I had all & then most of you.

Monday morning of your fourth week of sessions Levi meets you outside of the physical therapy room, his lip upturned in a subtle smirk. He pushes himself off the wall he was leaning on.

“You ready for something new?” 

“Like?” It almost sounds like a trick question.

“Like off ice training.” 

“Do you really think I’m ready for that?” Just hearing the words made you tense with excitement. Through your weeks with Levi it was hard to see your progress through your own eyes. At the very least you expected two more weeks of balance boards and tedious stretches. 

“If I didn’t think you were ready, you’d be in there picking up tennis balls off the floor right now. Let’s go.” He says and quickly turns to exit the gym.

“Wait- go where?” You ask, speed walking to catch up to him. 

“The studio, above rink three.” 

“There’s a studio in there?”

“There is. Maybe you would have heard me say that during the tour if you weren’t so busy gawking at the ice.” 

Your heart drops. He saw that? 

Following him past the doors, the familiar chill in the air quickly washes over you. Again, you watch the ice as you follow behind Levi towards a door at the back of the room. He buzzes in and holds it open as you brush past him inside.

Automatic lights reveal a narrow stairwell leading up to an average looking studio. The walls are a pale lilac, though the low yellow lighting makes it hard to tell. A large mirror stretches from wall to wall, and there is a lengthy window that looks over the small arena. Taking in the room, you’re immediately brought back to your novice training days. The room is set up like most off-ice training rooms you’ve seen. The flooring is covered in soft padding, the spinners, even the resistance bands that hang from hooks on the wall. You nearly cringe when your eyes land on the center of the room. Of all things a- 

“A balance board.” You groan, slowly turning your head towards Levi who still stands in the doorway at the top of the stairs, watching you. 

“Great observation.” Levi smirks, pulling the iPad off his shoulder and setting it down on a small counter attached to the wall beside the window.   

“So what’s the difference between this and regular off-ice?” You roll your eyes.

“The difference is that I’m reteaching you how to use your ankle.” He states, grabbing a band off the wall and tossing it towards you, “But I want to see how you do on your right ankle first.” 

You look down at the band as it hangs from your fingers, and move closer to the center of the room. Lifting your left foot up behind you and pulling the band underneath, you pull your leg up and feel the stretch run hot through your upper thigh and hip. For once, the feeling in your ankle was pleasant in comparison. You hold this position for a few seconds before gently dropping it. Even with weeks of physical therapy, stretching, and a meticulous at home routine, doing the things you excelled at before your injury proved to be an ongoing battle. The fact that this stretch is difficult and has almost nothing to do with your ankle just twists the knife. Nonetheless, you move on, going through a sequence of stretches with the band. Positions you haven’t done in months. By the end of it your thighs felt like jelly. 

When you move on to the spinners you have an easier time, Levi has you on your left leg to practice on your balance. During a trial run for a camel spin he approaches you and has you hold the position still to correct your form, placing a hand on your left knee. “Bend here more,” he instructs while placing his other hand under your leg, fingers gently digging into the plush of your thigh as he lifts slightly. “Higher here,” the heat from his hand sending a shock straight through your chest. You drop your head as the embarrassment sets in. “And chin up.. unless you want to fall flat on your face.” 

After what feels like the equivalent of running a marathon, Levi sits with his back up against the wall, filling out your notes for today’s session. “I want to try off-ice jumps on Wednesday.” he mentions.

“That’s a little quick, are you-”

“Yes I’m sure. You have a horrible habit of underselling your capabilities,” He cuts in. “And also mine.” he murmurs as he continues to type. You settle for believing him. Clearly he sees something you haven’t during your time together. 

***

Wednesday you head straight up to the studio, throwing your bag next to Levi’s Ipad on the table. “Morning.” You greet him cheerfully. It doesn't take you long to notice he's moved everything in the room, lining them against walls to give you room for today’s challenges. 

Levi wastes no time getting you through your stretches and balance tests. You do a last minute stretch of your ankle, pushing against it from all angles. Shaking your sweaty hands out as you mentally prepare, you can’t convince yourself to go through with it. 

“Well?” Levi teases. He's specifically having you work on jumps that take off on your left and landing on your right. Just the thought of jumping off that ankle makes you uneasy.

“I.. don't think I can.” You’re almost hesitant to admit. 

“You can.” 

“It doesn’t feel safe yet.” It’s the best way you can describe your hesitancy, worried about hurting yourself again, that your ankle isn't strong enough. 

“You’re in the safest place you can be to practice this.” He reminds you. “I have an idea, do you trust me?” You finally look over at him, though his face is stern as usual, his eyes seem to have softened. 

“With..?” Of course you trust him, he’s gotten you this far. 

“Let me throw you.” 

“You want to throw me? Are you serious Levi, can you even lift me?” You can’t help the laugh that slips out.

“Do you know who you’re talking to?” There's a small smirk on his face. “That was kind of my thing.” Making his way to the center of the room, he starts to explain how this is going to work. “Instead of jumping off from your foot I’ll lift you and aid in the momentum needed to do your spin, and you’ll land how you would normally if you were doing the jump on your own.” 

Giving it some thought you nod and take a sharp breath in. One last time you shake out your hands before you dash towards Levi, his arms out in preparation. As promised he catches you, his palms pressed firmly into your hips as he hoists you up, fingers gentle against your hip bones. It was clear he knew exactly what he was doing. He guides you up and over, not too high off the ground but high enough for you to get your turn in and land perfectly on the opposite foot. Not only was it easy, almost seamless. It was fun. You laugh in disbelief, dropping your landing position as you let out a relieving breath. “I did it!” you beam. 

“Told you so,” Levi boasts “Now let’s do it again.”  

For the rest of the session Levi slowly has you incorporate more and more jumps in as he repeats them with you, eventually not having to lift you at all. Truthfully you think you could have done it on your own after the second time, but you didn't protest when he queued up to throw you again. A small part of you wanted to believe he was having just as much fun as you were. 

By the end of the session you’re not only jumping off from your bad ankle but also landing on it too, and all without Levi’s physical assistance. 

You take a long swig from your water bottle, dropping it back into the side pocket of your bag before swinging it over your shoulder. Levi takes his usual spot to fill out notes as you head for the stairwell. “See you Friday.” 

“Hey,” he stops you without looking up. “Bring your skates on Friday.” This time you don't argue and ask if he's sure, biting back the smile threatening to break across your face. 

“Got it.” You manage in a civil tone, waiting until you get past the door at the bottom of the stairs to let out a quiet shriek of excitement. What you didn’t notice was a chuckling Erwin standing just outside the door. 

***

Friday finally arrives and you wake up two hours early, the excitement of finally getting to get back out on the ice keeping you from getting any extra sleep. Time feels like it's dragging and you do what you can to keep yourself from constantly checking the clock. Your phone, music, even making breakfast fails to really distract you. By six you’re more restless than before and decide it would be better to just wait it out at the center. 

You fish out your purple gym bag from the back of your closet, kneeling down on the ground with it to make sure all the contents you will need are still inside. There was an eerie feeling blooming in the back of your mind. You try to shake off the doubt creeping in. This is the day you worked so hard to get to, pushing yourself to get to this point. So why are you still this worried? 

***

The door to rink three chimes to let you in, it’s about half an hour before your usual start time with Levi. As you make your way in you see Erwin leaning against the boards of the rink on his elbows. Shortly after you notice him, the familiar sound of skates scratching on ice fills your ears. Approaching the rink, your eyes land on Levi, gliding around effortlessly at the far end of the rink. Moving to stand beside Erwin to watch, you set your bag down beside you. 

He looks no heavier than a feather landing from his sequence of jumps. You’d never know he retired, his execution is flawless. Every kick and spin off the ice was perfect.

“He’s incredible..” You’re nearly breathless as you finally speak.  

“I’d sure hope so.” Erwin keeps his eyes on the ice but smiles softly. “He’s here practicing every morning.” 

“Seriously..?” Knowing it had been about ten years since his accident, to hear he still skates every day is bittersweet. Most days you don’t really think about who Levi was before you met him, but you can’t help but mourn a past that isn’t yours when you’re reminded.

“He doesn’t usually let anyone but me in to watch.” The sound of Levi’s blades against the ice draws your attention back to him, exiting his spin with his leg out to slow him down and bringing his leg back in to stabilize himself. As he turns back towards you and Erwin, your eyes meet. There’s a quick moment where you can see the shock wash over him before hearing a harsh scrape against the ice to stop himself from falling over. 

“That’s a first.” Erwin smirks, and you swear you heard a snort.  

“You're early.” Levi strides over while pulling his ear buds from his ears. “Get your skates on then.” 

***

The metal bench squeaks as you sit down, kicking off your shoes pulling the zipper of your bag open to free your skates. Once you have the weight of them in your hands you freeze, staring down at them. This month marks four since you’ve been on the ice, and the last time you were a fully seasoned skater with a full routine. Now you’re really considering the reality of your situation, that you won't step out onto the ice and be at one hundred percent, you don't even know if you’ll be at fifty. 

Despite that, you tie up your right skate and then your left, stopping to take in the feeling of your boot around your bad ankle. It feels familiar, it feels like home, but it’s accompanied by the memory of the sprain to your ankle. You shake it off and lean over, triple checking your laces to make sure they were tight enough, pushing on each side meticulously just to be sure. 

“You’re overthinking again.” Levi’s voice curbs your thoughts. How long has he been standing there watching you?

“I’m not..” You turn your attention up towards him, scanning over him as he leaned against the boards just off the ice, eyes practically glued to the outfit he wore. His long-sleeved black shirt hugged his form in all the right places, black joggers doing just the same. 

“You are.” he says as he pushes himself off the wall and approaches you, leaning down on one knee and gently pulling at each lace running down the skate. “They’re perfect.” He looks up to meet your eyes before standing up. He turns away to walk back out onto the ice but stops, back still facing you. “We’re just doing basics today, I’ll be there the whole time.” He says before skating off to the center of the rink. You have a feeling it’s because he knows you need the push to actually skate out towards him. Your theory only becomes stronger once you’re standing at the threshold of the ice and you just stare down at your skates, he doesn't say anything, doesn't pressure you, he just watches. 

You decide to take your first step out on your right foot, knuckles white holding the wall as an anchor and nervously bringing your left leg down onto the ice. Slowly you start to apply pressure and let go. Admittedly you feel silly, like a child during their first lesson. 

It feels weird, nothing like you remember. All of your attention is focused on keeping your ankle tense. It takes everything not to call out to Levi, beg him to go back upstairs and practice on the balance boards some more. At the same time something inside you screams to move forward. Eventually you do. Carefully from your right foot then your left, and before you know it you’re center rink with Levi. He still hasn’t said anything to you, that’s when you notice the shaking. 

“Look at me.” he says firmly, his tone seemingly clinical. He must think you’re losing it, that you weren’t ready afterall, that you can’t handle it yet. Embarrassment takes over as you fight the urge to prove him wrong before he can say anything else. 

“What?” You ask, finally shifting your eyes towards him. 

“You need to take a breath.” He says patiently. 

“I’m fine,” you argue. “It’s just freezing in here-” 

“Bullshit.” he interjects. “Eyes on me, breathe. Look where we are right now, we did it.” You nod and place your hands on your bent shaking knees to keep yourself from falling while you take a deep breath. It takes a minute, but before you know it you're comfortable standing on the ice again.  

Levi starts you off easy with one and two foot glides and you surprise yourself with how quickly you get used to it. Moving forward and backward quickly proves to be no struggle to you, even balancing on each foot seems effortless after some practice.  Once he's sure you have your balance under control he suggests moving on to a simple jump. 

“Think you can do a waltz?” he asks. A waltz jump might be the easiest you could start off with, but you’d be lying if you said it didn’t worry you. It's a small jump in which you start off on one foot then turn and jump onto the other one. Of course Levi wants you to land on your left and he moves back to give you some space.

Taking a deep breath you push off into the motion, opting in for a small one just to see how it feels. You pull your leg in and make your jump, only to slam your right skate back down onto the ice the second your left wobbles on impact. Cursing under your breath you try again, only keeping your balance a second longer before dropping your foot back down again. Levi reminds you to extend your right leg out behind you when you land to aid your balance. 

It’s frustrating because you know this, you know how to do all of it. Everything feels new now, almost like you’ve never actually done it before. You go again, this time adding more momentum before the jump. You turn and touch your left blade onto the ice only to meet the ground underneath you with a soft grunt. You sigh and pull yourself onto your knees, carefully standing back up and brushing the snow off the side of your pants. Levi tells you to watch him as he demonstrates the same jump, and naturally it’s smooth. He does the jump once more, but this time breaks it down and uses his hands to highlight the position different parts of your body should be in. 

Any confidence you had before this session is long gone, trying again and falling the exact same way you did last time. The next two you land but can’t stretch your leg out behind you, the wobbling of your ankle keeping you distrustful. Irritation quickly takes over when you try once more, this time taking your frustration out by jumping harder off the ice than you can handle and causing your foot to slip out from under you, falling on your ass. 

“That was careless.” Levi says plainly as he skates over to you, stopping in front of you and extending his hand out while helping you back up onto your feet. He looks into your eyes as they welled up with tears and quickly looks away, letting out a soft sigh. “Let’s take a break from that and try something else. I know it’s hard, and it’s going to take time, but don’t do that again.” His tone was firm but sympathetic. 

“How long did it take you?” instantly regretting that you asked when he freezes in response to your question. You feel like an idiot, recalling immediately that you were told he doesn’t like talking about it. The silence almost turns the air thick and after a few moments he responds, but it's a quiet mumble in comparison to his usual clear tone. 

“Two years. My depth perception was shit.” You remember back to before today’s session, he was flawless. It broke your heart that he still skates all these years later. You didn’t have to ask why he never returned to professional competitions. “It won’t take you as long as I did to recover. I’ll make sure of that.” 

You work on spins with Levi in place of jumps, making the session from that point on much more comfortable. While relieved it still bothers you that you aren’t pushing yourself harder. So much of your therapy with Levi was focused on strength and balance. You do fine on one foot spins and he only lets you do the basics, not wanting to risk the ones that require your opposite foot to be pulled above waist level. You go in for a scratch spin. Pulling your arms in as you start to rotate quickly you can tell it’s perfect and your body is in the exact position it needs to be in, that is until you place your other foot down without slowing down enough. You throw your arm out quickly to stop yourself from falling, grabbing firmly onto Levi’s forearm without thinking. 

Levi is quick, reflexively pulling his arm inward, catching your arm and pulling you into his chest. He only holds you there for a moment, a sigh of relief sounding into your ear. He moves back when you have your footing, gently running his hand over the arm you just had in your grasp. “You shouldn’t grab other skaters when you fall.” His voice is low, you can tell he's not mad but something isn’t right. He seems detached and won't even look at you. “That’s our time for today.” You’re still too stunned from the whole thing to say anything, nothing but guilt flooding your mind. They teach you that in basics; If you fall you fall alone. You don't take others down with you. 

You follow behind him off the ice and watch him as he sits on the bench to untie his skates. He keeps his head down but you can see the slight pink tint across his cheek. 

“Levi, I’m sorry I-”  

“It’s fine,” He interrupts you. You don't believe him, it’s the same way he used to speak to you on the phone before you started your sessions together. “You did great today.” You decide to change out of your skates in the locker room, give Levi the space he needs. When you come back out a few minutes later he’s already gone. 

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