro is in love with Doumeki, but nobody here is badgering Yashiro like this for Yashiro's sake. They're doing it for Doumeki, because in their minds Doumeki's loyalty to Yashiro obligates Yashiro to protect him, even though Yashiro never asked for it, and even actively rejected it.
And then there's Kamiya, who continues with the guilt tripping, with his bullshit question of whether Yashiro is "worth" Doumeki turning his life upside down for, as if Doumeki's the one making some huge sacrifice here, while all these assholes are massively pressuring Yashiro to risk his life to save Doumeki from his own stupidity. He gives some half-assed remark about Yashiro "coming to his senses" too late, as if any of this is for Yashiro's sake, while the entire lead up was just Kamiya insulting Yashiro and saying Doumeki must be jacked in the head for caring about him. Ugh, man this pissed me off.
This has to end in disaster. If it doesn't, it's going to undermine the entire thematic core of the story. Yashiro is going to end up paying the price for Doumeki's "loyalty", and that's the way it should be, if the story wants to stay true to what it's already established.
Just... whatever.
This is my opinion. If you don't like it or don't agree, that's fine, but don't come at me and start calling me a Doumeki hater or whatever for stating what I think. I don't hate Doumeki. I think he genuinely loves Yashiro and that Yashiro genuinely loves him. But this situation is fucked up, and given Yashiro's past, and how his history is littered with him sacrificing himself for others, if he suddenly doesn't have to pay some massive price just to fulfil Doumeki's wishes, then what was even the point of establishing that about Yashiro as a character?
I trust that Yoneda is setting this up to have some sort of ugly fallout, which tells me that this story almost certainly is going to have a tragic ending. It has to, at this point I think, in order for it to maintain its artistic integrity. If Yoneda actually follows through with that, then this chapter will make so much more sense and will actually be brilliant in its execution. I think Yoneda knows that, and that's where we're headed. That's my prediction, anyway.
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